Q: Our first child is 8 months old. We hope to have one or two more kids. Approaching this first Christmas as parents has us wondering -- as our children grow older, do you think we should let them believe in Santa Claus?
Jim: Focus on the Family doesn't endorse any specific viewpoint regarding Santa, Christmas trees and other Western traditions. Many families embrace these aspects of the Christmas season, but others consider them detractions from the true meaning of the holiday.
Regardless, I'll say this: If you do choose to allow your children to believe in Santa Claus, make sure to tell them about the REAL Saint Nick.
History tells us that Saint Nicholas lived in Asia Minor (modern day Turkey) in the fourth century. He was noted for his compassion for those in need, but was also a humble man who relied on secrecy to avoid receiving praise for his actions. Tradition says he once rescued three young women whose father had no money for their dowry; in those days and that culture, girls who remained unmarried risked being sold into slavery. Saint Nicholas sneaked into the family's home one night and left gold coins in the girls' stockings, which were drying by the fireplace. That, of course, is where we get our modern version of the jolly red-suited fellow who loads up stockings on Christmas Eve.
The original Saint Nick is also a great reminder of the meaning of this season. Christmas is about gifts -- and not just the kind you put under a tree. Christmas centers on a baby born in a manger and given as a gift to all mankind. It's about each of us giving from whatever abundance we have to someone less fortunate. It's about caring for people in need and making their world a little brighter.
Q: Every Christmas I can count on receiving a gift from my mother-in-law that I just don't like. No matter the item, it rarely fits my tastes. I pretend to like the gifts because I don't want to hurt her -- but I also don't want to be dishonest. How can I handle this?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I think most of us have been in this awkward situation. Sure, honesty is an essential virtue. But it doesn't mean expressing every thought or feeling running through our brains. Before deciding to let your mother-in-law know your feelings about any particular gift, I'd strongly encourage you to carefully examine your motives and relationship with her.
It's a good sign that you want to avoid hurting her unnecessarily -- that indicates you value her more than things. While you may not be crazy about the gift, you can use the occasion to focus on and express your appreciation for the giver.
Beyond that, the question of whether you privately tell her your true feelings about the gift largely depends on the strength and safety of your relationship. How long have you known her? Have you exchanged candid emotions before? If so, what was the response? Is she insecure or prideful in her gift giving, to the point where negative feedback might be painful?
If you're not to that point yet, you might consider spending time shopping together, both to build your relationship and to get acquainted with each other's preferences. In the bigger picture, your family might consider drawing names with each person submitting a wish list.
Developing healthy relationships with in-laws takes grace and intentional thought, but it's worth the effort. If you think our counseling team can help, don't hesitate to call 855-771-4537 for a free consultation.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.
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