Q: I guess it's time to admit that my use of alcohol is starting to impact my family -- and even my work. I doubt that I'll be able to stop drinking without professional assistance. Can you help point me in the right direction?

Jim: I commend you for already taking the most important step toward change -- admitting that you need help.

Nobody sets a goal of becoming addicted to any substance. Addiction is powerful and deceptive in its nature. It's a nondiscriminatory progressive disorder of the body, mind and spirit. So, it isolates people spiritually, emotionally and socially. The only way to move beyond this isolation it to intentionally choose to do so.

I encourage you to start your recovery journey by identifying the nearest support group that deals with alcoholism or other addictive behaviors. In addition to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there are many faith-based recovery meetings that can offer encouragement.

If you're unsure what level of care you need, I'd recommend that you contact a licensed chemical dependency treatment program locally to schedule an evaluation. That assessment will help you determine the next step. Sure, the thought of taking that step may seem intimidating. But I strongly encourage you to follow through on their recommendations. Your life is too precious to gamble -- and overcoming any addiction without outside help is extremely difficult.

Getting treatment is a crucial decision, but it's just the beginning. After treatment, the stresses of living sober can quickly lead to a relapse. You'll want to connect with a strong aftercare program that teaches relapse prevention techniques and skills.

Finally, I invite you to call our licensed counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357). They can provide encouragement and also help you find a qualified therapist in your area who can assist in your efforts to move forward. May God grant you the strength for the journey.

Q: Our teenage son would play video games 24/7 if he could. It's only gotten worse this past year with social distancing. We struggle to try and get him involved in any kind of physical activity or even just to read a book. Help!

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: You're not alone. Recent polls reveal that more than half of parents have abandoned most (or all) of their pre-pandemic rules regarding screen time. And yet 70 percent wish they did a better job of monitoring their children's tech use.

Boys are especially vulnerable to the pull of video games (illusion of power, feelings of competence, a sense of belonging and worth, etc.). They're drawn to games' excitement and risk without "real life" threats and dangers.

I'd suggest it's time to go beyond "encouraging him to do other things," and actually set some clear and consistent limits:

-- Explore what draws him so intensely toward video games.

-- Explain your concerns and needed changes. Your life-giving goals for him are health, growth and maturity -- not his happiness.

-- Discuss why a balanced life is essential to mental health. Together, develop a list of alternate activities (reading, face-to-face time with friends, exercising, being outdoors, etc.); post it on the refrigerator.

-- Clarify limits for video games (use a timer) and consequences (like loss of privileges) when boundaries aren't respected.

-- Finally, follow through! Don't shrink in the face of frustration, anger and complaining. If you're consistent, your child will probably develop some healthy new interests within a few short weeks.

Worst-case, you might need to get rid of the gaming devices for a time. Most parents who stay strong in this battle find that their teens will eventually discover that there's more to life than the illusions on a screen.

For more insights and tips, see the "technology management" section at FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My teen daughter and her boyfriend frequently exchange put-downs and insults. She laughs it off, but I don't think this is healthy behavior. Am I being too sensitive?

Jim: I think you can trust your gut on this one. It's no secret that many teens could benefit from some basic training on how to treat members of the opposite sex. And there's no one better than a caring parent to teach them.

There's been much discussion in recent years about "sexual respect" -- respectful conduct between men and women. But that concept has to be rooted in something more fundamental: recognizing the inherent value of every person. The best approach is to foster decency and consideration for other people's feelings in all kinds of relationships. So-called "sexual respect" will follow as a natural consequence.

I suggest you begin by encouraging your daughter to develop a stronger sense of self-respect. As a person of worth, she does herself a disservice if she allows her boyfriend -- or anyone else -- to insult her. When she tolerates nasty put-downs by laughing them off, she's sending a message that she considers this kind of behavior acceptable. She may think (or at least say) it's "no big deal," but what if the jokes were suddenly to turn mean or cruel? What would happen if the verbal disrespect were to escalate into physical or sexual abuse?

You might also ask your daughter if she's seen other teens put up with a little verbal abuse only to endure more serious jibes and emotional hurt later on. Chances are she'll know exactly what you're talking about.

If your daughter needs guidance setting appropriate boundaries in personal relationships, she may want to take a look at a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. And please call our counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of assistance.

