Q: My coworker recently suffered a miscarriage. I can tell she's really hurting, and I'd like to reach out somehow without putting my foot in my mouth. It's difficult to put myself in her place, but it's also hard to avoid saying something since I'm around her every day. How can I navigate this awkward situation?

Jim: In a case like this, naturalness and genuine humility will go a long way toward putting your friend at ease and helping her feel loved and cared for. Keep in mind that a miscarriage is the same as any other kind of death. It involves the loss of a real person.

Some suggestions:

Don't say: "I can imagine how you feel." If you haven't lost a child, you can't.

Don't say: "Let me know if there's anything I can do." This actually puts the burden on the bereaved person to think of something, and then to have to ask you for help.

Don't say: "God had a purpose for this." This makes God out to be the "bad guy" in the situation, and He isn't.

In contrast:

Do ask: "How can I pray for you right now?" Then remember to pray.

Do send a personal note or card now -- and perhaps also at the time the baby would have been born, which usually brings renewed grief.

Do offer to do one or two specific things to help the family in a practical way -- bring a meal, do laundry, yard work, etc.

Do make yourself available to listen. Most of the time, the gift of listening, your tears and a warm hug can help more than anything you could possibly say.

If you need more advice, feel free to get in touch with Focus on the Family's Counseling department at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: How can I help my school-age daughter talk about her feelings? Our family has been through a rough time recently, and I'm worried that she's bottling things up.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Children often manage confusing or difficult situations with words like "what if" and "I wonder." They also use "should" and "could" to create order when circumstances are beyond their control.

-- What if? Children sometimes try to quiet unpleasant emotions by seeking explanations using "what if" questions. "What if I was better at sports? Would my dad love me more?" "What if mom and dad hadn't gotten a divorce?" Different scenarios are invoked to make sense of emotional pain.

-- I Wonder. "I wonder" questions tell a lot about a child's insecurities. "I wonder if my parents are going to get a divorce?" or "I wonder if my dad loves me?" are good examples. More than just curiosity, these questions express hopes and wishes for the best.

-- Should. "Should" statements communicate demand and expectation -- how life ought to be. "Dads shouldn't leave their families." "My mom shouldn't drink." While these may be true, many times "should" statements leave a child frustrated when things are not the way they "should" be.

-- Could. This is the most hopeful coping word. "Could" allows ownership of the things that can be owned. It lets a child accept the fact that some things can't be controlled, but life can still be OK. For instance, "My mom and dad could have stayed married, but they didn't. I could still try to have a good relationship with both of them, or I could stay angry." "Could" allows options like offering grace and forgiveness, and the freedom to live a life of resiliency.

Help your daughter process her "what if," "I wonder" and "should" thoughts. Teach her to use "could" ideas to experience emotional freedom.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can we keep up a relationship with our son when his wife severed all contact with us several years ago? We've asked them many times to tell us how we've wronged them so we can make amends, but there has been no response.

Jim: My heart goes out to you. It does sound like this situation was triggered by some sort of offense, whether real or imagined. It could have been something you said or did. It might be a problem with your daughter-in-law. It may be nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding. The important thing is to keep your hearts open and communicate your love as best you're able.

Our counselors suggest three things you can do to preserve peace and sanity on your end and keep your conscience clear:

-- Honor the boundaries your son and his wife have set, no matter how harsh or unreasonable. If they've asked you not to call, don't call. If you violate these boundaries, you'll only end up validating their negative image of you.

-- Guard your own heart. It would be easy to fall into depression and anxiety or to beat yourself up and blame yourself for what has happened. Don't fall into that trap. Don't become bitter, and don't believe lies about your own worthiness as a person. Do whatever it takes to stay emotionally healthy and keep yourself psychologically safe in spite of the circumstances.

-- If the situation allows for it -- you know best if it does -- send your son and his wife a card with a brief message expressing your love and goodwill a couple of times a year, perhaps on birthdays and at Christmas. It's a small thing, but it will let them know that your hearts are still open toward them.

