Q: I'm a grown woman with young children of my own, but my mom is still trying to control my life. She insists that we need to be "best friends" and reacts harshly if my husband and I connect with anyone else in our extended family without her being present. What can I do?

Jim: Healthy boundaries are good for all kinds of relationships, even between members of the same family -- especially relationships with controlling and manipulative personalities.

If your mom would actually be open to hearing your concerns, I'd suggest you (carefully and prayerfully) talk to her about your feelings. You might say something like, "Mom, I want very much to have a meaningful relationship with you, but only on the following terms." Then let her know that she simply doesn't have the right to hold you accountable for the time you choose to spend with other people. If she listens and agrees, you've gained your point.

If she refuses to listen -- and based on your description, she might -- you really have no choice except to back off and keep your distance. You can see her on holidays and at major family gatherings, but you'd be wise to keep your connection with her as light, cordial and superficial as possible.

You may feel as if you're losing an important relationship, but the truth is that there really isn't any relationship to lose. Honoring your parents doesn't necessarily imply that you must go along with everything they want you to do, especially when you're a full-fledged adult. There are ways to "honor" someone without giving in to unreasonable demands and sacrificing your own self-respect.

If you think it might be helpful to talk your situation over with a member of our staff, I invite you to contact Focus on the Family's Counseling Department. Call 855-771-HELP (4357) for a one-time free consultation.

Q: Is it reasonable to think of my husband's obsession with video and online games as an addiction? Every night when he comes home from work, he goes straight to the television or computer. On weekends he devotes hours on end to gaming. I'm very concerned about his behavior. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Most people consider addiction to be related to substances like drugs or alcohol. In reality, addiction can involve anything that becomes such a priority to a person that he or she is willing to neglect friends, family, faith, responsibilities and even physical health to pursue it. Clearly, electronic games can produce this kind of addictive behavior.

This may sound extreme, but it needs to be said: Your description of your husband's behavior leads me to believe that he may need formal intervention, such as that used in dealing with an alcoholic. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department (see above) can help you with referrals to qualified therapists in your area.

A local counselor will likely want to enlist some of your husband's friends or family members, and perhaps your pastor. There may be a need for a group of you to sit down with your husband and confront him about his problem. In the best-case scenario he will admit that something needs to be done. He may even express a willingness to get help with his addiction. But there's also the possibility that he will react defensively and deny that anything is wrong. If that happens, you and the counselor will need to make some tough decisions about what to do next.

Regardless of the course of action you choose, you'll need the continuing support of friends, family, church and a caring therapist. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our elementary-school-age daughter has been invited to visit a friend's house. Normally I wouldn't hesitate to say "yes" since her friend is a sweet and respectful girl. But the other girl's father seems overly eager for our daughter to come over. Do you have any advice for responding to this situation?

Jim: Two questions immediately come to mind. First, will this "visit" be an overnighter, or is it simply an afternoon play date? That could make a difference.

It also leads to the second question: What you mean about the friend's father seeming "overly eager." Has he displayed an inordinate interest in your daughter? Or is he possibly just a friendly, hospitable and demonstrative kind of guy? You'll need to nail this down before making up your mind. Meanwhile, if you feel even the slightest sense of uneasiness for any reason, I'd urge you to hold off until all your concerns have been answered. As the saying goes, "Listen to your gut."

I suggest getting to know the other girl's parents first. Perhaps you could set up a play date in some neutral place, like a park or a playground. Or go with your daughter to the friend's house the first time and spend a couple of hours chatting with her parents while the kids play. You might even invite the other girl's parents over for dinner. Say something like, "We'd love to get to know you -- our daughters really seem to connect!"

If they turn you down, you have your answer. Or you might get more comfortable as you make their acquaintance. Your anxieties will either be dispelled or confirmed. Bottom line: Your daughter is worth the investment of time and energy to find out.

If you'd like to discuss your concerns with one of our staff counselors, I invite you to call 855-771-HELP (4357) for a one-time free consultation.

