Q: I have been through some very difficult experiences in life. For the most part, I've been able to set them aside and move on, but sometimes I still struggle with my emotions. Do you have any advice for getting past the hurt?

Jim: Life can be tough, and it inflicts wounds in us all. The question is: What do we do with the pain?

On a summer vacation several years ago, my wife, Jean, and I relaxed by the pool while our boys splashed around in the water. At one point, I watched my son Trent wrestle with a beach ball. Again and again, he'd muscle the ball under the water, then struggle to keep it there. Eventually, he'd exhaust his strength, and the ball would pop back up to the surface. As I sat there and watched, I realized that my son's game was a striking metaphor for life.

Throughout our lives, we can suffer any number of deep emotional wounds. In many cases, the only solution we know is to push the pain beneath the surface of our hearts and minds. We think that if we can just block out our negative memories, the bad feelings will go away. And they do -- temporarily. But eventually a crisis occurs, and the stress brings our pain right back up to the surface.

The truth is our wounds need to be healed, not ignored. Embracing our pain is an important first step. As we receive healing support from professionals and those who care about us, the air is slowly released from the beach ball. Over time, we no longer need to rely on willpower to keep bad thoughts pushed beneath the surface. They'll heal and sink from memory all on their own.

Focus on the Family's licensed counselors would be happy to help you get started on the path to healing. You can call 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays, 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (MT).

Q: How do we handle our kids' obsession with their phones? It seems like they're always on their devices, and it's hard to have a conversation with them.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Texting is the primary means of communication for today's preteens and teens. Many kids have multiple text conversations going on all day, impacting already scattered attention spans. There's a new term for the interference that technology can cause in family relationships -- "technoference."

One study found that tweens spent an average of more than four-and-a-half hours with screen media each day; for teens, the average was more than six-and-a-half hours a day. Unfortunately, parents sometimes spend more time with screens than their kids do.

To reduce technoference, we parents need to set boundaries and guidelines for technology use. That means investing time and energy into modeling, teaching and consistently guiding our kids with sensitivity and understanding -- not just controlling them. This requires candid conversations about your concerns and exploring the reasons why your kids are so enamored with their phones (escapism, social connection, etc.).

One great way to establish boundaries is to create a contract that spells out expectations for how technology will be used -- and what happens when it's mismanaged. Start that contract by establishing that technology is a privilege, not a right.

Of course, since we're models for our children, they need to see that we're willing to limit ourselves as well. Establish an example by consistently setting your own phone aside during dinner and family time.

A parent's main goal should be teaching children to manage life and make healthy decisions. When your kids make mistakes, help them work through the consequences. Then take time to celebrate as a family when you conquer technoference issues in your home.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I always struggle this time of year with the whole Thanksgiving thing. I know I should be more grateful than I am. How can I get a better handle on this?

Jim: We could all use a little more gratitude. The good news is that more is available to all of us. We just have to choose to be grateful.

That's what Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott said after reviewing a mountain of research about gratitude spanning 15 years. They concluded that happiness has a lot more to do with our choices than with our circumstances. We can control the shape of our own happiness by choosing gratitude.

That will come as a surprise to a lot of people, but research backs it up. According to the data, about 50 percent of our happiness is biological. That is, we each have a baseline of happiness that's natural to us. We'll swing a little this way or that, but we usually come back to our set point. Roughly 10 percent of happiness is due to our circumstances.

That means 40 percent -- nearly half of our happiness -- is determined by where we focus our attention ... on the positive or on the negative. The Wall Street Journal has even pointed to studies that show adults who choose to feel grateful have more energy, more optimism and more social connections than those who don't -- all of which are contributors to happiness. They're also less likely to be depressed, envious or greedy. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and are sick less often.

Gratitude is key to a happy life. And it's there for the taking. You have to choose to see it -- and it starts with focusing on (and appreciating) what you do have instead of lamenting what you don't.

