Q: Our 4-year-old daughter has a sweet personality and the whole extended family has been doting on her since she was born. She loves being the center of attention and "performs" on cue if given the opportunity. But now I'm wondering -- how can we make sure to not overindulge our cute little girl?

Jim: It's no wonder your daughter will "perform on cue." She's been receiving positive reinforcement for that behavior for as long as she can remember. So far, it's all fun for everyone. But the danger is that she'll grow up believing that her value as a person is based on her cuteness and her performance, not on her character.

You need to start helping her develop solid character traits while she's still small, impressionable and teachable. Our culture says that "cuteness," physical attractiveness, popularity, power and success are the important things in life. But we intuitively know better. The things that truly make a person of character are what the Bible calls the "Fruit of the Spirit" -- qualities such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I suggest you make a conscious effort to praise your daughter whenever she displays these positive traits. You should also try to model these kinds of qualities for her and look for "teachable moments" to talk about the things that truly matter. It would also be a good idea to teach her how to serve others, whether that means caring for a neighbor's pet when they're on vacation or donating some of her toys to a local homeless shelter.

If you'd like to discuss these thoughts at greater length, I invite you to call our counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357). They'd be pleased to assist you in any way they can.

Q: Adam, I'm interested in your perspective about how COVID-19 has influenced the entertainment world, in both good ways and bad, and how that might impact parenting.

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: The coronavirus has scrambled everything about "normal" life. The entertainment industry is no exception. Many theaters never reopened at all after COVID-19 hit in March 2020. And that, combined with many more hours at home, has multiple implications for families' entertainment choices.

First, we're engaging with screens more than ever -- with screen use up as much as 50 percent since the coronavirus hit, according to some research. We're also watching newer streaming services, such as Disney+ and Apple TV+, which have joined the ranks of online content outlets such as Netflix, Amazon and Hulu. Other premium services such as HBO Max, CBS All Access and Peacock have leaped into the fray as well.

The overall result is a mixed bag for families. On the negative side, many of today's most popular streaming shows include graphic and explicit content. That makes understanding parental controls for these services more important than ever. On the flip side, many of these streaming services provide a whole host of family-friendly possibilities.

But there's the catch: Really knowing what's out there requires more intentionality and engagement on behalf of parents. Movie and TV show titles may be unfamiliar because the entertainment landscape is more fragmented than ever. And quite a few new movies streaming on these outlets aren't even rated.

So for families, the upside here is there are more positive viewing options, while the downside is more potential problems and unknowns to navigate as well. As always, Plugged In's reviews of movies and TV strive to give you everything you need to know about what's hot today in the world of entertainment (see www.PluggedIn.com). But nothing can replace a loving parent's thoughtful, discerning engagement when it comes to the things your tweens and teens are watching on their screens.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My 3-year-old is fascinated with evil characters. Whenever he plays make-believe, he always takes on the role of the villain; the only action figures he wants are the "bad guys." We've made big changes to our movie and TV viewing habits, but nothing has changed. How should we address this?

Jim: I don't think there's reason to be overly concerned -- yet -- about your three-year-old's interest in villains. Many young kids are fascinated with "bad guys." If your son is like most, this phase will eventually pass.

In fact, making a big deal out of the issue might actually delay the process of getting past it. Your son could be thriving on the negative attention he's getting by focusing on this issue. Kids will do almost anything for attention -- positive or negative -- especially if they're feeling neglected. The best approach is to ignore this villain business and concentrate on affirming your boy for interests that are more positive.

That said, a word of caution: If your son is mimicking the behavior of the evil characters and acting out in inappropriate ways, you'll need to nip that in the bud. Don't allow him to become aggressive or hurtful in his interactions with you, his siblings or other children.

Meanwhile, remember that you can use fictional children's characters to teach your child about virtuous character traits. Contrast between the "good guys" and the "bad guys." For example, you can ask your son, "Which character is more honest?" Then discuss the consequences of dishonesty. In the same way, you could ask, "Who is more helpful to other people?" This way you can direct the conversation into channels affirming positive virtues and actions.

