Q: We've always been open with our teenage son about the fact that we adopted him at birth. But recently he's become almost obsessed with the topic -- and especially his birth parents. If he gets upset, he shouts that we aren't his "real" mom and dad. This is devastating to us; we love him so much and want him to know we ARE his family. How can we help him?

Jim: This is actually a common scenario for adoptive families. All teenagers struggle with identity issues, and that's definitely compounded when the various facets of adoption get thrown in the mix ("my biological parents didn't want me," etc.) So counselors suggest that parents not become hurt, discouraged or threatened when the adopted child expresses a desire for information about, or contact with, their birth parents.

Of course, much depends upon your own situation and the circumstances of the adoption. But in general, the adoption should not be an "off-limits" topic with your son. Allow him to ask questions, and answer to the best of your ability. If you know anything about his birth parents, tell him what you can. If there's a possibility for contact at some point, prayerfully consider how you might help facilitate that.

Again, one of the most helpful things parents can do for adopted kids is to be open, honest and forthcoming. Whatever the circumstances of his birth, it doesn't negate the fact that he is your son and a member of your family.

And make sure to emphasize this: With all else said, his birth mother/parents loved him enough to choose to give him life and a chance for a future through adoption.

If you'd like additional help navigating these waters, please call our counseling team for a free consultation. The number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: After such a contentious political year, we thought we'd be able to move on from partisan debates. But extended family and friends with views across the spectrum just keep harping on these issues. Our children are confused; how do we handle this with them?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Many of our beliefs, for good or bad, are framed as political matters. As parents we get to help our kids develop their belief system.

These five disciplines are helpful for belief development and political discussions. Teach your children:

-- To be humble. Humility helps us see political conversations as invitations to learn about others -- what they think and why they believe what they believe. Parents can model listening as a way of seeing the other person's point of view. It's not about sharing the other person's beliefs, but showing respect.

-- To discern. Your children must learn discernment when it comes to interpreting media and popular thought. Teach them early that beliefs drive how we think and act. Discuss the beliefs and values of your home and why they are important.

-- To reflect. At an age-appropriate level, discuss social issues and why they are important. Have respectful conversations about the actual issues and why people may feel strongly about certain ones.

-- To respond. Political issues can quickly divide people. Reacting doesn't help, but responding with questions such as, "Help me understand why you believe that?" can break down barriers.

-- To stand. What does your family stand for? What are your firm convictions and beliefs, and why? Teach your children to know what they believe and why their beliefs are worth standing up for.

There will always be disagreements over political issues. But if children learn to have these discussions with humility, discernment and a good understanding of their core beliefs, they can uphold what matters most.

You can find additional parenting tips at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I know it may be wishful thinking, but I am SO ready for the calendar to change and put this year in the past. At the same time, I'm worried about how the stress of 2020 has affected me. Do you have any advice for handling whatever comes in 2021?

Jim: We're all running as fast as we can, and it's not easy to slow down. Pandemic aside, society rewards us for being on the go all day, every day. Working a job, building a strong marriage and raising a family are hard work. Some days keeping up with all that life demands of us is the best we can do.

A season of busyness is one thing. But it's no way to live. We miss out on the richness of the world around us when we're overcommitted and stressed out. The problem isn't just that we have busy schedules -- it's that we have busy hearts and busy minds. We're so anxious and stressed out that we never notice the beauty or the fragrance of life. A hectic pace may seem good for your bank account, but rest and quiet are good for your soul.

That's why sometimes the best thing to do is -- nothing at all. Peace and quiet aren't very easy to come by when you're busy. But they're worth pursuing. It's in silence that honest thoughts have a chance to rise to the surface and be heard. That's why you have "eureka" moments when you're lying in bed at night or driving alone. Ideas have a chance to percolate and show up unexpectedly when your mind is free to wander.

Get away from technology whenever you can. Take a stroll through the neighborhood. Be intentional about creating opportunities to enjoy some peace and quiet. Because sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all.

Q: I'm a young dad who's struggling to be a good husband and father. But no matter what I do, my wife tells me I'm not pulling my weight. If you ask me, I'm trying -- I play with the kids when I can. But she expects me to do things I don't know how to do and never thought of doing -- like getting meals and changing diapers. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: As in every area of married life, the key is open communication. Many couples never talk to each other about their parenting expectations -- or the fears and struggles they're facing as they do their best to care for a child.

You and your wife need to sit down and discuss this issue calmly and rationally. Get a babysitter and go out for the evening, away from the kids and the pressures of household chores. Share dinner together at a nice restaurant. When you're both relaxed, express your frustrations respectfully but candidly. At the same time, let her know that you're eager and willing to learn what needs to be done at home and with your children so that you can jump in and do those tasks when you see they're needed. If you're unsure how do certain things, ask her to help you out with some basic training and instruction. She'll probably appreciate this more than you realize.

Whatever approach you take, it's vital that you and your wife learn how to function as a team. Babies thrive best with the love and care of both parents. Child-care skills can be learned -- and you might just find it opens up a whole new world of connection with your kids AND your wife.

Our staff counselors would love to help you unpack this further; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I think that "peace on earth" is completely unrealistic. Just look around us! This world is falling apart and all people do is viciously fight with each other. It doesn't matter if it's nation against nation, race vs. race, political parties or next-door neighbors -- you'll never convince me that "goodwill among men" is possible. So pardon me if I'm feeling a bit cynical about Christmas and all the feel-good messaging. Do you really believe all that?

Jim: Well, if we're left to our own human devices, I might agree with you -- at least to a point. There's plenty of evidence to show that mankind's default behavior is self-centered conflict. That's because every person, no matter how good we might appear to be on the outside, was born with something rotten at our core. Regardless of what moral standard you want to apply, all of us fall short on our own. We see it in the way we treat each other -- and if we're really honest with ourselves, we see it in our own eyes when we look in the mirror.

We've all observed that tendency clearly this past year. You're right: It's easy to become cynical about people when every headline, news clip or social media post just seems to add to the chaos and conflict. And I think the cynicism takes us further into the darkness. As a result, most of us -- at some level -- find ourselves living in fear of some sort.

But here's the thing: I believe we were created for something different. We're NOT able to live the way we should -- and treat each other as we all know we ought -- without a soul cleansing that has to come from a source that's bigger than we are. We can't fix ourselves.

We need to look at the context for the heavenly choir of angels singing "peace on earth, goodwill among men." The setup was the angelic spokesman saying: "a Savior is born." A Savior is necessary because we need saving -- from ourselves and the evil inside us.

The story of Christmas isn't about a small group of humans getting warm fuzzies by looking at a newborn, therefore feeling better about themselves and liking other people just a bit more. It's about the Creator of the universe looking down on our broken world, seeing what a mess we've made of it and stepping down INTO the mess to fix it by fixing us. The solution is to recognize and acknowledge who the baby in the manger actually is – and then turning over all of our cares and fears and failures to him.

So, yes -- I really DO believe the Christmas narrative, but it's more than just what happened one night in Bethlehem. It's about the baby, who he grew up to be, what he did to save us and the change he can make in human hearts. And I believe that those of us who accept that message can experience changed hearts so that we CAN live in peace.

Admittedly, not everyone will reciprocate. But when we see every human being as equally valuable, specially created in the image of the One who designs us as unique individuals, it changes our perspective. And then, even if we don't agree on everything -- or even most things -- we can respect each other and come closer to living in peace.

If you want to know more, visit us at FocusOnTheFamily.com. Meanwhile, I pray that you and your loved ones experience the peace that comes from knowing the Savior born that night in Bethlehem. Merry Christmas to you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.