Q: We're struggling with our teen son's use of marijuana. We have confronted him, but he just counters that cannabis is now socially acceptable and being legalized across the country. He has refused to stop and we're not sure how to respond.

Jim: Admittedly, your son is correct in some respects. The social stigma against marijuana is diminishing rapidly and many states have legalized it for even non-medicinal purposes (although in most cases the minimum age limit is 21).

However, legalities aside, the fact remains that cannabis is a mind-altering and addictive drug. Your son needs to understand that his physical and mental health are being compromised. If you have noticed recent changes in his personality, you can strengthen your case by describing these behavioral shifts in specific terms. You can also direct him to the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA.gov), where he can see images of "the brain on pot" and access facts about the effects of marijuana on the central nervous system.

Once you've covered the science, don't hesitate to draw a line in the sand. The permissive attitudes of society have nothing to do with the standards governing your home. If you've decided you don't want weed in the house, as long as he's living with you, it has to go. Set firm and consistent boundaries and enforce them by imposing swift and powerful consequences -- for example, the loss of phone or driving privileges.

If he refuses to cooperate, I strongly suggest that you seek professional help -- together as a family. The most successful treatment programs take a family systems approach that involves intensive evaluation and a series of counseling sessions offered in an environment of community and accountability. Our staff counselors will be happy to help you get started; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My boyfriend and I both come from broken homes. We want to make sure we don't end up divorced like our parents, so we're planning on living together before marriage to test our compatibility. Is that a good approach?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I hear this question a lot. More and more, it seems, many well-intended couples believe that living together before marrying is a good way to find out if they have what it takes to build a strong relationship. If anything, cohabitating is almost becoming a societally acceptable norm. And on the surface, it might seem to make sense that a "test drive" should provide the information needed to predict marital success or failure.

Unfortunately, however, the facts show that the exact opposite is true. The best research indicates that couples who live together before marriage have a 50 percent higher divorce rate than those who don't. These couples also have higher rates of domestic violence; they're more likely to become involved in sexual affairs. If a cohabiting couple gets pregnant, studies show a very high probability that the man will abandon the relationship within two years -- leaving a single mom to raise a fatherless child. Cohabitation lacks a key element of what makes a successful marriage: formally expressed commitment.

So, I strongly recommend the alternative of strategic, intentional premarital counseling. The very best way to test your compatibility for marriage is to date for at least one year before engagement -- while participating in a structured counseling program that includes psychological testing. For referrals, call the number listed above.

Meanwhile, Focus on the Family offers a wealth of marriage and pre-marriage resources -- including assessment tools to identify the areas where you shine as a couple, as well as help you target spots that could use a little improvement. See FocusOnTheFamily.com/marriage/ready-to-wed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband recently left me and moved in with another woman. My children are confused because their dad has been lying to them about where he's living and the reasons for our separation. What should I tell them?

Jim: I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Even though I can understand your desire to protect your kids' innocence, it's important to be honest with them about what's going on. Be as forthright as you can be while taking their age and maturity into account.

I suggest you sit down with your kids and, using age-appropriate language, explain that Mom and Dad haven't been getting along and that Dad has made some bad choices that are hurting the family. Definitely resist the temptation to bad-mouth your spouse, because you don't want to alienate him even further from the kids. If they ask about the other woman, give them a straightforward answer and explain that it makes you very sad that their father has moved in with her.

Most importantly, reassure your children of your love. Emphasize that you understand how painful this situation is for them. Encourage them to be open about their sadness and anger, but don't allow them to engage in aggressive or destructive behavior. Writing and journaling are good emotional outlets for older kids. Younger children sometimes find it helpful to express their feelings by drawing pictures.

