Q: Our family LOVES playing sports, so being limited the past couple of years has been tough. Our 8-year-old twins are finally starting league soccer this summer. My husband and I were both college athletes and we're ultra-competitive, so we want to ensure that we maintain a healthy perspective. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I understand -- I'm a competitive guy myself whose athletic career was cut short by injury before college. So, I had to temper my approach with my own sons.

We've all heard stories (or seen examples) of bad behavior at children's sporting events -- poor sportsmanship, yelling and even fistfights. It's exponentially worse when parents are the ones behaving poorly! Fortunately, most parents wouldn't dream of acting out violently. But those extreme cases aren't the only ones that take the fun out of youth sports. Yelling at coaches, officials and players -- or (especially) publicly criticizing your child's performance -- can be humiliating for all concerned.

Winning isn't everything ... and a child's bad game isn't the end of the world. Your kids can develop many positive character traits through sports, even if they aren't the best players. Ultimately, they may decide they'd rather do something else, and that's fine; both of my sons pursued other interests as teens.

Emphasize to your kids that you're proud of them, regardless of whether they win or lose -- and prove it through your actions. Meanwhile, treat everyone connected with the game with respect. Your child is watching -- and will learn from -- the way you handle yourself when you disagree with a referee's call or a coach's decision. When moms and dads are team players and good sports, everyone wins.

Finally, I highly recommend the book "Overplayed: A Parent's Guide to Sanity in the World of Youth Sports" by David King and Margot Starbuck.

Q: When my wife and I get into an argument, I usually shut down. Even though we don't fight much, I know it's a problem that's really hurting our marriage. Do you have any advice or techniques I could use in stressful moments that could help me engage in a healthy way?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Kudos to you for recognizing the issue and being willing to seek help. I really like this illustration: When serious conflict impacts your relationship, do you dig a moat or build a bridge?

Digging a moat is a common defensive reaction when your marriage is suffering. It's like an emotional trench around your heart so deep and wide that your spouse can never cross it. It's an understandable response when you're buried in heartache. But in the long run, a moat keeps you isolated and stuck in pain.

To break free, build a bridge to your spouse by finding ways to connect with each other. Use the solid things that first drew you together to rebuild what's been broken. That's not easy to do, but few things worth having are. Your relationship won't magically fix itself overnight; disconnecting from one another probably took some time, and so will reconnecting. Healing can come, but it happens one kiss, one conversation, one date night at a time.

This involves prioritizing your relationship. Put the kids to bed early occasionally to facilitate husband-and-wife time. Meet for lunch or hire a babysitter. It may seem like ordinary moments like these won't get you anywhere -- but they're exactly the kind of small steps that can slowly bring your relationship back together.

If conflict has damaged your marriage, remember: Don't dig a moat. Build a bridge.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My parents hurt me in many ways. But now they're aging and losing the ability to look after themselves. Given the past, I'm not sure how I feel about caring for them. What's my obligation here?

Jim: I understand what it's like to grow up in a badly dysfunctional family -- and sadly, situations like ours are fairly common. Many adults carry the scars of a painful childhood. When we look back, even at the recent past, we may remember only abuse and neglect from people who were closest to us.

As hard as it may be, I believe it's important for you to reach out to your parents during this difficult time -- and to forgive them. Respecting and caring for our elders, even when they're not seeking our forgiveness, is a choice. True honor is placing the highest value on our loved ones whether or not they deserve it.

I get it: You can't change the painful events of your childhood or alter your parents' choices. But you can make the deliberate decision to not allow their problems to have continual power over you. Choose to look for the good in your parents, no matter how meager or unrefined, and honor them in spite of their flaws.

It's important to note that caring for your parents doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with everything they say or giving in to their every demand. It simply means doing what you can -- within a realistic framework -- to live at peace with them while they're still here. It means making wise choices that will keep your conscience clear. When they're gone, you don't want to look back on this time and regret not reaching out to them.