Q: I've only been married a couple of years, but I already sense that the original "shimmer" of our romance is beginning to fade. Is something wrong with us? Are we "falling out of love"?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Most couples find it hard to maintain the emotional excitement of romance once the day-to-day reality of married life sets in. But there's good news: You can still have a healthy, vibrant marriage even when routine begins to take over.

It's actually fairly simple. You just need to grab hold of the fundamental "anchor points" of daily existence and turn them into meaningful relational moments. Here are some suggestions:

-- Waking Up. Instead of muttering "Good morning," turn to your spouse first thing and whisper something like: "I love you and I'm glad to be waking up together."

-- Leaving the house. When it's time to go, kiss your spouse goodbye -- and kiss like you really mean it!

-- Checking in. Stay in touch when you're apart. A quick call or even a text message can go a long way toward maintaining and strengthening connection.

-- Coming home. When you come back together in the evening, kiss and hug, talk about your respective days and really listen to your spouse. You'll be surprised what a difference it makes.

-- Mealtimes. Sit at the table and make eye contact -- no phones, TV or other screens! Meals are ideal times for reconnecting and celebrating your shared identity as a couple.

-- Bedtime. The end of the day, like the beginning, is a universal "anchor point." It's a time when you can "clean the slate" and express gratitude and appreciation with a kiss.

Obviously, this isn't rocket science. Neither is it about "doing more" or "doing things right." It's purely a matter of blooming where you're planted. For more tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My parents are clearly partial to my daughter -- their first grandchild -- over her little brother. He obviously notices but doesn't say much. How do we address it when Grandma and Grandpa play favorites?

Jim: I'd suggest that your first priority is to affirm your son (the youngest child). Reassure him that you've seen the signs of favoritism, as well, and that it's not a reflection of his worth or identity. Avoid blaming the grandparents, but let your son know you're working on it.

Hopefully you can address this issue through a good-natured, non-defensive discussion with your parents. Start by emphasizing how much you appreciate their interest and involvement in your kids' lives. Highlight positive contributions they've made to the children's upbringing. Once you've set the right tone, explain your concerns. Communicate that while you're certain they've always acted from the best of intentions, some of their actions and words have been hurtful to your younger child. Ask them to help you find a way to counteract this (hopefully) unintended effect.

If they deny the charge of favoritism, just thank them for listening and let the matter drop. It's possible that after some sober reflection they'll see the sense of your words and quietly make the necessary changes.

However, if they react in anger there may be deeper boundary issues below the surface. If so, you may want to invite them to discuss the problem with you in the presence of an objective third party -- a good friend, a disinterested relative, a pastor or even a qualified family therapist.

Finally, in extreme cases where grandparents refuse to cooperate, it may be necessary to limit the amount of time they spend with your children -- at least until they begin to take some positive steps in the right direction.

If you'd like to discuss this situation with our counselors, call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I spend time with my kids, go to all their activities and make sure they're taken care of. I'm trying to be a good dad, but my wife says I'm not very loving in how I talk to them. How much do my words really affect my kids?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Words can encourage or tear down, connect or divide. Think about the words you commonly use -- are they life-giving, or critical and damaging?

Ask yourself the following questions when considering how your words impact your children:

-- Are they true? You need discernment to determine the truths your child needs to hear. For instance, it may be accurate to tell a child they aren't good at a particular thing -- but what's your purpose in saying that? Also, be sure to follow up with something they do well to convey life-giving confidence. And if your child has heard destructive lies about their identity and value, bolster a proper perspective by communicating the truth about who they are.

-- Are they encouraging? Sometimes children just need to hear that things are going to be all right. They also need you to talk about good qualities they know or suspect they have -- or maybe didn't know they had.

-- Are they loving? You don't want to look back with regret someday, wishing you had said "I love you" more.

-- Are they helpful? Words of redirection and correction can teach important concepts about life, relationships, responsibility, work and finances.

Here are some great words that can build life in your child by modeling respect and love:

-- Thank you.

-- I love you.

-- That was brave/kind/responsible.

-- You are capable/trustworthy/smart/a leader.

-- I missed you.

-- That's probably not a good idea, a better choice would be...

-- I enjoy spending time with you.

-- I'm sorry.

For more practical tips and resources, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.