Q: This past year both our adult son and my brother have experienced job loss and hardship. We have the resources to help; do you think it's wise to loan money to either or both of them?

Jim: Financial counselor Ron Blue highlights a critical point to consider in any situation like what you're envisioning: Whenever money is loaned, that changes the relationship between the parties involved. The dynamic is no longer simply brother-sister, father-son, or friend-friend -- it's borrower-lender. When you loan money to a family member, you've introduced another level of complexity into the relationship.

This also applies in the case of cosigning on a loan for a family member -- in other words, putting yourself in the position of guaranteeing that person's debt. In effect, it's the same thing as lending the money yourself.

So, if your family members are truly in need, you may want to seriously consider the option of simply giving them the money. Giving generously, with no strings attached, is a commendable and positive virtue.

However, if you have reason to believe this would be impractical or unwise, then Ron Blue recommends that you establish a formal borrower-lender relationship with repayment terms and interest rates clearly defined. Both parties should understand and agree to these terms upfront. Don't leave anything to uncertainty or chance (as in, "Oh, just pay me back when you can"). The terms should be documented -- in writing -- so the expectations for repayment are plain to all concerned.

Again: However you approach the situation, lending to (or borrowing from) family members is a potentially dangerous thing to do precisely because of the way it changes relationships. It will almost certainly introduce tension at some point or other. I'm not saying it's wrong to enter into an arrangement like this, but it's something that needs to be approached with caution and discernment.

Q: I'm concerned about my preteen daughter's self-image. The other girls in her peer group are so focused on being thin and wearing the right clothes. I don't want her to get caught in that trap; what can I do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Ironically, many magazines and websites aimed at girls often reinforce the flawed message that women must be physically beautiful to have worth. But as a parent, you're positioned to counter these damaging messages and the confusion they create in a young woman's mind. It's about finding a healthy balance between affirming your daughter's physical appearance and nurturing her character.

Here are some thoughts to keep in mind as you walk with your girl through this very real cultural minefield:

Compassionately listen to your daughter's frustrations and anxieties related to these pressures.

Little girls naturally want to be told they're pretty. Acknowledge that without conveying that her worth is strictly based on her appearance.

Emphasize virtue and character over appearance -- strongly commend her whenever she is truthful, kind, trustworthy, empathic, humble and helpful.

Praise her for her accomplishments in areas involving her mind -- ideas and opinions as well as math, science, reading, art, music and other "cerebral" disciplines.

Seek out female role models who exhibit strong character and creativity.

Help your daughter recognize that images of models and celebrities are almost always "digitally doctored."

Help her discover and develop her own fashion style that blends modesty with personality.

Spend consistent time with your daughter to foster relationship and open, ongoing communication. Parents have more influence on their preteen's development, perceptions and beliefs than you might think.

With a little guidance and a lot of love, we can defuse our culture's negative messages about femininity and help our daughters develop a truly healthy self-image. For more practical tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I was pretty wild in my younger years. Now that my kids are teenagers, they're starting to ask about my past. Should I be completely open with them about things I regret?

Jim: We hear this question a lot -- and it's an important one. In most cases of this nature, generally speaking "less is more." But the driving consideration should always be: "What's in the best interest of your child?"

While truthfulness and transparency are critical, the detail of any confession should be guided by several factors. You'll want to weigh not only your child's maturity but also his motivation. Is he specifically requesting that you reveal personal information -- as in, "Did you do drugs or steal or have sex when you were in high school?" If not, there's really no good reason to volunteer particulars. If he's trying to elicit facts about your past history, how is your story likely to be used? A rebellious teen might try stockpiling ammunition to be used against the authority figures in his life; if you think that's the case, proceed with caution.

On the other hand, if a child is sincerely reaching out for empathy and guidance for a personal struggle, it might help to reveal some of your own human weakness. This can be a unique teaching opportunity to share valuable wisdom drawn from real-life, hard-won experience. It's a time to humbly say: "I fell into that trap when I was young, and here's why I don't want to see you make the same mistake." In bringing your personal failings out into the open, you can show a struggling teen exactly what it means to correct course and, through faith, redeem the errors of the past. This can add credibility to your warnings and positively impact your child's future in ways you can't possibly predict.

