Q: Many of our friends find amusement in things that I personally consider offensive -- movies, TV shows, jokes, etc. We want to enjoy the lighter side of life and encourage laughter in our home but do it in an appropriate and uplifting way. Do you have any helpful guidelines for healthy humor?

Jim: It's important to remember that humor isn't a science. As you probably know, the best way to kill a joke is to explain it. That's because humor is intuitive and spontaneous. You can't really teach people to be funny in an appropriate way. You also can't train them to laugh on cue. But you can prepare the ground, plant the seeds and provide opportunities. It is possible to create the kind of context for healthy humor to spring up of its own accord.

The first step is to realize that humor is really just another form of communication. It's part of our communication skill set; in fact, it's fair to say that humor and communication are just two sides of the same coin. And of course, communication is fundamental to the health and well-being of any genuinely thriving family. Just like laughter facilitates talk, intentional conversation can open windows into the hearts and minds of the people we live with. It can help us understand what really tickles their funny bone. That's a big part of learning to love one another.

Furthermore, every person has his or her own style of humor; experts have identified as many as fifty of them. These distinctive humor styles have to be developed within the context of family interaction. Each member of the household should be allowed and encouraged to be funny in his or her own way.

As I said, genuine humor can't be contrived. It thrives on contrast and surprise. That's why it's at its best when it arises indirectly out of unexpected (and maybe even unsettling) situations. So, one way of promoting healthy humor is simply encouraging your family to try new things.

For example, you might invent some family activities that are designed to shake things up and throw people off balance. Just make sure that this happens in safe, healthy and creative ways. And, incidentally, set all the electronic devices aside, especially phones.

Playing games is probably the most obvious option. Charades, Guesstures -- games that involve imitating different kinds of animals, musical chairs, movement-oriented games -- these are all opportunities for both children and adults to have a good time laughing together. Depending on the age of the kids, it might also be fun to do something completely unplanned and totally out of character. You could stage an impromptu opera in the living room or take everyone to the movies in their pajamas. If you have the courage to try it, I'll predict that all kinds of funny things will happen along the way.

Another idea would involve organizing a family humor night. Assign each of the kids to bring something funny to the table. It could be anything: a joke, a picture, a story from a book or an anecdote about something that happened at school. After sharing some laughs together, give each family member a chance to talk about his or her contribution. Ask them how they chose their material. Find out why they think it's so hilarious. This will give everyone, Mom and Dad included, a chance to get inside each other's heads. It's also a good way for everyone to become better acquainted with different styles of humor.

Finally, here's a general rule of thumb: if you're laughing WITH someone, it's more apt to be healthy humor. If you're laughing AT someone, you may want to rethink things.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My approach to parenting has basically been to let my kids try an activity, and if they don't like it, we just go on to something else. Some of my friends have told me they don't agree. What's your take?

Jim: Children hate disappointment, and they'll do almost anything to avoid it. But I think that's something for parents to watch for, because your children are practicing right now how they'll react to things they don't like -- for the rest of their lives.

Do you know any adults who have trouble sticking with jobs and relationships? You can probably trace a lot of that behavior back to their childhood. They were allowed too many times to quit when things got tough.

When my boys were younger, we'd play checkers or Monopoly, and as soon as the game wasn't going their way, they'd start to complain. Maybe your children want to quit a sport before they've given it a fair shot. Or perhaps you can relate to a friend of mine who was a couple of miles into a hike when his children broke into tears about having to walk all the way back to camp.

Keep your eye out for those moments. They're an opportunity for your children to understand how to face disappointment or to struggle through something they don't like. Don't rescue your kids from everything. Some of those experiences can teach them how to hang in there.

Here's the point: Perseverance on a soccer field or in activities at home is how your children will develop the perseverance to run a business, get an education or build a strong marriage. They'll need the ability to stay committed when what they want takes a lot of hard work. Those are crucial lessons early because the stakes become much higher later. We all need to learn to persevere.