Q: I've been married for about five months. This is our first holiday season together, and I'm shocked at how stressed my wife is getting about Thanksgiving dinner. My family never made a big deal of it. What am I supposed to do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A big part of marriage is learning to adapt and compromise. One of the first areas where many couples need to apply this in practice is when the holidays roll around.

You already identified that the differences in how you and your wife were raised make a tangible impact on how you each see this issue. It sounds like she might come from a family that puts elaborate effort and preparation in to what could be the main social gathering of the year. Maybe it's the one time when all the relatives get together -- which could be good or bad, depending on the dynamics. However it plays out, clearly she's grown up with some pretty steep expectations for the season. Meanwhile, you may have come from a home where some turkey, football and a nap made for a satisfying holiday for all concerned.

The important thing to do is talk about it. Listen carefully to your wife and determine why she feels the pressure. Then dialogue about the extent to which those expectations might be realistic for the two of you. If she finds real fulfillment in preparing and hosting a classic Thanksgiving meal, invite some friends over and make a day of it. But if she's reluctantly trying to match Grandma's epic culinary extravaganzas, reassure her that your love for her doesn't depend on the size of the feast.

Over time, you can reach a happy balance. Sometimes leftovers will suffice. Other times you'll want to step up the celebration. Pro tip: You should definitely help in the kitchen -- or at least with cleanup afterward.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I've always wanted to be a positive influence on people. I used to have time to volunteer, but since my wife got sick last year, I just don't have the margin. How can I still make an impact when most of my energy goes to caring for her?

Jim: Let me emphasize that I think you are making an impact on others -- perhaps greater than you know.

After I broke my ankle in a motorcycle accident, I was in either my bed or my recliner for weeks. My wife had to help me with everything from glasses of water to navigating the stairs. Watching her, I discovered that even simple requests can become a burden when you feel like you're needed all day, every day. And I was only off my feet for 13 weeks.

That's why my heart goes out to those who take care of a spouse who's ill. Your love and commitment should inspire the rest of us. Every day you're honoring your vows that say "the two shall become one." You're taking on their struggles as your own.

You're also teaching us how to respond with love and grace when life doesn't go our way. No couple knows ahead of time what "in sickness and in health" will mean until one of you actually gets sick. You won't know what "for better or for worse" means until your spouse does something unlovable, and you choose to stay committed to your marriage anyway.

Sooner or later, we're all forced to answer the question, "What is my marriage really about?" The couples that last are the ones that say, "Marriage is about commitment when it counts and love put into action." So, thank you -- by caring for an ill spouse, you're reminding the rest of us what honoring marriage really looks like. That's a positive influence.

Q: Yesterday I overheard one of my son's friends say, "Text me on my burner phone." When I asked them what a burner phone is, they quickly changed the subject. Can you tell me what they're talking about?

Adam Holz, Plugged In: You may not know it, but if you've seen a spy movie recently, you already know what a burner phone is.

A burner phone is a cheap, low-tech mobile device with an anonymous phone number -- one that can't be tracked back to its user. Its cloak-and-dagger-sounding moniker comes from the fact that a burner phone can be casually disposed of -- "burned" -- if it's at risk of unwanted discovery. In other words, it's a disposable phone. Unlike smartphones with their big screens, sensitive personal information and expensive data plans, burner phones harken back to earlier days of more "primitive" cell phones, when mobile technology primarily focused on calling and texting others.

Today, these so-called "feature phones" (never mind that they're devoid of most features we now expect!) can be had for next to nothing. Buy a prepaid usage card for minutes and/or texts, and you're good to go. (Or, alternately, an old, discarded smartphone without a data plan can be used similarly anywhere there's a Wi-Fi connection.)

It's not hard to see why spies, drug dealers or other ne'er-do-wells might want a stash of such throwaway gizmos. On the home front, though, it's equally easy to see how a burner phone could be exploited by teens who want a secret mobile connection -- even if it's just for texting. Wondering why Jimmy or Jenny didn't pitch a nuclear-meltdown fit when you confiscated his or her smartphone? A secret burner phone may be the reason.

Kids today are often on the forefront of technological trends like this one. To stay up to date yourself, see PluggedIn.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.