Q: I've only been married for a few months, and my wife and I are already arguing about chores -- almost constantly! I suppose I'm the "neat freak," so I end up doing most of the work. How do we resolve this?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: You might be surprised that most newlyweds face this challenge. In fact, even seasoned married couples struggle with dividing household labor. It's a common issue because spouses usually have different definitions as to what constitutes "clean" -- and varied assumptions as to who should do what based on their unique family backgrounds.

So, like any other marital concern, your first order of business is to talk it through. Both of you need to respectfully lay your assumptions, expectations and personal preferences out on the table. The goals for your discussion should be unity, understanding, a commitment to shared responsibility and a plan that's fair and equitable.

Next, together make a comprehensive list of everything that needs to be done -- including the time required for each task. Then, each of you go over the list separately and indicate which of these you think are your responsibilities. Come back together and compare the results. Where you agree, great. Where it's less clear, discuss which of you has a preference or is better-equipped to take on that task. As everything is "assigned," it's important to tally up the time requirement to ensure it's reasonably fair based on the overall demands on each of you. Keep in mind that this is a partnership and that you'll need to stay flexible, making occasional adjustments based on your changing circumstances.

Finally, remember the rewards. Tackling chores together eases the burden, and a cooperative system will leave you with more time for togetherness and more leisure for individual activities.

For more helpful tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I enjoy being connected with family, friends and favorites through various social media platforms. But it seems like the tech is starting to dominate our lives -- and even negatively impact our marriage. How do we keep things in balance?

Jim: Like so many areas of life, the simplest solution makes the most sense: You just need to take control. Make it a priority to manage technology instead of letting it manage you.

One way to do this is to draw up a household "mission statement" to govern your use of social media. I suggest you begin by asking yourself some basic questions, such as "What am I hoping to accomplish through [Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, whatever]?" Sort these questions out with your spouse and write down your answers in the plainest possible terms. For example: "Use Facebook to stay in touch with Mom and Dad, my sister Jan, cousin Frank, and Bob and Jean" or "Follow these 10-15 individuals on Twitter." Then post those guidelines on the refrigerator and/or bathroom mirror and stick to them. Strategically limit your social media circles to your closest ties.

It's also important to set limits on the time you engage with social media -- and help each other stay accountable to those standards. Along those lines, you might find it beneficial to cut down the number of devices you're using to access your accounts.

Finally, give yourselves permission to set tech completely aside while you're doing more important things -- for example, a dinner date with your spouse or a household game night. Some families find it helpful to have a "No Tech Box" where phones and tablets can be laid aside voluntarily as a way of disconnecting for a while. You can probably come up with additional strategies of your own. Remember, you're in the driver's seat.

Q: I'm really struggling trying to teach my two-year-old to clean up after herself. She'll go into her sisters' room and trash it, then won't help with the mess unless I threaten to punish her -- or she only picks up a couple of things before getting distracted. Honestly, it's easier to just clean up myself. My older daughters complain about the unfairness of having to clean up when their little sister doesn't. What else can I do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: One of the most challenging elements of raising a toddler is setting boundaries. It's a necessary lesson with lifelong application.

First, take time to validate your older daughters' concerns -- this IS frustrating. But they can be part of the solution by modeling good behavior for their little sister.

Begin by limiting her play areas to give her a sense of healthy limits. If she consistently trashes her sisters' room, make that place off-limits. Keep play spaces confined to her own room or a family room.

Within those "approved" areas, limit the number of toys she has access to at a given time. Then, show her how to clean up one thing immediately before she moves on to the next. Use music, an audio story or a timer to make cleaning up enjoyable or competitive in order to drive motivation. Admittedly, it's a slow process that requires time, creativity, consistency and patience.

The good news is that the lesson of cleaning up a few toys will transfer to greater responsibility in years to come. Resist the temptation to swoop in and clean up for her -- but remember that you need to model what "clean up" looks like. The extra time and effort now will be well worth it as your daughter grows.

We have lots of other helpful tips and ideas at FocusOnTheFamiy.com/Parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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