Q: As a single woman, how important is it that I have a will? Is this something I should be concerned about?

Jim: That all depends. Under most circumstances it's advisable for you to have a will, but the precise course of action you should follow will be determined by the specifics of your situation.

Obviously, if you're a divorced or widowed mother of dependent children, it's critical that you have a will. This determines not only how your children are provided for financially, but also who has responsibility for caring for them in your absence.

If you're single with no children, a will may still be important. For instance, if you own property of any kind, a will ensures that it will be distributed as you wish. The more assets you accumulate over the years, the greater the need for a testamentary document of some kind.

When you don't have a will prepared, you place the burden of distributing your property on someone else -- who may or may not understand your values and desires. That's why it's wise to make your plans now before it's too late. A single person without dependents can often make a significant impact through charitable giving with a wisely constructed estate plan ... but only if they have specified their wishes ahead of time.

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: The most important factor is to model a positive outlook yourself. We've all seen cartoons where what's going on in a character's mind is portrayed in "thought bubbles." That's a great visual representation of what's happening inside each of our brains.

My own thought bubbles can get filled with negative stuff, especially when I'm worried or anxious. Negative thoughts are common because our brains are poor at making predictions. Instead of making accurate forecasts including good outcomes, we often project our worries onto the future. One of our goals as parents is to manage our own thoughts and be effective models for our kids.

Here are just three ways our thinking can mislead us, especially in times of stress, insecurity and fear:

1. Catastrophizing -- We can easily become convinced the worst is going to happen. Seek accurate perspectives and fix your thoughts on the present, not some vague, fearful future that likely won't happen.

2. Discounting the positive -- Sometimes our filters screen out positive input. If someone compliments you on being a great parent, it might be easy to say, "Well, you don't see me every day." Don't deflect affirmation! Accept the positive.

3. Personalizing -- You may assume circumstances are personal to you. For instance, when a friend fails to return a text, the immediate assumption might be discouraging. "Did I do something wrong?" We can train our brains to look at other possibilities: "My friends might be busy, or they might be spending time with their family right now." Don't assume everything is about you.

Thoughts are contagious. The better you become at corralling your own, the better you'll be able to model this for your children -- and you'll see the difference in their "thought bubbles."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband battled several health problems the last two years. My entire identity became wrapped up in caring for him. Now that the struggle is over, I feel empty and lost as well as grieved. I honestly don't know where to turn or what to do next.

Jim: I'm sorry to hear of your loss. The death of any loved one is difficult, especially when the survivor has been the primary caregiver.

You can take a proactive approach to mourning -- but be gentle and patient with yourself and the process. While grief is never "fully done" there are some essential aspects of growing and becoming well again. Pace yourself and reach out for safe and helpful relationships. Caring people can help tremendously as you face the following four essentials in your journey:

Accept the reality of the loss. It's helpful to spend time with friends and loved ones openly talking about the deceased person or the circumstances surrounding the death.

Experience the pain of grief. The only way to overcome grief is to move with and through it daily as the feelings ebb and flow. Fully experiencing the pain -- most often through tears or some form of expression -- provides genuine relief.

Adjust to an environment in which your loved one is missing. Much of your routine needs to now be recalibrated. Consider getting a pet if you don't have one. Nature, music, worship and regularly scheduled calls to close friends can be practical helps.

Invest the emotional energy you have in healthy and life-giving relationships. The goal is not to forget your loved one; it's to reach the point where you can remember and honor without being halted in your own living.

Again, the important thing is to allow yourself time and space to grieve and grow. I wish you the best.

Q: I got married because I was in love with my (now) wife. I wasn't figuring on her parents and siblings becoming a major part of my life as well. What are my relational obligations to my in-laws?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Whatever the specifics of your situation, I think it's unfortunate that you feel this way. I know you are hurting. But I'm also aware that your experience is fairly common.

Like it or not, your wife's family is connected to her -- and now also you. When you married, you became part of another family with its own set of values and expectations. Loving your wife means respecting those expectations about time with her family -- within limits, of course. Expectations need to be discussed so that you can work together to discover solutions that you both feel good about.

The old saying "good fences make good neighbors" may apply. You and your wife need to agree upon and establish reasonable boundaries. Once those limits are communicated clearly, you must stand together in enforcing them.

Here are three things that "honoring" your in-laws does NOT mean:

It doesn't require that you ignore your own feelings, desires, preferences and needs in order to "do things their way."

It doesn't mean that you must permit them to disrespect, control or manipulate you for their own selfish ends.

It doesn't entail "obeying" all their "parental" requests or requirements -- which, in some instances and with some in-laws, may get pretty crazy.

Really, this isn't so much an in-law problem as a marital problem. Before the situation escalates any further, I encourage you and your wife to speak together with a qualified therapist. You can start by calling our counseling department for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). Bottom line: You both need to agree that your marriage is the priority -- and you are a team.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My financial portfolio has taken a huge hit in recent months. I'm trying to keep a good perspective; after all, "money is the root of all evil," right? But I'm still struggling with the idea that everything I have leaned on for security is in jeopardy. Do you have any advice?

Jim: First, let's correct that Biblical quote. The Apostle Paul actually said, "The love of money is a root of [much] evil." Money itself isn't bad -- but our desire for it often leads us astray. In context, that sentence comes in the middle of a discussion of contentment which begins: "godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy chapter 6).

Contentment is the ability to say, "Enough is enough," whereas the love of money almost always translates into a quest for more and more. The more you have, the more you crave, and the more you fear that someone or something may take it away from you. That's why greed and anxiety are constant companions. Together they create a state of mind that's the exact opposite of being content. Contentment has been described as "looking back without regret, looking at the present without envy and looking to the future without fear."

Contentment has everything to do with your relationships -- with God and other people -- and nothing to do with your money. In essence, it's recognizing that true security comes from connection with something bigger and longer lasting than a bank account. Once you're free from the love of money and the relentless pursuit of wealth, you can have a lot or a little and be content at the same time. That's the secret of satisfaction, sufficiency and inner peace.

If you can see your life in this light and learn to embrace your situation, whatever it may be, with satisfaction and joy, then the richest man in the world has nothing on you. That's what the apostle means when he says that godliness with contentment is great gain.

Q: Is it appropriate to ask my kids how I'm doing as a parent?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: As moms and dads, we all have strengths and weaknesses. One of the best ways to identify points of improvement is to ask our kids.

As a therapist, I've found that some moms and dads feel threatened at the idea of receiving input from anyone, let alone their kids. They feel that feedback from children brings their authority and/or competency into question. But when it can be done in a healthy way, a family check-in is well worth it.

Check-ins simply involve asking your kids how things are going and whether there is anything getting in the way of your relationship with your children.

If you ask your kids, "How am I doing as a dad/mom?" chances are you'll hear the typical answer -- "fine." Having a list of specific check-in questions to guide conversation is very helpful.

A great one to begin with is: "What's it like to be with me?" Additional questions I've taught families over the years in my private practice include:

-- What has been going well (or not) for you this past week/month? How about for us as a family?

-- What do you need from me to make things better in our home this week/month?

-- Have I been listening to and understanding you well?

Another option is to use the following list of habits of healthy, thriving families to help you develop your own check-in questions. These behaviors include:

-- Spending time together

-- Sharing laughter and playfulness

-- Eating meals together

-- Taking part in prayer and self-reflection

-- Engaging in conversation

Be creative in developing your own set of questions. And don't be afraid of constructive feedback.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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