Q: I think that "peace on earth" is completely unrealistic. Just look around us! This world is falling apart and all people do is viciously fight with each other. It doesn't matter if it's nation against nation, race vs. race, political parties or next-door neighbors -- you'll never convince me that "goodwill among men" is possible. So pardon me if I'm feeling a bit cynical about Christmas and all the feel-good messaging. Do you really believe all that?

Jim: Well, if we're left to our own human devices, I might agree with you -- at least to a point. There's plenty of evidence to show that mankind's default behavior is self-centered conflict. That's because every person, no matter how good we might appear to be on the outside, was born with something rotten at our core. Regardless of what moral standard you want to apply, all of us fall short on our own. We see it in the way we treat each other -- and if we're really honest with ourselves, we see it in our own eyes when we look in the mirror.

We've all observed that tendency clearly this past year. You're right: It's easy to become cynical about people when every headline, news clip or social media post just seems to add to the chaos and conflict. And I think the cynicism takes us further into the darkness. As a result, most of us -- at some level -- find ourselves living in fear of some sort.

But here's the thing: I believe we were created for something different. We're NOT able to live the way we should -- and treat each other as we all know we ought -- without a soul cleansing that has to come from a source that's bigger than we are. We can't fix ourselves.

We need to look at the context for the heavenly choir of angels singing "peace on earth, goodwill among men." The setup was the angelic spokesman saying: "a Savior is born." A Savior is necessary because we need saving -- from ourselves and the evil inside us.

The story of Christmas isn't about a small group of humans getting warm fuzzies by looking at a newborn, therefore feeling better about themselves and liking other people just a bit more. It's about the Creator of the universe looking down on our broken world, seeing what a mess we've made of it and stepping down INTO the mess to fix it by fixing us. The solution is to recognize and acknowledge who the baby in the manger actually is – and then turning over all of our cares and fears and failures to him.

So, yes -- I really DO believe the Christmas narrative, but it's more than just what happened one night in Bethlehem. It's about the baby, who he grew up to be, what he did to save us and the change he can make in human hearts. And I believe that those of us who accept that message can experience changed hearts so that we CAN live in peace.

Admittedly, not everyone will reciprocate. But when we see every human being as equally valuable, specially created in the image of the One who designs us as unique individuals, it changes our perspective. And then, even if we don't agree on everything -- or even most things -- we can respect each other and come closer to living in peace.

If you want to know more, visit us at FocusOnTheFamily.com. Meanwhile, I pray that you and your loved ones experience the peace that comes from knowing the Savior born that night in Bethlehem. Merry Christmas to you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: This is supposed to be the "feel good" season of the year. But to me it's always just extra stressful for the whole family. How can we change that pattern?

Jim: For most people, the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas are some of the busiest of the year. That's when the house gets decorated, the Christmas tree goes up, the shopping has to be done and (at least in "normal" years) there can be all manner of social obligations.

If we're not careful, the Christmas season can race by in a blur. And when it's all said and done, we'll have nothing to show for it. No joy. No special memories. Just stress and credit card bills. So here are a few ideas to put the Christmas spirit back into the season.

First, go slower. I admit, this isn't an easy one. But try to live in the moment. Stop what you're doing every so often and take in the decorations and Christmas music. Let the season -- and the reason for it -- get hold of you.

Second, do less. This one is also a challenge. There's a lot to be done this time of year. But maybe some of it isn't necessary. Cut back where you can.

Finally, create more memories. Let's face it, you probably won't remember a single present you'll get this year. What you WILL remember are the special times you spent with your spouse, your children and extended family. Make the most of those times.

Christmas is all in the heart. The decorations are great, and the gifts are fun, but they're not what make Christmas special. The memories we create are what will last.

Q: We're conflicted about Christmas presents this year. After everything that we've been through as a nation and a family, we feel like we should be extra generous to our kids. But we also can't afford to go overboard. What are your thoughts?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Kids around the world love to receive gifts. But you don't have to feel the need to buy things in order to make your children feel happy. Help them experience the gift and joy of healthy limits, contentment and gratitude this year.

According to a study by the University of Toledo, less is more. Too many toys can shorten a child's attention span and stifle their imagination. Kids who were given fewer toys to play with were more creative, more focused and played with each toy longer. Children who were given a lot of toys were more easily distracted. They played with each toy only for a short time, then tossed it aside for another one.

Research is backing up what parents have known for generations: Too much of anything is bad for kids. Playtime is no exception. It's just one important ingredient in developing a child's imagination and coordination.

If you've got toddlers and a playroom filled with toys, keep some in a storage bin. Allow them to play with fewer toys at a time. And rotate in new toys once in a while.

If your children are old enough for technology, you face the same issue: Too much is never good. Monitor their screen time and set reasonable limits. (Check out the "Technology Management" section at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting).

Those are good ideas any time of year, but your child gets an additional benefit at Christmastime. It gives them an opportunity to experience the true meaning of Christmas. The joy in the reason for the season isn't something you find under a mountain of toys. As Jim said in his answer above, it's found in our hearts through faith, love and family.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I help my 15-year-old son feel more confident around girls his age? He's still very shy and nervous in mixed company, and I'm looking for ways to give him a boost in this area. Any suggestions?

Jim: Millions of 15-year-old boys are shy and nervous around girls! So this is a very common problem -- if it's a problem at all.

The early teen years are incredibly challenging. Kids are going through puberty and all of the physical and emotional changes that go along with it. They're dealing with peer pressure and want desperately to fit in and be popular. And, of course, they are trying to relate successfully to the opposite sex.

Most teens are very self-conscious about how they look, act and are perceived by others. One of the best ways to combat self-consciousness is to reach out to others. Teens who get involved in service projects often feel a tremendous sense of fulfillment. And in the process of serving others, they begin to focus less on themselves and build more confidence.

One thing you might try, then, is to encourage your son to join a club or organization that is service-oriented. School counselors should be able to recommend some good ones, either at the school or in the community. Even better, find a church youth group that prioritizes service while emphasizing personal and spiritual growth.

As your son gets involved in one of these groups, encourage him to develop some non-romantic friendships with girls to whom he isn't necessarily attracted. Teenage boys tend to stumble all over themselves around the popular girls. However, as they develop relationships with girls with whom they interact daily, including many who have solid character, they learn how girls think and relate. And they will begin to feel more comfortable and confident with the opposite sex.

Q: When should my husband and I stop showering with our toddler-age children and changing clothes in front of them? Can you give us some guidelines for modesty in the home?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The development of modesty in children begins early (ages 18-24 months). If you're the opposite-sex parent, it's best to stop any showering or clothes-changing together during that period in a child's life. If you're the same-gender parent, you'll most likely be changing clothes in the same room (e.g., locker rooms) throughout your child's growth.

What's most important is that you instill a healthy view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You can start when they're toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language. Interestingly, children also develop the capacity for empathy around 18-24 months. Modesty and empathy help a child learn to see people and relationships through a lens of respect and care.

Kids tend to develop a desire for their own privacy between the ages of 3 to 5 years; this is developmentally healthy and beneficial. Help them learn how to effectively manage their desire for privacy when changing their clothes.

If a child asks questions while changing clothes, help him or her learn to respect the body by using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Also, give positive and straightforward answers to the inevitable questions about where babies come from. You don't necessarily need to go into a detailed description of human physiology; for age-appropriate tips and resources, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Here's one of the great privileges of parenting: You get to teach your child about the amazing design of the body and relationships from an early age, and you're also able to support and empower them by teaching about boundaries in relationship with others.

If you'd like to discuss this subject with our counselors, feel free to call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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