Our counseling staff would be happy to provide a one-time free consultation if you'd like; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm in my early twenties, living in my parents' home. I've had several relationships over the past few years, but my mom and dad haven't thought much of any of them. I want to honor my parents, but I also need to live my own life. How should I respond to my parents' negative feelings about the people I've been dating?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: To some extent, your present conflicts have less to do with the nature of your romantic interests than with the complexities of your living situation.

You didn't mention whether you're working full-time or attending college. In either case, you may want to begin working on a plan to become more independent and self-sufficient. A measure of financial independence can be surprisingly empowering and liberating.

Once out from under your parents' roof, you'll find it easier to sort out the family dynamics that have been frustrating your relationships with members of the opposite sex. You're wise, of course, to take your mom and dad's desires into account, and you certainly don't want to abandon the values they've worked so hard to instill in you during your growing-up years. At the same time, someone your age must learn how to think, choose and act independently. Living on your own will help you achieve the distance and perspective you need in order to do that.

When and if you find yourself involved in another romantic relationship, I'd urge you to move forward with caution and discernment. Give your parents' perspective the careful consideration it deserves. But take time to listen to the counsel of wise friends and advisers as well.

Focus on the Family offers a great resource and community for those wishing to live a purposeful single life and prepare well for marriage; see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've racked up a fair bit of credit card debt the past few months while unemployed. Now that I'm working again, I have just enough in the bank to cover what I owe. Should I use my savings to pay off my credit card?

Jim: There are a lot of variations on the common question: "Should I pay off my credit cards first or put some money in savings?" The answer is "yes." That's because wise financial management is never an "either-or" proposition. It's a question of maintaining balance.

Financial success depends upon good stewardship. And good stewardship is founded upon four foundational planning principles: Spend less than you earn, avoid debt, set long-term goals and maintain liquidity. Your question sets two of these principles -- avoid debt and maintain liquidity -- against each other. But both are essential to your financial well-being.

Eliminating credit debt is the surest and highest form of investment return you can make. Not having to pay that interest cost each month is, in effect, the same as achieving the same rate of return on any monies you invest. At the same time, liquidity -- available savings, bank accounts and other resources that can be quickly converted to cash -- is indispensable in a world where the future is uncertain. An emergency savings fund can spell the difference between bankruptcy and financial survival if an unforeseen disaster arises.

I'd suggest that you lay out a plan to put some money toward debt payments each month while still earmarking some for your savings account. Make this plan a key part of your budget. You may not be able to do everything at once, but you can certainly do a little at a time -- a few dollars here, a few dollars there. Daunting as it seems, you simply have to discipline yourself to start small and build gradually. However you arrange it, it's wise to keep a hand on both priorities simultaneously.

Q: My husband is a great dad, but he lacks confidence. How can I help him understand just how important he is in our kids' lives?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: It might help him to know that his everyday "dad skills" aren't ho-hum stuff -- to your children these are superpowers. These skills include:

-- Observation. This might not sound impressive, but it's huge. It is incredibly meaningful when dads take note of their kids' words and actions and reflect those back verbally. It means Dad is trying to see into their world.

-- Building. Fathers can build both physically and verbally. At the very least, we can all build things with toy blocks with our kids. Why not look up videos on how to build things like a homemade water slide for the backyard, or a garden? While not all dads feel confident physically building things, every dad can develop verbal building skills. Our families are fueled by our supportive words. Speak, text or write a message of love or encouragement to your kids.

-- Listening. Kids yearn to be heard. When a dad truly listens, a child feels important and loved. Listening shows that you care about the person who is talking.

-- Teaching. The three superpowers above will help unlock this one. There are so many things a dad can teach -- life skills, sports, cooking -- you name it. The key to teaching is having a strong relationship with your child.

-- Strength. Dads can express physical strength in fun ways, such as wrestling with the kids, going on bike rides or playing sports. Strength of character can help dads communicate and teach values like optimism, curiosity and hope.

Your husband may not realize it yet, but his superpowers are waiting to be unleashed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.