Q: My husband battled several health problems the last two years. My entire identity became wrapped up in caring for him. Now that the struggle is over, I feel empty and lost as well as grieved. I honestly don't know where to turn or what to do next.

Jim: I'm sorry to hear of your loss. The death of any loved one is difficult, especially when the survivor has been the primary caregiver.

You can take a proactive approach to mourning -- but be gentle and patient with yourself and the process. While grief is never "fully done" there are some essential aspects of growing and becoming well again. Pace yourself and reach out for safe and helpful relationships. Caring people can help tremendously as you face the following four essentials in your journey:

Accept the reality of the loss. It's helpful to spend time with friends and loved ones openly talking about the deceased person or the circumstances surrounding the death.

Experience the pain of grief. The only way to overcome grief is to move with and through it daily as the feelings ebb and flow. Fully experiencing the pain -- most often through tears or some form of expression -- provides genuine relief.

Adjust to an environment in which your loved one is missing. Much of your routine needs to now be recalibrated. Consider getting a pet if you don't have one. Nature, music, worship and regularly scheduled calls to close friends can be practical helps.

Invest the emotional energy you have in healthy and life-giving relationships. The goal is not to forget your loved one; it's to reach the point where you can remember and honor without being halted in your own living.

Again, the important thing is to allow yourself time and space to grieve and grow. I wish you the best.

Q: I got married because I was in love with my (now) wife. I wasn't figuring on her parents and siblings becoming a major part of my life as well. What are my relational obligations to my in-laws?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Whatever the specifics of your situation, I think it's unfortunate that you feel this way. I know you are hurting. But I'm also aware that your experience is fairly common.

Like it or not, your wife's family is connected to her -- and now also you. When you married, you became part of another family with its own set of values and expectations. Loving your wife means respecting those expectations about time with her family -- within limits, of course. Expectations need to be discussed so that you can work together to discover solutions that you both feel good about.

The old saying "good fences make good neighbors" may apply. You and your wife need to agree upon and establish reasonable boundaries. Once those limits are communicated clearly, you must stand together in enforcing them.

Here are three things that "honoring" your in-laws does NOT mean:

It doesn't require that you ignore your own feelings, desires, preferences and needs in order to "do things their way."

It doesn't mean that you must permit them to disrespect, control or manipulate you for their own selfish ends.

It doesn't entail "obeying" all their "parental" requests or requirements -- which, in some instances and with some in-laws, may get pretty crazy.

Really, this isn't so much an in-law problem as a marital problem. Before the situation escalates any further, I encourage you and your wife to speak together with a qualified therapist. You can start by calling our counseling department for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). Bottom line: You both need to agree that your marriage is the priority -- and you are a team.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My financial portfolio has taken a huge hit in recent months. I'm trying to keep a good perspective; after all, "money is the root of all evil," right? But I'm still struggling with the idea that everything I have leaned on for security is in jeopardy. Do you have any advice?

Jim: First, let's correct that Biblical quote. The Apostle Paul actually said, "The love of money is a root of [much] evil." Money itself isn't bad -- but our desire for it often leads us astray. In context, that sentence comes in the middle of a discussion of contentment which begins: "godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy chapter 6).

Contentment is the ability to say, "Enough is enough," whereas the love of money almost always translates into a quest for more and more. The more you have, the more you crave, and the more you fear that someone or something may take it away from you. That's why greed and anxiety are constant companions. Together they create a state of mind that's the exact opposite of being content. Contentment has been described as "looking back without regret, looking at the present without envy and looking to the future without fear."

Contentment has everything to do with your relationships -- with God and other people -- and nothing to do with your money. In essence, it's recognizing that true security comes from connection with something bigger and longer lasting than a bank account. Once you're free from the love of money and the relentless pursuit of wealth, you can have a lot or a little and be content at the same time. That's the secret of satisfaction, sufficiency and inner peace.

If you can see your life in this light and learn to embrace your situation, whatever it may be, with satisfaction and joy, then the richest man in the world has nothing on you. That's what the apostle means when he says that godliness with contentment is great gain.