Q: My husband and I seem to be caught in a rut in our marriage. We both know we need to make some changes, but we keep falling into the same patterns of action, reaction, re-reaction, etc. I'm basically waiting for him to take the lead, but... anyway, do you have any suggestions?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: What're you're describing is something that I think happens in most marriages. It usually involves predictable back-and-forth cycles that can wear us down over time. Typically, we want our mate to make some kind of adjustment. But the only person you can change is yourself -- and that's where to start.

I like to explain the concept using the game of pingpong. Picture you and your spouse hitting the ball to each other -- but exactly the same way, game after game. Neither one of you would have to change your approach because every shot would be identical. It's always the same pattern and result. And let's face it, before long that gets pretty boring -- and perhaps frustrating.

But now imagine placing just the slightest spin on the ball or directing it to the left corner instead of the right. That subtle difference requires your spouse to make some sort of change to return the ball, which alters how you play it back. Which changes their play, etc. Before long, you're both more engaged in the game, enjoying it more, and playing it in an entirely new way.

The point is this: Marriage is never static. It's a living system of action and reaction. Changing how you interact within your relationship, even slightly, can automatically influence your spouse to make a few positive changes as well.

For insights and encouragement to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I am SO sick of all the negative news in the world. Day in, day out -- it never ends. I'm trying to find ways to shift my thinking to positive things. Can you offer any suggestions?

Jim: It'll probably come as no surprise that exposure to bad news can have a cumulative negative effect on people. Studies show that stories featuring violence or tragedy elevate a person's stress, anxiety and sadness. Add to that the sheer amount of information we're exposed to through newspapers and TV, the internet and social media, and we're virtually drowning in negativity.

So, what's the remedy? Well, we don't have to stick our heads in the sand and ignore what's going on in the world. But since we can't stop the bad news, maybe we can be good news right where we live.

I'd suggest trying to be a bright light in the middle of the darkness around you. In other words, volunteer a few minutes of your time to bring good news to people right there in your own neighborhood. Look for a way you can help someone else, and then just step up to do it.

It'll be an encouragement for you and others. Investing in your community will offer you a sense of purpose and well-being that comes from helping others. But it'll also make your neighborhood a more positive place to live. The opportunities to lend a hand are all around you -- from coaching Little League to shoveling an older neighbor's driveway after a snowstorm. Home-baked cookies are always a win. Something as simple as a smile and a wave can lift someone else's spirits... and maybe even start to build a bridge. You just have to look for ways to be "good news" to others right in your neighborhood.

Q: How can I avoid arguing with my child over homework? He absolutely hates doing his assignments!

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: When kids get emotional about their homework, it can be frustrating for parents, too. For peace to prevail, two things are important. First, parents need to understand what kids are really saying about their homework. Statements like "I hate spelling" really translate into "I feel dumb," or "I'm not like the other kids." When you grasp the reality of their insecurity and frustration, their emotional reactions make more sense.

Second, you must get a handle on how your child's homework frustration impacts you. Emotions are triggered fast in these situations, and misunderstandings can quickly spiral into disconnection between parents and children.

You get to set the tone and model self-control to help your children find their footing. Kids who lash out about homework have let their emotions overcome their thinking. It's up to you to help them feel more grounded.

Difficulty with homework challenges a child's self-confidence. When that happens, approach your son with compassion rather than defensiveness.

Here are some ways to help ease the stress of homework:

Encourage mental breaks. If your child is stuck, have them take a 5-minute timeout from their work.

Emphasize small, attainable goals. Help your son focus on incremental milestones rather than obsessing about the finish line.

Create a comfortable environment. For some kids, that might involve background music or a heater in the winter. Ask your child to help you come up with ideas to make study space ideal for concentrating.

Be available and patient. Just because your child may be "emotionally off" doesn't mean you need to be.

Celebrate at the end of the week -- maybe with ice cream, a hike, a movie or a special game -- when your child has owned homework time well.

For more parenting tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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