Q: I've always had a tendency to worry, but it's gotten worse in recent weeks with everything that has happened in the world. I know worrying doesn't help -- what I need to know is how to stop. Help?

Jim: Let's begin by defining some terms. It will help to know exactly what we're talking about before attempting to suggest solutions or cures.

Fear is an intense emotional reaction to a legitimate, present danger.

Anxiety is an intense emotional reaction, usually of dread, to a perceived, anticipated or future danger.

Worry is a nontechnical, nonclinical term for anxiety.

Panic is a negative behavioral reaction to being overwhelmed by fear or anxiety.

Obsession is a persistent, often unwanted flooding of thoughts that is very difficult to control.

Obsession (or even panic) is best addressed with professional assistance; more on that in a moment. But if you're just a garden-variety "worrier," our staff counselors suggest several things you can do to help free yourself from the thoughts and imaginations that seem to be taking possession of your mind.

The first step is to recognize that worry is basically a habit. It's a pattern of thinking that can be summed up in the phrase, "What if?" The problem with "what if" thinking is that it shifts your focus. It pulls you into the future and away from the present. Present-tense fear says, "The house is burning! Run!" Future-oriented worry, on the other hand, says, "What if the house starts to burn tonight when we're all asleep?" It debilitates and paralyzes effective action because it gets the mind stuck on things that haven't yet happened and may never come to pass.

At the most basic level, you need to remind yourself that you can only live in the present moment. There is no alternative. Once you've convinced yourself of this fundamental truth, the challenge is to find practical ways to keep your attention focused on the situation immediately at hand.

Here's a simple technique that you may find helpful. Write the following four questions on an index card:

What are five colors I see right now?

What are five sounds I hear right now?

What are five things I physically feel right now (not emotions, but sensations like "the wind in my hair")?

What do I need to be doing -- or thinking about -- right now?

Place the card on your nightstand or dresser. When you wake up, go over the four questions to get your brain going in a new direction. After naming those five colors, sounds and sensations, ask yourself what you need to do the moment your feet hit the floor. Go to the bathroom? Put on your robe? Make the coffee? Once you have the answer, go and do that one thing. Don't try to handle the rest of the day right now. Don't get sucked into "what if" thinking. Just make the coffee.

Take your index card with you wherever you go. Review the four questions three to five times a day. Read them again when you get ready for bed at night. Enjoy going to bed instead of fretting about tomorrow. Practice keeping yourself in the moment.

It won't come easy in the beginning, but hang in there. With patience and a little help from the people who care about you, you can change.

If you think it might be helpful to discuss these suggestions at greater length, our staff counselors would consider it a privilege to speak with you over the phone. They can also provide you with a list of referrals to trained therapists practicing in your area. You can contact our counseling department at 855-771-HELP (4357) for a free consultation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: It's apparent that some people seem to be handling the recent societal upheaval better than others. Whatever it is they have, I want it. Do you have any thoughts?

Jim: Let me start with a hometown illustration. If you visit Colorado Springs and ask for directions, there's a good chance you'll hear something like this: "Head toward the mountains and take a right." Our city's entire western border is the Rocky Mountains. Not only are the peaks beautiful, they're how we locals find our way around here. You can always get to where you want to go by figuring out where you are in relation to the mountains.

You probably do something similar where you live. You judge your location according to a landmark -- usually something like a water tower or a tall building.

Here's the point: An unchanging, fixed point of reference can help you do a lot more than find your way around town. It can help you find your way through life, too.

Even under "normal" circumstances, everything about the world around us is constantly changing: from fashion to technology to opinions about what's right and wrong. And of course, recent events have knocked the props out from under the things that many people have turned to for security and meaning.

That's a lot of upheaval and confusion. So, my advice is to head toward the mountains and take a right. In other words, steady yourself in a world of confusion by anchoring yourself in values that are eternal and unchanging.

As a Christian, I find that fixed reference point in my close relationship with the One who created me and stands above anything I will ever encounter in this life. You can find that, too. We have resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I have really struggled emotionally the past couple of months as our lives have been disrupted. I know I've been taking it all out on my husband. How can I change this pattern?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Think about the preflight safety instructions the attendant gives on an airliner: If the oxygen masks deploy, put yours on first before helping others. In other words, appropriate self-care positions you to care for others.

