Q: Part of what drew my wife and me together is that we experienced similar wounds in our respective pasts. We thought that would help us relate, but now we're actually struggling. Do you have any advice?

Jim: Thanks in part to Hollywood, generations of people have been taught that marriage is best when two individuals who are broken and lost on their own meet that special someone who completes them. It's an idea that works well in the movies. But in real life, relationships like that are doomed to years of struggle unless there's some form of intervention.

Here's why: Genuine intimacy within a marriage can only occur between two people who are healthy and whole as individuals. People who feel incomplete inside usually rely on others to fill them up. But emotionally, that's like a bucket with a hole in the bottom -- no relationship is ever enough to fill it.

This leads to a second problem. Healthy people feel emotionally content inside, so they're able to freely give of themselves to their spouse. However, someone who is wounded rarely has anything to give because their energy is devoted to seeking after what they "need" from their spouse.

In math, two halves make a whole. But marriage isn't a math problem; it's a relationship. Two broken people cannot combine their wounds to create a successful relationship. A strong marriage consists of two healthy individuals, each of whom is content inside and able to give to their spouse in love and sacrifice.

The answer, then, is that both of you need to do the hard work -- professional therapy, spiritual growth, etc. -- to sort through your own "stuff." The good news is that encouraging each other through that process will help strengthen your relationship. Our staff counselors would be happy to help you get started; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm concerned that my three children (ages 5, 7 and 10) are heavier than most of their classmates. My husband and I also carry some extra pounds; in fact, several members of both our extended families tend toward "plus sizes." But I'm worried about my kids' health -- what can we do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: It's possible that genetics may play a role in the "plus sizes" within your family -- along with certain habits that may need attention. There are two key areas where parents can take an active role in improving their children's health: nutrition and exercise.

Let's take nutrition first. This isn't about reaching a certain ideal size, but of overall health. Various internal factors can impact poor diet, including fatigue, stress, depression, anxiety and lack of self-control. Help your kids learn what leads them toward bad (or good) eating habits.

Meanwhile, one suggestion is to avoid fast food as much as possible. By offering simple meals at home, parents can help children learn about healthy eating. There's plenty of helpful information available online (and you can never go wrong with extra vegetables). Also, consider healthy alternatives to carb- loaded sugary snacks. Don't worry -- when healthy foods become common at mealtime, children will not only eat them, they'll eventually prefer them.

Exercise is the second area of benefit to a child's overall health. It's important to limit our kids' time with computers, TVs, mobile devices and just sitting around. Instead, get them outside: running, jumping and playing. Maybe there's a sport they would enjoy trying. Take walks and bike rides as a family. At the very least, create a safe place where your child can be physically active.

As in so many areas, children learn the value of healthy diet and exercise by watching your example. So parents need to be "all in," too -- it's well worthwhile.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I really struggle with my inadequacies as a mother. I try my best, but I never quite measure up to all the other moms who do everything right. I'm so afraid that my kids will be damaged in some way. Help!

Jim: I've got some good news for you: There's no such thing as a perfect family.

That may not sound very encouraging, but I promise you that it is. Effective parenting can be tough on a good day. It's nearly impossible if you think you have to do it perfectly.

And that's an easy trap to fall into. You might not even recognize all of the subtle ways you see imperfection in your home. Like the day you see the family across the street, and you think to yourself, "They sure look like they have it all together." Or another day when you think you're failing as a parent because the people you follow on social media all make parenting and marriage seem so easy. When everybody around you looks flawless, your own home life is much more likely to feel chaotic and fragmented.

The truth is, we're all flawed. No parent acts lovable all of the time. And every child misbehaves. The goal isn't for our families to be perfect -- it's for them to be as healthy and as happy as possible.

So when you make a mistake, just remember it's an opportunity to learn something. And when you're open to learning, you'll move one step closer every day to becoming the parent you hope to be.

So let me encourage you with this: On days when your family doesn't seem to be going the way you'd hoped, don't think "perfection" -- think "connection." Your children don't need you to be perfect. They just need you to be present.