Q: Is it appropriate to ask my kids how I'm doing as a parent?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: As moms and dads, we all have strengths and weaknesses. One of the best ways to identify points of improvement is to ask our kids.

As a therapist, I've found that some moms and dads feel threatened at the idea of receiving input from anyone, let alone their kids. They feel that feedback from children brings their authority and/or competency into question. But when it can be done in a healthy way, a family check-in is well worth it.

Check-ins simply involve asking your kids how things are going and whether there is anything getting in the way of your relationship with your children.

If you ask your kids, "How am I doing as a dad/mom?" chances are you'll hear the typical answer -- "fine." Having a list of specific check-in questions to guide conversation is very helpful.

A great one to begin with is: "What's it like to be with me?" Additional questions I've taught families over the years in my private practice include:

-- What has been going well (or not) for you this past week/month? How about for us as a family?

-- What do you need from me to make things better in our home this week/month?

-- Have I been listening to and understanding you well?

Another option is to use the following list of habits of healthy, thriving families to help you develop your own check-in questions. These behaviors include:

-- Spending time together

-- Sharing laughter and playfulness

-- Eating meals together

-- Taking part in prayer and self-reflection

-- Engaging in conversation

Be creative in developing your own set of questions. And don't be afraid of constructive feedback.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've always had a tendency to worry, but it's gotten worse in recent weeks with everything that has happened in the world. I know worrying doesn't help -- what I need to know is how to stop. Help?

Jim: Let's begin by defining some terms. It will help to know exactly what we're talking about before attempting to suggest solutions or cures.

Fear is an intense emotional reaction to a legitimate, present danger.

Anxiety is an intense emotional reaction, usually of dread, to a perceived, anticipated or future danger.

Worry is a nontechnical, nonclinical term for anxiety.

Panic is a negative behavioral reaction to being overwhelmed by fear or anxiety.

Obsession is a persistent, often unwanted flooding of thoughts that is very difficult to control.

Obsession (or even panic) is best addressed with professional assistance; more on that in a moment. But if you're just a garden-variety "worrier," our staff counselors suggest several things you can do to help free yourself from the thoughts and imaginations that seem to be taking possession of your mind.

The first step is to recognize that worry is basically a habit. It's a pattern of thinking that can be summed up in the phrase, "What if?" The problem with "what if" thinking is that it shifts your focus. It pulls you into the future and away from the present. Present-tense fear says, "The house is burning! Run!" Future-oriented worry, on the other hand, says, "What if the house starts to burn tonight when we're all asleep?" It debilitates and paralyzes effective action because it gets the mind stuck on things that haven't yet happened and may never come to pass.

At the most basic level, you need to remind yourself that you can only live in the present moment. There is no alternative. Once you've convinced yourself of this fundamental truth, the challenge is to find practical ways to keep your attention focused on the situation immediately at hand.

Here's a simple technique that you may find helpful. Write the following four questions on an index card:

What are five colors I see right now?

What are five sounds I hear right now?

What are five things I physically feel right now (not emotions, but sensations like "the wind in my hair")?

What do I need to be doing -- or thinking about -- right now?

Place the card on your nightstand or dresser. When you wake up, go over the four questions to get your brain going in a new direction. After naming those five colors, sounds and sensations, ask yourself what you need to do the moment your feet hit the floor. Go to the bathroom? Put on your robe? Make the coffee? Once you have the answer, go and do that one thing. Don't try to handle the rest of the day right now. Don't get sucked into "what if" thinking. Just make the coffee.

Take your index card with you wherever you go. Review the four questions three to five times a day. Read them again when you get ready for bed at night. Enjoy going to bed instead of fretting about tomorrow. Practice keeping yourself in the moment.

It won't come easy in the beginning, but hang in there. With patience and a little help from the people who care about you, you can change.

If you think it might be helpful to discuss these suggestions at greater length, our staff counselors would consider it a privilege to speak with you over the phone. They can also provide you with a list of referrals to trained therapists practicing in your area. You can contact our counseling department at 855-771-HELP (4357) for a free consultation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.