Q: I'm pretty cynical about Father's Day. My dad never told me he loved me or that he was proud of me. He finally just abandoned our family completely; these days I have almost no contact with him. Why should I honor him when he was never a positive influence in my life?

Jim: I can empathize. My own history with my dad was similar to yours, so I always had mixed feelings around Father's Day. Still, we can respect long-held traditions that teach us to honor our dads. That's because honoring your father is as much for you as it is for him -- in fact, maybe even more so.

You might be aware that I draw my values from the Bible, which was originally written in Hebrew and Greek. The ancient Greek word meaning "honor" can be more specifically translated as "honoring that which is honorable." In other words, we aren't compelled to respect our father for his irresponsibility or abuse. But we should honor him for the positive things -- however few -- he represented. For some of us, that may be nothing more than the fact that he played a role in giving us life.

There's a personal benefit in that action. Honoring a dad who wasn't all he should have been requires us to forgive. I can attest from personal experience that it's a long, challenging process. And it certainly doesn't erase a lifetime of poor choices our fathers may have made. But the move to forgiveness releases us from the emotional prison that typically entraps us as a result of our resentment. And since you mentioned that your dad is still alive -- it could be a first step on a journey of healing for both of you.

Q: I'm curious about statistics showing that an increasing number of children are growing up in homes with no father present. I've heard there's a relationship between fatherlessness and violent behavior among boys and young men. Do you think that's true?

Jim: As a boy who grew up without a dad, and now being the president of a large family-help organization, my personal take is that these two phenomena are closely related. There are many factors and dynamics, but one of them has to do with the specifically masculine way in which men tend to play with their kids.

You don't have to be a sociologist to see that moms and dads play differently. Most boys have an inborn need to engage in rough-and-tumble activity from an early age. It's one of the ways they gain self-confidence and learn to gauge their own strength. Dad is the one who can help them in this area. Mom might worry that "someone will get hurt" when the guys start wrestling on the floor. But there's an important sense in which that's precisely the point. A friendly scuffle with Dad -- in a safe and controlled environment -- helps teach kids about appropriate boundaries in play. And in the process, a father has a great opportunity to affirm his son's strength and skill.

It's when a boy grows up without this kind of interaction that the connection between fatherlessness and teen violence rears its ugly head. Without learning appropriate boundaries for physical activity -- and lacking the masculine affirmation he needs from his father -- a boy may feel driven to "prove" himself as a person who deserves respect. And he may end up demanding it in some pretty unhealthy ways.

So, if you're a dad: Engage with your son in a healthy, affirming manner. If you're a mom raising a son on your own, seek out trustworthy male role models to come alongside your boy.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I worked hard for decades and retired three years ago. My wife and I planned to travel extensively -- but with (first) the pandemic and then some related health concerns, we've set that idea aside. Now I'm having difficulty adjusting my expectations for retirement while struggling with discontentment. Can you offer any suggestions?

Jim: Most of us have been conditioned by advertisements to picture retirement as a well-deserved existence of luxury and leisure. The problem is that many people can simply never make it to this "paradise" -- and those who do may find it doesn't match the hype. Throw in the global upheaval of the past couple of years and you've got a recipe for restlessness and dissatisfaction.

I'd encourage you and your wife to shake up the status quo. Start by taking an honest personal inventory -- individually and as a couple -- of who you are, what you desire and what you have to offer. It's quite possible that deep inside you want the opportunity to keep contributing to something bigger than yourselves. As an illustration, Focus on the Family has been enormously blessed by the invaluable contributions of many retirees who volunteer their skills and experience to help us in our outreach.

If you feel something like this might provide the fulfillment you've been lacking, I can assure you that many organizations need help. You might start with your church or local school district -- they always need mentors or teaching assistants. Countless museums, nature preserves and fine art centers are searching for docents. Many historical sites depend on volunteer help for groundskeeping and general upkeep.

