Q: My spouse has a few irritating habits that haven't bothered me too much in the past. But this past year, being shut up together so much... I'm about ready to snap. Help!

Jim: Nobody can change someone else -- the only person you can change is yourself. This doesn't mean that there are no limits to what's appropriate in a marriage: You don't need to accept abusive behavior, and physical aggression is NEVER to be tolerated.

But in the case of smaller, less harmful habits, it may be worth addressing the issue if you think the change would truly benefit everyone and put your relationship on a stronger footing. If you do, keep these things in mind:

-- Tackle the problem honestly. Say something like, "Honey, it bothers me when you burp at the table. It teaches the kids a bad habit and it's rude to guests."

-- Explain the benefit of the change. For example, "Meals will be more pleasant for all of us and you'll be a good example to our kids."

-- Don't demand change. Instead, request it. Your spouse will likely respond more favorably.

-- Don't attack your mate. Confront the problem; don't belittle the person.

-- Discuss ways to bring about the desired result. Change is hard for all of us. Work together to find ways to alter bad habits.

-- Encourage growth. Acknowledge positive progress and express appreciation for your mate's efforts.

-- Remember: Change takes time. Be patient and reinforce that you're in this together for the long haul.

-- Look for the good in your mate. Focus on your spouse's good habits, not just the irritating ones.

-- Seek to change the habit, not the person. Trying to alter your spouse's personality or temperament is a losing battle that will end in frustration for both of you.

Our staff counselors are happy to help you unpack these ideas; call 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm a woman in my early 20s just starting my career. I think I'm in love with a guy at work, but I'm not certain about his feelings for me. Do you have advice about romantic relationships between co-workers?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I'd suggest you tread carefully. Many office romances end in disaster. A typical scenario: A couple begins dating, the relationship doesn't work out and they break up. If there are hard feelings, the working environment can become a nightmare -- not only for the ex-couple but also co-workers who may feel pressured to choose sides. That's why some companies have "non-fraternization" policies.

On the other hand, some office romances work out fine, especially when they involve two mature and thoughtful individuals. Generally speaking, it's inadvisable to date a supervisor or a subordinate. The best case is when two people work in separate departments; if the relationship sours, there's not the awkwardness of interacting with each other every day.

I would be wary of jumping to conclusions. Don't read too much into the fact that you've had some good conversations with this guy or feel a sense of chemistry. Guard your heart and avoid building up a romantic fantasy in your mind. You'll know soon enough if his feelings for you are "more than friendly." Use the time to get to know him before allowing your emotions to run away with you. Watch him on the job; get input from people who have known him for a while. See how he interacts with fellow employees -- especially other women. Then ask yourself if he displays the character that you want in a dating and marriage partner.

Finally, I'd encourage you to grab a copy of a great book, The Dating Manifesto, written by my colleague Lisa Anderson of the excellent website Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I guess it's time to admit that my use of alcohol is starting to impact my family -- and even my work. I doubt that I'll be able to stop drinking without professional assistance. Can you help point me in the right direction?

Jim: I commend you for already taking the most important step toward change -- admitting that you need help.

Nobody sets a goal of becoming addicted to any substance. Addiction is powerful and deceptive in its nature. It's a nondiscriminatory progressive disorder of the body, mind and spirit. So, it isolates people spiritually, emotionally and socially. The only way to move beyond this isolation it to intentionally choose to do so.

I encourage you to start your recovery journey by identifying the nearest support group that deals with alcoholism or other addictive behaviors. In addition to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there are many faith-based recovery meetings that can offer encouragement.

If you're unsure what level of care you need, I'd recommend that you contact a licensed chemical dependency treatment program locally to schedule an evaluation. That assessment will help you determine the next step. Sure, the thought of taking that step may seem intimidating. But I strongly encourage you to follow through on their recommendations. Your life is too precious to gamble -- and overcoming any addiction without outside help is extremely difficult.

Getting treatment is a crucial decision, but it's just the beginning. After treatment, the stresses of living sober can quickly lead to a relapse. You'll want to connect with a strong aftercare program that teaches relapse prevention techniques and skills.

Finally, I invite you to call our licensed counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357). They can provide encouragement and also help you find a qualified therapist in your area who can assist in your efforts to move forward. May God grant you the strength for the journey.