Q: When should I tell my children that we're having a baby? We have two daughters, ages 2 and 4, and my husband and I are anxious to share the news with them. But we also have reasons for being cautious -- I had a miscarriage six months ago. When is the best time to tell them? And what should we say if another miscarriage occurs?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Congratulations! Normally I'd say that sharing the news about your pregnancy with your daughters should be a joyous experience. Unfortunately, as you may already know, around twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first trimester. The risk is greater if you've had multiple miscarriages in the past. So, it's probably wise to wait to tell your children until you're past the twelfth week of pregnancy.

Then share the good news that God has blessed your family with a new baby, a precious little life that is already growing inside your tummy. Some parents wait to tell until Mom is visibly "showing" (around 16-20 weeks). As your pregnancy advances, have your girls feel your stomach and listen for the baby inside as he or she starts to move. If possible, you might even take them with you to your ultrasound appointment; if not, ask for a video or photos to share with them afterward.

If you do suffer a miscarriage, be honest with your kids. At 2 and 4, they're not developmentally equipped to understand death or process a parent's intense grief, but it's OK and healthy for them to see your sadness as you emotionally process the loss. Your girls may ask repeatedly if their brother or sister will be coming and when. Be patient as they learn the complex concept of empathy. And again, our counselors would be happy to help if necessary.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How do we stop our two teenage sons from fighting over a girl? "Jake" (outgoing 16-year-old) has struck up a "friendship" with a girl who "John" (shy 17-year-old) has liked for months. This is a longtime pattern, although not over girls. "John" accuses his brother of stealing all his friends and says he hates him. "Jake" doesn't care and says he's free to befriend anyone he chooses. What can we do?

Jim: I think this is an opportunity for both of your sons to mature. "John" needs to stop blaming and take responsibility for his own friendships. And "Jake" needs to start treating his brother with greater kindness and respect.

I suggest you have a sit-down meeting with both sons at a time when tempers aren't flaring. Reaffirm your love for each of your boys. Then let them know that their self-centered attitudes must change -- and that you're going to help them with a system of firm consequences for negative behaviors.

Spell this out in a behavior contract: i.e., specified selfish attitudes will lose certain privileges for a set time period (driving, cellphone privileges, internet use, socializing, etc.). Then enforce the contract firmly. Make sure you're fair. Don't get sidetracked in debates over "who started it." If both boys are clearly in the wrong, they both experience the consequences.

As far as the dispute over the girl goes -- ultimately, she'll decide herself if she likes either of the boys. Your role is to set clear guidelines on dating and relationships and to make sure both of your sons treat the girl with respect. You can also teach them discernment skills; for example, help them establish criteria to determine whether this young woman shows enough good character to be worth pursuing in the first place.

We have plenty of tips and resources to assist parents of teens at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife just gave birth to our first child. I love our child very much, but whenever my wife asks me to help with the baby, I get frustrated, especially when I'm in the middle of something else. I know I'm being selfish. How do I overcome it?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Take heart -- it's common for new dads to experience some difficulty adjusting to a new baby. Some men feel a bit "left out" when they discover that all of their spouse's time and energy is being directed toward the child. What's more, some guys may find it hard to relate to an infant.

The good news is that you realize what you're up against. You understand that you have to find a way to put the needs of the baby above your own. Your infant is totally dependent upon you and your wife right now. As you're learning, the job of a parent involves a great deal of patience and self-sacrifice.

It's important that you express your feelings of frustration to your wife. If you've been feeling lonely or ignored since the baby arrived, say so. Naturally, most of her attention has to go toward the child for now -- that's a fact of life you have to adjust to. But it's also crucial for new parents to make sure that their "couple" relationship doesn't suffer unnecessarily. Having a regular date night, even with a newborn at home, isn't that hard -- just ask a friend or relative to watch the baby for a few hours each week. It will go a long way toward keeping your marriage healthy.

That said -- if you find yourself actually feeling true anger toward the baby, there may be some deeper issues that you need to address with a professional counselor. Contact us directly for help.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.