Q: I married my soldier husband a year ago, and now he's scheduled to deploy overseas for at least six months. How can we maintain a healthy marriage while we're apart?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: First of all, thanks to both of you for your service. Military deployment can be tough on couples, but if you're proactive (and it sounds like you are), you can thrive through it.

Remember that husbands and wives tend to handle stress differently. While there are exceptions, men often detach emotionally as a coping mechanism. Women are usually the opposite; their need for emotional connection increases as the time for separation draws closer. These differences can lead to conflict -- or be a source of intimacy if couples will openly communicate about what they're feeling. So talk with each other.

Also, it's easy to worry about the months ahead and lose touch with your spouse right here and now. The more good memories you create together before you're separated, the less stressful your time apart will be.

During the deployment, it's critical to surround yourself with a supportive community -- through church, moms' groups, other military families, etc. Establish connection with others for mutual encouragement and practical help.

Naturally, communicate with your spouse as often as you can. Technology makes it easier than ever to stay in touch, so take advantage of it. But be careful. Never end a conversation in anger. And don't try to resolve big problems that can wait. A frustrating situation will be twice as hard to manage when one of you is away. So try to stay positive. Keep your spouse updated on life at home, send care packages and keep family photos coming.

Finally, take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. Your spouse will be relieved to know you're doing well. We have plenty of tips and resources for military families at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My job requires me to be creative, but some days I'm just too tired or uninspired. And then I get stressed, which only makes it worse. Do you have any tips for generating good ideas under pressure?

Jim: We've all had moments in life where we need to get the creative juices flowing. Each of us is different, and what works for one person might not for another. But there are a couple of suggestions that can be very helpful for most of us.

Experts say the first step is to recognize that ideas are sometimes "captured." In other words, our minds are constantly processing thoughts. That means it's often simply a matter of paying attention to what we're thinking and recognizing an idea when it comes along. Other times we may see or hear something, or have an encounter with someone who triggers that elusive spark of creative energy we need.

The second step is to turn over the engine and get your motor running. According to research out of Johns Hopkins, the best way is exercise. That's because physical activity increases oxygen delivery to the brain and jump-starts the creation of new brain cells.

So if you're looking for some mental inspiration, lace up those shoes and head out for a walk, a bike ride or go for a run. Speed isn't important -- it's the motion that matters. Regardless of how old or young you are, activity is key. Get the blood circulating, and shake those cobwebs free.

The key to all of this is to mentally pull out the wide-angle lens and look around. Take your focus off of the detailed problem for a few minutes -- but not too long (resist getting caught up in distractions). You may well find that when you zoom in again, the ideas you need will come bubbling to the surface.

Q: My four-year-old is constantly tugging on my sleeves for attention. I love her dearly, but I'm getting weary of this happening all the time. What should I do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert with more than 40 years of research experience, refers to these small efforts to get relational attention as "bids for connection." They can be good, but sometimes bids seem to come at inconvenient times and can wear at our patience.

Bids for connection aren't always easy to catch, even if you're looking for them. Here are a few examples:

A boy tugging at his mom while she's on the phone.

A little girl grabbing her father's hand.

A child wanting to help, even though it creates more work.

It's essential to notice these bids and to have an appropriate response. You can teach your child how to bid for your attention successfully and with good timing. It's OK to tell her "not right now" and let her know when would be a better time. Be gentle in teaching her how to accept this, though; yelling or shaming are not good responses.

Likewise, understand that if the answer is always "no" because you're involved in other things, the bids may decrease and even disappear altogether. You still want to maintain the relationship, so take time to bid for your child's attention in ways she loves to connect. This will help her feel valued and noticed.

There are likely countless things clamoring for your attention, including work, responsibilities, bills, social media and entertainment. Try to set these aside, when possible and appropriate, to connect with your child. Talk as a family about how to notice bids for connection, and respond to each other's bids in meaningful, respectful and effective ways.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.