Our counseling team would be happy to help if you'd like to unpack these thoughts in greater detail; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I married my husband basically for pragmatic reasons -- as a single mom at the time, I thought he'd be a great father to my child. Now I realize that I never really had romantic feelings for him. Is there hope for our relationship?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: The short answer to your question is yes: You can learn to love your husband with the kind of love that really lasts.

I say this for two reasons. First, in cultures where marriages are arranged, couples often learn to love one another deeply although their relationships weren't originally based on romantic feelings. Real love isn't primarily a matter of the emotions -- it's an act of the will. Feelings generally follow in the wake of intentional, deliberate actions; they grow out of commitment, perseverance and hard work.

The second reason gives me even more reason for hope. You apparently WANT to fall in love with your husband -- otherwise, you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. So you've already taken an important step in the right direction.

Continue making progress by asking yourself what attracted you to your husband at the beginning of your relationship. The two of you felt an emotional connection at some level, even if it was only because of the kindness he displayed toward your child. Something about this man led you to believe life with him would be better than life without him. That spark may have diminished over time, but it can still be found and fanned into flame if you're willing to put forth the effort. You just have to take the time to dig down beneath the ashes.

Yes, it will take work -- but it's worth it. As Jim noted above, our counselors would be honored to help you start. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: We've always been open with our teenage son about the fact that we adopted him at birth. But recently he's become almost obsessed with the topic -- and especially his birth parents. If he gets upset, he shouts that we aren't his "real" mom and dad. This is devastating to us; we love him so much and want him to know we ARE his family. How can we help him?

Jim: This is actually a common scenario for adoptive families. All teenagers struggle with identity issues, and that's definitely compounded when the various facets of adoption get thrown in the mix ("my biological parents didn't want me," etc.) So counselors suggest that parents not become hurt, discouraged or threatened when the adopted child expresses a desire for information about, or contact with, their birth parents.

Of course, much depends upon your own situation and the circumstances of the adoption. But in general, the adoption should not be an "off-limits" topic with your son. Allow him to ask questions, and answer to the best of your ability. If you know anything about his birth parents, tell him what you can. If there's a possibility for contact at some point, prayerfully consider how you might help facilitate that.

Again, one of the most helpful things parents can do for adopted kids is to be open, honest and forthcoming. Whatever the circumstances of his birth, it doesn't negate the fact that he is your son and a member of your family.

And make sure to emphasize this: With all else said, his birth mother/parents loved him enough to choose to give him life and a chance for a future through adoption.

If you'd like additional help navigating these waters, please call our counseling team for a free consultation. The number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: After such a contentious political year, we thought we'd be able to move on from partisan debates. But extended family and friends with views across the spectrum just keep harping on these issues. Our children are confused; how do we handle this with them?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Many of our beliefs, for good or bad, are framed as political matters. As parents we get to help our kids develop their belief system.

These five disciplines are helpful for belief development and political discussions. Teach your children:

-- To be humble. Humility helps us see political conversations as invitations to learn about others -- what they think and why they believe what they believe. Parents can model listening as a way of seeing the other person's point of view. It's not about sharing the other person's beliefs, but showing respect.

-- To discern. Your children must learn discernment when it comes to interpreting media and popular thought. Teach them early that beliefs drive how we think and act. Discuss the beliefs and values of your home and why they are important.

-- To reflect. At an age-appropriate level, discuss social issues and why they are important. Have respectful conversations about the actual issues and why people may feel strongly about certain ones.

-- To respond. Political issues can quickly divide people. Reacting doesn't help, but responding with questions such as, "Help me understand why you believe that?" can break down barriers.

-- To stand. What does your family stand for? What are your firm convictions and beliefs, and why? Teach your children to know what they believe and why their beliefs are worth standing up for.

There will always be disagreements over political issues. But if children learn to have these discussions with humility, discernment and a good understanding of their core beliefs, they can uphold what matters most.

You can find additional parenting tips at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.