Q: My 3-year-old is fascinated with evil characters. Whenever he plays make-believe, he always takes on the role of the villain; the only action figures he wants are the "bad guys." We've made big changes to our movie and TV viewing habits, but nothing has changed. How should we address this?

Jim: I don't think there's reason to be overly concerned -- yet -- about your three-year-old's interest in villains. Many young kids are fascinated with "bad guys." If your son is like most, this phase will eventually pass.

In fact, making a big deal out of the issue might actually delay the process of getting past it. Your son could be thriving on the negative attention he's getting by focusing on this issue. Kids will do almost anything for attention -- positive or negative -- especially if they're feeling neglected. The best approach is to ignore this villain business and concentrate on affirming your boy for interests that are more positive.

That said, a word of caution: If your son is mimicking the behavior of the evil characters and acting out in inappropriate ways, you'll need to nip that in the bud. Don't allow him to become aggressive or hurtful in his interactions with you, his siblings or other children.

Meanwhile, remember that you can use fictional children's characters to teach your child about virtuous character traits. Contrast between the "good guys" and the "bad guys." For example, you can ask your son, "Which character is more honest?" Then discuss the consequences of dishonesty. In the same way, you could ask, "Who is more helpful to other people?" This way you can direct the conversation into channels affirming positive virtues and actions.

Our counseling team would be happy to help if you'd like to unpack these thoughts in greater detail; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I married my husband basically for pragmatic reasons -- as a single mom at the time, I thought he'd be a great father to my child. Now I realize that I never really had romantic feelings for him. Is there hope for our relationship?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: The short answer to your question is yes: You can learn to love your husband with the kind of love that really lasts.

I say this for two reasons. First, in cultures where marriages are arranged, couples often learn to love one another deeply although their relationships weren't originally based on romantic feelings. Real love isn't primarily a matter of the emotions -- it's an act of the will. Feelings generally follow in the wake of intentional, deliberate actions; they grow out of commitment, perseverance and hard work.

The second reason gives me even more reason for hope. You apparently WANT to fall in love with your husband -- otherwise, you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. So you've already taken an important step in the right direction.

Continue making progress by asking yourself what attracted you to your husband at the beginning of your relationship. The two of you felt an emotional connection at some level, even if it was only because of the kindness he displayed toward your child. Something about this man led you to believe life with him would be better than life without him. That spark may have diminished over time, but it can still be found and fanned into flame if you're willing to put forth the effort. You just have to take the time to dig down beneath the ashes.

Yes, it will take work -- but it's worth it. As Jim noted above, our counselors would be honored to help you start. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We've always been open with our teenage son about the fact that we adopted him at birth. But recently he's become almost obsessed with the topic -- and especially his birth parents. If he gets upset, he shouts that we aren't his "real" mom and dad. This is devastating to us; we love him so much and want him to know we ARE his family. How can we help him?

Jim: This is actually a common scenario for adoptive families. All teenagers struggle with identity issues, and that's definitely compounded when the various facets of adoption get thrown in the mix ("my biological parents didn't want me," etc.) So counselors suggest that parents not become hurt, discouraged or threatened when the adopted child expresses a desire for information about, or contact with, their birth parents.

Of course, much depends upon your own situation and the circumstances of the adoption. But in general, the adoption should not be an "off-limits" topic with your son. Allow him to ask questions, and answer to the best of your ability. If you know anything about his birth parents, tell him what you can. If there's a possibility for contact at some point, prayerfully consider how you might help facilitate that.

Again, one of the most helpful things parents can do for adopted kids is to be open, honest and forthcoming. Whatever the circumstances of his birth, it doesn't negate the fact that he is your son and a member of your family.

And make sure to emphasize this: With all else said, his birth mother/parents loved him enough to choose to give him life and a chance for a future through adoption.

If you'd like additional help navigating these waters, please call our counseling team for a free consultation. The number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: After such a contentious political year, we thought we'd be able to move on from partisan debates. But extended family and friends with views across the spectrum just keep harping on these issues. Our children are confused; how do we handle this with them?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Many of our beliefs, for good or bad, are framed as political matters. As parents we get to help our kids develop their belief system.

These five disciplines are helpful for belief development and political discussions. Teach your children:

-- To be humble. Humility helps us see political conversations as invitations to learn about others -- what they think and why they believe what they believe. Parents can model listening as a way of seeing the other person's point of view. It's not about sharing the other person's beliefs, but showing respect.

-- To discern. Your children must learn discernment when it comes to interpreting media and popular thought. Teach them early that beliefs drive how we think and act. Discuss the beliefs and values of your home and why they are important.

-- To reflect. At an age-appropriate level, discuss social issues and why they are important. Have respectful conversations about the actual issues and why people may feel strongly about certain ones.

-- To respond. Political issues can quickly divide people. Reacting doesn't help, but responding with questions such as, "Help me understand why you believe that?" can break down barriers.

-- To stand. What does your family stand for? What are your firm convictions and beliefs, and why? Teach your children to know what they believe and why their beliefs are worth standing up for.

There will always be disagreements over political issues. But if children learn to have these discussions with humility, discernment and a good understanding of their core beliefs, they can uphold what matters most.

You can find additional parenting tips at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I know it may be wishful thinking, but I am SO ready for the calendar to change and put this year in the past. At the same time, I'm worried about how the stress of 2020 has affected me. Do you have any advice for handling whatever comes in 2021?

Jim: We're all running as fast as we can, and it's not easy to slow down. Pandemic aside, society rewards us for being on the go all day, every day. Working a job, building a strong marriage and raising a family are hard work. Some days keeping up with all that life demands of us is the best we can do.

A season of busyness is one thing. But it's no way to live. We miss out on the richness of the world around us when we're overcommitted and stressed out. The problem isn't just that we have busy schedules -- it's that we have busy hearts and busy minds. We're so anxious and stressed out that we never notice the beauty or the fragrance of life. A hectic pace may seem good for your bank account, but rest and quiet are good for your soul.

That's why sometimes the best thing to do is -- nothing at all. Peace and quiet aren't very easy to come by when you're busy. But they're worth pursuing. It's in silence that honest thoughts have a chance to rise to the surface and be heard. That's why you have "eureka" moments when you're lying in bed at night or driving alone. Ideas have a chance to percolate and show up unexpectedly when your mind is free to wander.

Get away from technology whenever you can. Take a stroll through the neighborhood. Be intentional about creating opportunities to enjoy some peace and quiet. Because sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all.

Q: I'm a young dad who's struggling to be a good husband and father. But no matter what I do, my wife tells me I'm not pulling my weight. If you ask me, I'm trying -- I play with the kids when I can. But she expects me to do things I don't know how to do and never thought of doing -- like getting meals and changing diapers. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: As in every area of married life, the key is open communication. Many couples never talk to each other about their parenting expectations -- or the fears and struggles they're facing as they do their best to care for a child.

You and your wife need to sit down and discuss this issue calmly and rationally. Get a babysitter and go out for the evening, away from the kids and the pressures of household chores. Share dinner together at a nice restaurant. When you're both relaxed, express your frustrations respectfully but candidly. At the same time, let her know that you're eager and willing to learn what needs to be done at home and with your children so that you can jump in and do those tasks when you see they're needed. If you're unsure how do certain things, ask her to help you out with some basic training and instruction. She'll probably appreciate this more than you realize.

Whatever approach you take, it's vital that you and your wife learn how to function as a team. Babies thrive best with the love and care of both parents. Child-care skills can be learned -- and you might just find it opens up a whole new world of connection with your kids AND your wife.

Our staff counselors would love to help you unpack this further; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.