That being said, also be aware that major changes in life can sometimes lead to bouts with actual depression. If you think this may be your situation, I'd invite you to call our counseling staff for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm a single woman and I'm interested in a guy who works for a company across the street. Mutual friends told me he recently broke up with his girlfriend. I don't want to be insensitive -- but also don't want to miss out. How soon should I try to let him know that I'm interested in going out with him?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Time often heals, but the amount of time required depends on many factors. So, I can't tell you, "Wait six weeks and then make your move." Instead, keep your eyes open and go slow.

I'd especially suggest that you carefully consider that this man has experienced a real loss. Different people grieve such losses at different rates. You'll need to approach the situation with a great deal of compassion and sensitivity.

Of course, much depends on how well you actually know the guy. If you're already at least "conversational friends," you probably have some idea of how you'd talk to him about this. But if not, be careful to slowly build connection with him while maintaining an appropriate emotional distance.

When you've earned the right to do so, you might try asking him some questions about the recent breakup. What was the experience like for him? What did he learn from it? Who made the choice to end the relationship? Factors like these will likely make a huge difference in what he's going through.

Whatever you do, don't push him into a "rebound" relationship. And if he's the kind of guy who would jump into something like that just because he desperately "needs" somebody ... well, that will only lead to other problems down the road. Contentment and self-sufficiency are key factors in the psychological health of any individual, and it takes two healthy people to make a healthy couple.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our family LOVES playing sports, so being limited the past couple of years has been tough. Our 8-year-old twins are finally starting league soccer this summer. My husband and I were both college athletes and we're ultra-competitive, so we want to ensure that we maintain a healthy perspective. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I understand -- I'm a competitive guy myself whose athletic career was cut short by injury before college. So, I had to temper my approach with my own sons.

We've all heard stories (or seen examples) of bad behavior at children's sporting events -- poor sportsmanship, yelling and even fistfights. It's exponentially worse when parents are the ones behaving poorly! Fortunately, most parents wouldn't dream of acting out violently. But those extreme cases aren't the only ones that take the fun out of youth sports. Yelling at coaches, officials and players -- or (especially) publicly criticizing your child's performance -- can be humiliating for all concerned.

Winning isn't everything ... and a child's bad game isn't the end of the world. Your kids can develop many positive character traits through sports, even if they aren't the best players. Ultimately, they may decide they'd rather do something else, and that's fine; both of my sons pursued other interests as teens.

Emphasize to your kids that you're proud of them, regardless of whether they win or lose -- and prove it through your actions. Meanwhile, treat everyone connected with the game with respect. Your child is watching -- and will learn from -- the way you handle yourself when you disagree with a referee's call or a coach's decision. When moms and dads are team players and good sports, everyone wins.

Finally, I highly recommend the book "Overplayed: A Parent's Guide to Sanity in the World of Youth Sports" by David King and Margot Starbuck.

Q: When my wife and I get into an argument, I usually shut down. Even though we don't fight much, I know it's a problem that's really hurting our marriage. Do you have any advice or techniques I could use in stressful moments that could help me engage in a healthy way?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Kudos to you for recognizing the issue and being willing to seek help. I really like this illustration: When serious conflict impacts your relationship, do you dig a moat or build a bridge?

Digging a moat is a common defensive reaction when your marriage is suffering. It's like an emotional trench around your heart so deep and wide that your spouse can never cross it. It's an understandable response when you're buried in heartache. But in the long run, a moat keeps you isolated and stuck in pain.

To break free, build a bridge to your spouse by finding ways to connect with each other. Use the solid things that first drew you together to rebuild what's been broken. That's not easy to do, but few things worth having are. Your relationship won't magically fix itself overnight; disconnecting from one another probably took some time, and so will reconnecting. Healing can come, but it happens one kiss, one conversation, one date night at a time.

This involves prioritizing your relationship. Put the kids to bed early occasionally to facilitate husband-and-wife time. Meet for lunch or hire a babysitter. It may seem like ordinary moments like these won't get you anywhere -- but they're exactly the kind of small steps that can slowly bring your relationship back together.

If conflict has damaged your marriage, remember: Don't dig a moat. Build a bridge.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.