Q: My husband and I decided to emphasize a healthier lifestyle this year, especially since we have young children and want to establish good habits. But just a few weeks in we're finding that it's a lot harder than we expected. Do you have any helpful tips?

Jim: It's a good sign that you're even thinking in these terms; intentionality is an important and often overlooked ingredient of good health. There are several questions to consider on a regular basis that will help you stay on track:

How's your fuel? When planning your family's menu, consider the number of calories you're each consuming every day; the actual nutrients in what you eat; the daily proportions of protein, fat and carbohydrates; sufficient amounts of fruits and vegetables; and the importance of eating breakfast.

Are you carrying too much -- or too little -- fat storage? The most common and serious nutritional problem in our country is our tendency to consume too much food. But some people struggle with eating disorders that compel them to eat very little. Work with your family physician to avoid extremes.

Do you all exercise regularly? If possible, everyone in the house should be doing some kind of physical activity at least five days a week.

How's your emotional health? Do mom and dad maintain work-life balance? Are your relationships healthy or toxic? Do you feel anxious, depressed or stressed out much of the time? Seek professional help if necessary.

How's your spiritual health? A strong personal faith that guides your outlook on life, directs your daily choices and brings you comfort, peace and joy can have a measurable impact on your physical health.

How's your marriage? A close, intimate relationship between Mom and Dad is crucial, because a strong marriage is the nucleus of a healthy home.

Are you all getting enough sleep? We spend roughly a third of our life sleeping, and the quality of the sleep we get is a vital component of good health.

Q: I have two daughters, ages 10 and 12. They soak up new "friendships" like sponges, seemingly without any discernment or intentionality. Is this normal for young girls? Should I be concerned?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: What you're describing is perfectly normal. Tweens and teens (both boys and girls) increasingly lean into peer friendships for a sense of belongingness, competence and feelings of independence as they grow.

I'd advise you to look for opportunities to help your daughters cultivate these relational tendencies in positive ways:

Teach them empathy and practical ways to be kind, inclusive and welcoming to those who aren't part of their immediate circle of friends.

Emphasize the Golden Rule -- "Treat others the way you want to be treated." This helps kids develop the perspective of seeing from another person's point of view and experience.

Impress upon them the importance of keeping a compassionate eye out for girls who have been excluded or marginalized by the "popular crowd."

Remind them that thoughtful, caring people are nicer to be around -- so they should be thoughtful and caring while seeking friends who are.

Meanwhile, your daughters should recognize the hurtfulness of cliques and the problematic character traits they tend to foster. There's nothing wrong with having a group of special friends, but it shouldn't be allowed to become an elite and impenetrable "inner circle." As long as it remains open to outsiders and newcomers, a group of this kind can provide girls with lots of opportunities for healthy and enriching social interaction.

Finally, remember that the parent-child relationship is still the most foundational connection in a young person's development. So stay available to help your kids work through questions they have as they learn to cultivate friendships.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm divorced, with joint custody of my daughter. When she came to my place last weekend, she told me that my ex-wife has been making some very critical and unkind statements about me. What's the wisest way to handle this situation?

Jim: First, you should try to ascertain whether your ex-wife really said those things. Kids are capable of exaggerating or even making up stories, especially if they have some kind of vested interest in pitting Mom and Dad against one another. So don't jump to conclusions yet. Your knowledge of your child's and your ex-wife's personalities is a good place to begin your assessment.

If you're convinced that inappropriate comments ARE being made, let your daughter know that you plan to discuss it directly with your former wife. This will give you a chance to communicate your motives for taking action and the way you plan to deal the problem. For example, you might say to your daughter: "You mentioned some negative things that your mother has said about me. I think it's important to our entire family that we put a stop to this kind of talk, so I'm going to speak to your mom and try to agree about what we will and will not say about each other. If we have issues with each other, I want to resolve them without bringing you into it."

Finally, contact your ex-wife and ask if she's willing to support such a plan. Whatever the response, you can still make up your mind not to retaliate by launching verbal counterattacks. This is not to say that you should "candy coat" your ex's flaws for the sake of your child. When you have legitimate concerns, you should voice them, but you should also do your best to maintain an attitude of respect. Hopefully your child will see that your actions speak louder than your ex-spouse's words.