Q: Our teenage son would play video games 24/7 if he could. It's only gotten worse this past year with social distancing. We struggle to try and get him involved in any kind of physical activity or even just to read a book. Help!

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: You're not alone. Recent polls reveal that more than half of parents have abandoned most (or all) of their pre-pandemic rules regarding screen time. And yet 70 percent wish they did a better job of monitoring their children's tech use.

Boys are especially vulnerable to the pull of video games (illusion of power, feelings of competence, a sense of belonging and worth, etc.). They're drawn to games' excitement and risk without "real life" threats and dangers.

I'd suggest it's time to go beyond "encouraging him to do other things," and actually set some clear and consistent limits:

-- Explore what draws him so intensely toward video games.

-- Explain your concerns and needed changes. Your life-giving goals for him are health, growth and maturity -- not his happiness.

-- Discuss why a balanced life is essential to mental health. Together, develop a list of alternate activities (reading, face-to-face time with friends, exercising, being outdoors, etc.); post it on the refrigerator.

-- Clarify limits for video games (use a timer) and consequences (like loss of privileges) when boundaries aren't respected.

-- Finally, follow through! Don't shrink in the face of frustration, anger and complaining. If you're consistent, your child will probably develop some healthy new interests within a few short weeks.

Worst-case, you might need to get rid of the gaming devices for a time. Most parents who stay strong in this battle find that their teens will eventually discover that there's more to life than the illusions on a screen.

For more insights and tips, see the "technology management" section at FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My teen daughter and her boyfriend frequently exchange put-downs and insults. She laughs it off, but I don't think this is healthy behavior. Am I being too sensitive?

Jim: I think you can trust your gut on this one. It's no secret that many teens could benefit from some basic training on how to treat members of the opposite sex. And there's no one better than a caring parent to teach them.

There's been much discussion in recent years about "sexual respect" -- respectful conduct between men and women. But that concept has to be rooted in something more fundamental: recognizing the inherent value of every person. The best approach is to foster decency and consideration for other people's feelings in all kinds of relationships. So-called "sexual respect" will follow as a natural consequence.

I suggest you begin by encouraging your daughter to develop a stronger sense of self-respect. As a person of worth, she does herself a disservice if she allows her boyfriend -- or anyone else -- to insult her. When she tolerates nasty put-downs by laughing them off, she's sending a message that she considers this kind of behavior acceptable. She may think (or at least say) it's "no big deal," but what if the jokes were suddenly to turn mean or cruel? What would happen if the verbal disrespect were to escalate into physical or sexual abuse?

You might also ask your daughter if she's seen other teens put up with a little verbal abuse only to endure more serious jibes and emotional hurt later on. Chances are she'll know exactly what you're talking about.

If your daughter needs guidance setting appropriate boundaries in personal relationships, she may want to take a look at a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. And please call our counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of assistance.

Q: I've only been married a couple of years, but I already sense that the original "shimmer" of our romance is beginning to fade. Is something wrong with us? Are we "falling out of love"?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Most couples find it hard to maintain the emotional excitement of romance once the day-to-day reality of married life sets in. But there's good news: You can still have a healthy, vibrant marriage even when routine begins to take over.

It's actually fairly simple. You just need to grab hold of the fundamental "anchor points" of daily existence and turn them into meaningful relational moments. Here are some suggestions:

-- Waking Up. Instead of muttering "Good morning," turn to your spouse first thing and whisper something like: "I love you and I'm glad to be waking up together."

-- Leaving the house. When it's time to go, kiss your spouse goodbye -- and kiss like you really mean it!

-- Checking in. Stay in touch when you're apart. A quick call or even a text message can go a long way toward maintaining and strengthening connection.

-- Coming home. When you come back together in the evening, kiss and hug, talk about your respective days and really listen to your spouse. You'll be surprised what a difference it makes.

-- Mealtimes. Sit at the table and make eye contact -- no phones, TV or other screens! Meals are ideal times for reconnecting and celebrating your shared identity as a couple.

-- Bedtime. The end of the day, like the beginning, is a universal "anchor point." It's a time when you can "clean the slate" and express gratitude and appreciation with a kiss.

Obviously, this isn't rocket science. Neither is it about "doing more" or "doing things right." It's purely a matter of blooming where you're planted. For more tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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