Q: This is supposed to be the "feel good" season of the year. But to me it's always just extra stressful for the whole family. How can we change that pattern?

Jim: For most people, the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas are some of the busiest of the year. That's when the house gets decorated, the Christmas tree goes up, the shopping has to be done and (at least in "normal" years) there can be all manner of social obligations.

If we're not careful, the Christmas season can race by in a blur. And when it's all said and done, we'll have nothing to show for it. No joy. No special memories. Just stress and credit card bills. So here are a few ideas to put the Christmas spirit back into the season.

First, go slower. I admit, this isn't an easy one. But try to live in the moment. Stop what you're doing every so often and take in the decorations and Christmas music. Let the season -- and the reason for it -- get hold of you.

Second, do less. This one is also a challenge. There's a lot to be done this time of year. But maybe some of it isn't necessary. Cut back where you can.

Finally, create more memories. Let's face it, you probably won't remember a single present you'll get this year. What you WILL remember are the special times you spent with your spouse, your children and extended family. Make the most of those times.

Christmas is all in the heart. The decorations are great, and the gifts are fun, but they're not what make Christmas special. The memories we create are what will last.

Q: We're conflicted about Christmas presents this year. After everything that we've been through as a nation and a family, we feel like we should be extra generous to our kids. But we also can't afford to go overboard. What are your thoughts?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Kids around the world love to receive gifts. But you don't have to feel the need to buy things in order to make your children feel happy. Help them experience the gift and joy of healthy limits, contentment and gratitude this year.

According to a study by the University of Toledo, less is more. Too many toys can shorten a child's attention span and stifle their imagination. Kids who were given fewer toys to play with were more creative, more focused and played with each toy longer. Children who were given a lot of toys were more easily distracted. They played with each toy only for a short time, then tossed it aside for another one.

Research is backing up what parents have known for generations: Too much of anything is bad for kids. Playtime is no exception. It's just one important ingredient in developing a child's imagination and coordination.

If you've got toddlers and a playroom filled with toys, keep some in a storage bin. Allow them to play with fewer toys at a time. And rotate in new toys once in a while.

If your children are old enough for technology, you face the same issue: Too much is never good. Monitor their screen time and set reasonable limits. (Check out the "Technology Management" section at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting).

Those are good ideas any time of year, but your child gets an additional benefit at Christmastime. It gives them an opportunity to experience the true meaning of Christmas. The joy in the reason for the season isn't something you find under a mountain of toys. As Jim said in his answer above, it's found in our hearts through faith, love and family.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I help my 15-year-old son feel more confident around girls his age? He's still very shy and nervous in mixed company, and I'm looking for ways to give him a boost in this area. Any suggestions?

Jim: Millions of 15-year-old boys are shy and nervous around girls! So this is a very common problem -- if it's a problem at all.

The early teen years are incredibly challenging. Kids are going through puberty and all of the physical and emotional changes that go along with it. They're dealing with peer pressure and want desperately to fit in and be popular. And, of course, they are trying to relate successfully to the opposite sex.

Most teens are very self-conscious about how they look, act and are perceived by others. One of the best ways to combat self-consciousness is to reach out to others. Teens who get involved in service projects often feel a tremendous sense of fulfillment. And in the process of serving others, they begin to focus less on themselves and build more confidence.

One thing you might try, then, is to encourage your son to join a club or organization that is service-oriented. School counselors should be able to recommend some good ones, either at the school or in the community. Even better, find a church youth group that prioritizes service while emphasizing personal and spiritual growth.

As your son gets involved in one of these groups, encourage him to develop some non-romantic friendships with girls to whom he isn't necessarily attracted. Teenage boys tend to stumble all over themselves around the popular girls. However, as they develop relationships with girls with whom they interact daily, including many who have solid character, they learn how girls think and relate. And they will begin to feel more comfortable and confident with the opposite sex.

Q: When should my husband and I stop showering with our toddler-age children and changing clothes in front of them? Can you give us some guidelines for modesty in the home?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The development of modesty in children begins early (ages 18-24 months). If you're the opposite-sex parent, it's best to stop any showering or clothes-changing together during that period in a child's life. If you're the same-gender parent, you'll most likely be changing clothes in the same room (e.g., locker rooms) throughout your child's growth.

What's most important is that you instill a healthy view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You can start when they're toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language. Interestingly, children also develop the capacity for empathy around 18-24 months. Modesty and empathy help a child learn to see people and relationships through a lens of respect and care.

Kids tend to develop a desire for their own privacy between the ages of 3 to 5 years; this is developmentally healthy and beneficial. Help them learn how to effectively manage their desire for privacy when changing their clothes.

If a child asks questions while changing clothes, help him or her learn to respect the body by using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Also, give positive and straightforward answers to the inevitable questions about where babies come from. You don't necessarily need to go into a detailed description of human physiology; for age-appropriate tips and resources, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Here's one of the great privileges of parenting: You get to teach your child about the amazing design of the body and relationships from an early age, and you're also able to support and empower them by teaching about boundaries in relationship with others.

If you'd like to discuss this subject with our counselors, feel free to call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My father-in-law took his own life about four years ago. At the time our kids were very young, so my wife and I simply told them that Grandpa died because he was sick and elderly -- without providing details. Our two oldest are 12 and 9 now, and they want to know more. What should we say?

Jim: A great deal depends upon what they already know, so start by finding out what snippets of information they've picked up on their own. Sit down with them and ask, "What have people said to you about Grandpa's death? How does that make you feel?" It's important to get a sense of their emotional reaction to this family tragedy before moving forward with the discussion.

Feel free to speak honestly about your emotions; it's OK to be open with your own pain and sorrow. Now that your kids are older, they deserve to know the truth. Do what you can to provide them with some helpful insights into who their grandfather was, the issues he was wrestling with and his reasons for feeling so hopelessly hurt and wounded.

Emphasize how sad the suicide made you feel, and that you couldn't bear it if something like that ever happened to them. Assure them that they can talk to you about anything in their lives, anytime, no matter how sad, scary or embarrassing it may seem.

You can also use this situation to stimulate constructive thought and conversation. For example, you could ask, "What are some other ways Grandpa could have dealt with his pain? What can you do if you feel that depression is becoming a serious problem in your life?"

If you'd like to talk about this at greater length, please call and speak with one of our counselors for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My husband and I are newlyweds and are thinking seriously about having children. We're wondering when to start, how many kids we should plan on having, how far apart, etc. Do you have any insights?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There's no "one size fits all" answer to prescribe for you when to have children, or how many to have. But there's one thing I can tell you: These are points on which you and your spouse need to be in agreement. Your relationship is unique, as are the concerns, perspectives, goals, beliefs and values each of you brings to it. No one else can dictate precisely how these factors ought to influence your decision to begin having children. But whatever you do, you need to be on the same page. So don't assume anything. Talk as long, as deeply and as often as you need to in order to come to a meeting of the minds.

Of course, not every couple gets to choose whether and when to have children. So, you're blessed even to be in the position of wrestling with these questions. That said, here are some principles to keep in mind.

-- Children need to be born into secure homes with loving parents. Make your marriage a priority.

-- The spacing of children depends more on the parents' emotional stability -- and sometimes economic circumstances -- than on an arbitrarily chosen number of years between births.

-- Children need your time. Are you committed to frequent business travel or generally overcommitted to your job? If so, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle before becoming a parent.

-- There's a price to postponing parenthood. As couples put off childbearing, they often discover that it's harder to conceive -- and that the chances of miscarriage increase -- as the years go by.

Children are a blessing if you can have them, and they deserve your absolute best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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