Q: We just learned my husband has cancer, and we're devastated. We have the best possible medical care, so there's hope -- but what can we do to keep the disease from harming our marriage?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: My heart goes out to you. Medical crises easily become emotional and spiritual crises that can present a serious challenge to any marriage.

First, while you already know it intellectually, you need to remind yourselves constantly that everything IS going to be different now. So let go of your expectations. Your response as a couple will depend upon your willingness to set aside your earlier hopes and dreams and roll with the punches of your present circumstances. In other words, you both need to become -- and remain -- adaptable.

As you navigate these difficult waters, don't forget to count your blessings. Ask yourselves, "In the midst of all that's happened, what can we be truly grateful for?" If you look hard enough, you'll discover that there's always something. So make it your aim to find new ways of enjoying life and serving others together. You might be surprised how satisfying and therapeutic this can be to both of you.

Meanwhile, don't be afraid to reach out to others for help. Sometimes your need will be as simple as a meal or a listening ear. At other times you may need advice regarding medical or legal decisions. Ask a friend (or several) to help you network at church and in your community to locate useful resources.

If you think it might be helpful to speak with a licensed therapist, don't hesitate to give our counselors a call 855-771-HELP (4357). They can also provide you with a list of professionals practicing in your area. Again, I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I recently became engaged. My fiancé is a fantastic person, but he has admitted that he has an addiction to pornography. I'm wondering whether this is a red flag -- and if so, how big. Do you think we should move forward in our relationship?

Jim: I'd strongly suggest you hit the brakes until your fiancé is ready to get serious about dealing with his problem. You both must understand that pornography is as physically addictive as any drug. The addiction is based on neurochemical changes that occur in the brain as a result of prolonged exposure to stimulating sexual imagery. Because of its neuron-chemical basis, it's tenacious, progressive and destructive in nature.

If you decide to marry this man, don't expect his addiction to go away on its own once you've said your wedding vows. In other words, don't assume that normal marital sexual relations will take the place of porn in his life. No living, breathing thinking woman can possibly fill that role without doing untold damage to herself as a person. That's because pornography addiction is not about sex. It's a symptom of an intimacy disorder -- a comprehensive psychological illness that compels an individual to avoid deep, meaningful interaction with a real human being and to replace it with impersonal sensual imagery. Marriage won't fix the problem; it will only complicate matters and increase your pain.

I can't emphasize enough that you both need to get professional counseling, and I urge you to do it together. The porn problem must be addressed before any further talk of marriage. If your fiancé sincerely wants to spend his life with you, he has a powerful motivation to make the necessary changes now. Once you've tied the knot, that motivation no longer exists in quite the same way. Our counselors are well-equipped to assist you both on the path to healing; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: How can I get my kids to be grateful? It seems like they have no idea how much they have to be thankful for.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This can be difficult given the natural consumer mindset we all possess. But it's an important matter, as research has consistently shown that genuine, ongoing gratitude helps improve emotional, relational, mental and physical health while developing key social behaviors in children.

Sure, it takes work and attention -- but a few tweaks to our habits and attitudes can help our children cultivate thankfulness.

-- Model gratitude. Your children mirror what you do. Do you speak and act from a grateful mindset? Look at your circumstances through a "gratitude lens." When you do, simple things like household chores become opportunities to serve rather than inconveniences. Difficulties can become opportunities for growth.

-- Create a gratitude photo album. Take pictures of things you are grateful for throughout the year and put together a gratitude album. Have each family member share through photos the things he is (or can be) grateful for.

-- Make a gratitude poster board. For an entire year, challenge your family to think of one new thing each day that they are thankful for. Write it on a poster board in different colors. Family members can take turns contributing that day's focus of gratitude, with a different member of the family writing it down. Encourage them to be creative.

-- Go for a gratitude walk. Take time to walk and let your mind settle on things you're thankful for. Look around and simply appreciate what you see, experience or remember.

-- Gratefully acknowledge those who have influenced you. Who has taken time to invest in you? Who has encouraged you with words or actions? Take a moment to thank them with a note, text or phone call.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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