Focus on the Family exists to help people in your situation, so I invite you to contact our counselors for more specific insights. They'll provide a free consultation and can also refer you to a qualified professional in your area who can help you and your kids navigate this difficult time. The number to call is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: One of my parenting struggles is that I tend to let misbehavior and disobedience go unchallenged. I know this doesn't help my kids in the long run; how can I change?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are four basic parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. Studies consistently show that authoritative parenting is the most effective and beneficial style for kids. Researchers have discovered that authoritative parenting can lead to fewer behavioral, mental, social and emotional issues in children. It can also yield academic and relational benefits.

Authoritative parenting involves high levels of warmth, responsiveness and sensitivity accompanied by limits and expectations. A practical starting point and template can be found in the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting: adaptability, respect, intentionality, steadfast love, boundaries, forgiveness and gratitude.

To become a more authoritative parent, consider focusing on these three areas:

1. Yourself. Do you need to create more boundaries for yourself (and your kids)? Take inventory of what you're doing well and where you might need improvement. Give your list to someone you trust who can weigh in with their own observations while encouraging you as you try to make improvements.

2. Your child(ren). What do your children need to learn emotionally, mentally, socially? Get involved in what interests them. Your children want a relationship with you and need your wise, intentional direction. Work on modeling wisdom and true humility, along with respect, love and gratitude.

3. Your family. Ultimately, we all carve out time for the things that are most important to us -- so make your family a priority. Take time to connect and develop the kind of memories you want for your family. Strengthen relationships through grace and forgiveness.

To read more about the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting and how they can help transform the way you raise your kids, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/7traits.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Our 23-year-old son is living with us again. We also have young teens in the house. We know we should treat our adult son differently in terms of rules and expectations, but we're concerned about how this might affect the younger kids. Help!

Jim: Many families are facing similar situations these days. Even though you're still his parents, your son is an adult and needs to be respected and treated as one.

Of course, this doesn't mean he's exempt from rules of any kind while in your home. Going forward, you should expect the same from him that you would from any other adult boarder renting a room in your house. Rules are essential wherever people share living space. However, they shouldn't exist to control your son's attitudes, actions or behavior. Instead, the rules you implement should be for the purpose of preserving order and safeguarding the best interests of the entire household.

With this in mind, it's reasonable to insist that everyone pick up after themselves and keep shared spaces clear of personal clutter. All should agree to uphold family standards of decency and propriety -- including maintaining respect for other people's privacy and property. If you feel it's appropriate that the older son should contribute to the financial burden of running the household, don't be afraid to hold him to that.

This arrangement shouldn't have a negative impact on your two teenagers. The key is to clarify the distinction between minors and adults. Part of that process is explaining the reasons for the different sets of rules that will apply while their older brother is living at home. Meanwhile, assure them that the time is rapidly approaching when they'll also have to carry the entire burden of responsibility for their behavior. As teens, they should already be moving in that direction.

Q: Sometimes I get frustrated and upset with my husband, and I feel like I need to express my feelings to someone who cares and understands. A lot of my communication with my best female friends is through social media. Is it healthy to use those channels to seek support?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: In most relationships there's a place for venting. But that place is definitely NOT any form of social media. We all know that even "private" social media conversations often don't remain private. If you air your dirty laundry in the open, you'll only hurt your marriage and destroy any sense of trust between you and your spouse.

Venting should only be done in a private setting. The purpose is to set your feelings out for assessment so that you can view them more impersonally and evaluate them. This is an important part of the process of communicating with loved ones, setting and readjusting goals, and making necessary changes.

On the other hand, interactions via social media are either public to start with or can easily become so. Any sort of social media post has the potential to reach a much wider audience than you may have intended in a very short time. Once you've put something out there, you have no way of controlling where it might be sent by even well-meaning friends. A good rule of thumb is, "Don't post anything on social media that you wouldn't want to see published."

So, if you need to vent, I strongly recommend that you take it offline. Marital frustrations are something you should discuss first and foremost with your spouse, not a circle of friends and acquaintances. And if you need more help dealing with your marital problems, don't hesitate to contact our counseling department at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.