Now, with that background: Our emotions are like water in a glass. Normally, you wouldn't fill a glass to the brim. You'd leave a bit of room for the water to slosh around. If you get bumped, some water might spill out ... but that's OK. It's not a big problem. Now, imagine the glass filled to overflowing. You have a problem. The water is spilling everywhere and making a mess. If you tried pouring more water in the glass, you'd only make an even bigger mess.

Our emotions -- like the water in the glass -- spill over when life overwhelms us. Emotional self-care is learning when to turn off the water before the glass overflows.

Think about all the challenges you've faced during the past few weeks. Is your glass full? Is it overflowing with stress and negative emotions? Sometimes those emotions spill over into your marriage and affect your relationship with your spouse. That's why emotional self-care is important.

Self-care is about two things: doing what brings you rest and doing what brings you life. For example, putting puzzles together, reading or having a deep conversation might give you rest -- while something as simple as taking a walk can bring you life. Self-care can also include day-to-day activities such as:

-- Recognizing negative thoughts and challenging them with truth

-- Breathing deeply to relax

-- Praying and meditating on Scripture

-- Exercising

If your emotional "glass" is full-to-overflowing, appropriate self-care can help you drain a little off the top.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'd say my marriage is healthy overall. Still, being closed up together in recent weeks has shown we have some work to do. My husband and I both want to grow from this time and improve our relationship moving forward. Do you have any practical advice?

Jim: Here's an illustration. Any fruit farmer will tell you that if you want a larger crop with better tasting fruit, you have to prune some branches. It seems counterintuitive, but it's true. Here's why. As we all know, a tree needs water and nutrients to grow. But it needs an abundance of water and nutrients to produce quality fruit. A tree with too many branches will use all its energy for survival. The fruit, if it grows at all, will suffer.

Marriages can have the same problem. People say yes to too many things. Before long, a couple has branches of activity stretching every which way. But the relationship is deprived of the time and attention it needs. The marriage may look healthy on the surface, but it really won't grow the way it should.

While none of us wanted a societal shutdown, now is a great time to give your relationship some extra care. Use the unexpected space and time to talk about the issues you're noticing. In short, do some trimming.

And as you recalibrate going forward -- if you recognize that you've been overstretched, prune back some branches of activity. Maybe skip that weekly TV show and reserve the time for conversation. Say no to an evening with friends in favor of a date night. Build some breathing room into your schedule, and your marriage will do more than just exist, it'll thrive.

For more ideas to help your marriage come alive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Being stuck in the house for weeks, everybody in our family has spent more time than normal using tech devices. I want to reclaim our media limits; any advice?

Adam Holz (Director) and Paul Asay (Senior Associate Editor), Plugged In: We all know that setting boundaries on screen-time use is hugely important for the sake of our kids' mental, emotional and spiritual health -- even (and especially) in this unprecedented season of disruption. But admittedly, that's been difficult of late.

And now it's hard to eliminate anything we like without a concrete plan for replacing it with something that offers a different kind of satisfaction. For parents, resetting our kids' screen-time limits demands something more than just a parental edict that they're not going to do "X" anymore. When we remove something from our children's lives that they enjoy and are used to doing, it's going to create a vacuum that we have a responsibility to help them fill. That requires planning and intentionality.

Whether it's games, making music, puzzles, drawings, various crafts, cooking new recipes, drawing contests, etc., your family's replacement strategies may look very different than someone else's. But the point is, we're not just dropping screen-time regulations on our kids and expecting them to naturally know what to do with the empty space we've just created. Instead, we're actively and intentionally engaged as parents, brainstorming and modeling non-screen-related activities. And the more offline fun you have, the better memories you'll create.

In truth, as scary as the coronavirus shutdown has been for many of us, it can also be an opportunity to create new, special moments with our children -- moments forged over a book or board game or saucepan, moments they'll treasure forever. Because in the end, those familial, face-to-face experiences we have with our kids are way more memorable than a binge-worthy show.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.