Our staff counselors would be happy to help you sort through these matters if you'd like; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: As my fiancé and I are planning our wedding, we're already starting to encounter some tension as we talk about money -- not just budgeting for the ceremony but also how we'll manage our finances once we're married. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Money is one of the greatest areas of conflict in any marriage. It's easy to understand why. When two people -- with different personalities, training, goals, priorities and maybe even value systems -- come together and share monetary assets, it's a recipe for tension.

Financial strategy is an essential aspect of preparing for marriage; in fact, I actually advise couples to prepare a combined budget well before the wedding. This involves determining how you're going to make financial decisions, who sets the budget, who pays what bills, how much to save, etc. You should also address your respective beliefs about credit cards and any debt that either or both of you are bringing into the marriage. Go deep on topics like student loans, children (when and how many), expectations about whether/when to buy a house and other lifestyle considerations.

It's been well said that marital money problems are actually communication problems. In other words, most of the financial conflict that occurs in marriage can be avoided if the couple invests time talking through these issues prior to the wedding. When a couple can't discuss finances, they'll almost certainly have serious issues showing up in other areas of their life together. Values, goals, priorities, philosophies, training - it's important to understand all of these things about yourself and your intended spouse before you get married.

If I may, I'd humbly suggest the book "Ready to Wed," Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley, general editors. Meanwhile, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/marriage for more tips and tools.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How does divorce affect kids? We're in the process of getting a divorce, which is obviously taking a heavy toll on the entire family. Our kids have been acting out in a variety of ways; in fact, some of their behavior is so extreme I'm getting seriously concerned about them. What's considered "normal" in a situation like this? And what can I do?

Jim: Unfortunately, the only "normal" you can expect right now is abnormality -- the situation you've described is pretty much par for the course. It's easy to see why. A bomb has exploded -- or is about to explode -- in the middle of your kids' world. They feel that chaos is descending upon them, and they're reacting as anyone would react under the circumstances: chaotically.

Even without knowing details, I'd suspect that their behavior is characterized by a pendulum-like swing between opposing extremes: good and bad, clinging and withdrawal, silence and hostility, tears and anger, rebellion and helpfulness. I understand because that's what I experienced as a child when my parents split up.

Much depends on the parents and the overall tone of your relationship. Obviously, that relationship is stressed right now. But if the stress is controlled and expressed in a civil, respectful manner, this will be reflected in the children's response to the situation. On the other hand, if Mom and Dad are volatile, hostile, verbally abusive or passive-aggressive, the kids will follow suit. In short, your children's behavior will usually mirror yours.

It's also worth noting that many children of divorce struggle with feelings of guilt. Younger kids, especially, may blame themselves for what's happening -- so it's important to reassure them that your struggles as a couple have absolutely nothing to do with them.

So, what can you do to help ease the heartache and bring some semblance of order into the chaos? Your children need stability and emotional safety. So, encourage them to talk about what they're going through. If they're reluctant to open up, help them out by taking the first step. Give them an explanation of the reasons for the divorce -- but limit yourself to only the information that they need and are old enough to handle. Help them see that although life is changing dramatically for everyone in the family, things won't always feel as bad as they feel right now. Emphasize hope for the future. Meanwhile, try to maintain as much normalcy and routine as possible.

As you walk this path together, resist the temptation to use your children as an emotional refuge at those moments when you're weak and hurting. And don't vent grievances against your spouse in the kids' hearing. The children can't be your comfort and support; instead, you have to make the effort to be strong for them.

Also, encourage and help your children to find other healthy adult mentors with whom they can be honest about their feelings and talk about the challenges they're facing at home. Alert their teachers, school counselors, youth leader or pastor to the situation. Enlist anyone else you can think of, and trust, who might be willing to fill this role in your children's lives.

One last thing -- which is really the first thing. The best outcome for all concerned would be if your marriage could be saved. Without knowing your situation, I'll simply mention our Hope Restored marriage intensive experience. This unique program has an exceptional record of success -- even in cases where a couple has already filed for divorce. For more information, you can visit HopeRestored.FocusOnTheFamily.com.

If you'd like to discuss your situation at greater length, I'd invite you to contact us for a free consultation with one of our counseling professionals; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.