Q: It seems like every time I try to make some improvement in my life, like learning a new skill or developing a good habit, I fall short of my goals. I might make some progress, but never as much as I want. It's very discouraging. What's your advice?

Jim: One of the greatest barriers to success is an "all or nothing" attitude. That's when you convince yourself that minor setbacks justify scrapping the whole endeavor. It's like when you slip up on your diet and eat a pint of ice cream. That one mistake causes some people to abandon their diet for the rest of the week ... or the rest of the month ... or even permanently.

Abandoned goals litter the road of life. Staying the course is especially difficult when the changes you're making are big ones. It's not easy to start an exercise program or to give an important relationship a whole new level of time and attention. Change doesn't happen overnight. In fact, research says that it takes an average of 66 days to form new habits. That means you have to remain persistent and expect a few setbacks along the way.

The good news is that setbacks don't have to turn into complete derailment. Success may require a lot of things from you, but perfection isn't one of them. We all fall short sooner or later. And those missteps can have a good outcome if you stay hungry, productive and are willing to learn and grow. The path to the finish line doesn't always go around failure -- it usually goes right through the heart of it.

Writer and philosopher G.K. Chesterton once wrote: "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." So give yourself a little room to fail. Cut yourself some slack and keep on trying.

Q: As a media analyst, what's your biggest concern about today's culture? And what, if anything, gives you hope?

Adam Holz, Plugged In: That's a great question. I think my biggest concern involves the way technology has increasingly insinuated itself into every nook, cranny and crevice of our lives. That's largely due to the portable nature of smartphones. They've made constant connection with content of all kinds a way of life for many people. And though we often see articles about children's screen-time concerns, research also shows that many parents have similar habits or perhaps even addictions when it comes to our screens.

All that time connected to screen-based media comes freighted with potential problems. Obviously, there's the question of content -- of what we're looking at and listening to. For teens, the content issue is huge, especially if parents haven't utilized appropriate internet filters and focused on building a relationship where they can talk to their teens about their online habits. But beyond that, screen time is also conditioning our brains and neural connections to pick up these devices compulsively, potentially to the detriment of our important relationships and health. And though social media theoretically helps us connect with others, for many teens and adults alike, it's increasingly being correlated with anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns.

On the brighter side, however, more and more experts are sounding the alarm about the potential pitfalls of too much exposure to screen-based content of all kinds. Just as culture slowly awakened to the health hazards of smoking a generation ago, researchers are increasingly warning about the need to rein in our culture's love affair with mobile connectivity. Unplugging from some of these habits won't be easy, but a growing chorus of voices are encouraging and equipping us to do exactly that.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I want to prepare my 11-year-old to resist the peer pressure I know she'll experience in her teen years. How can I help her develop the confidence to do that?

Jim: You're wise to be setting the foundation early. Far too many teenagers seem incapable of resisting their friends when it counts. The good news is your kids can learn to say "no." Just keep in mind that you have to let them start with you. Don't panic -- I'll clarify that in a moment.

The word "no" is an important boundary, and saying it is a crucial life skill. It's a way to separate ourselves from other people. Without it, we can't have our own opinions or beliefs, and our individuality gets swept away by others more willing to speak their minds. What's more, it's self-perpetuating -- when we aren't able to draw healthy boundaries, we can end up being pulled deeper and deeper into more and more situations that compromise our convictions.

Sadly, the reluctance to express an opinion often begins at home. When a child tells a parent "no" or disagrees over some matter, it's considered "backtalk." And how does the parent usually react? They stamp out the child's behavior with a stern warning that it had better never happen again. Is it any wonder, then, that kids dread taking a stand against the outside world when their opinion is so readily condemned by those closest to them?

For sure, a child shouldn't be allowed to speak disrespectfully to a parent or to dismiss their authority. But kids learn to take value in their opinions -- and themselves -- when their parents value their perspective. So, as long as your child behaves respectfully, allow her room to have an opinion, especially when it differs from yours. It'll give her the confidence to stand behind what she believes out in the real world when it counts most.

Q: My wife and I don't doubt that we were "made for each other." Still, approaching our third anniversary, we're shocked by how much tension we feel over small differences that were fascinating before we got married. Is this normal?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: This is one of the most common questions I hear about marriage. For many of us, it's perplexing how qualities we found so attractive in our future spouse when we were dating became so irritating once we tied the knot. It's helpful to remember that "different" doesn't mean "wrong."

One of the toughest challenges for newlyweds is accepting their spouse's personality. Dating couples are usually so busy trying to impress each other they overlook their partner's quirks. But once the honeymoon is over, all those irritating habits can get pretty hard to live with.

And that's where many couples make a mistake that's fatal to their marriage. They allow their mate's personality to grate on their nerves. Left unchecked, resentment will build. And once resentment takes hold, a spouse's commitment to his or her relationship can quickly erode.

Needless to say, I think there's a better path. But it starts with having the right attitude toward your spouse. The key is to recognize that "different" doesn't have to mean "wrong." Our personality is what makes us uniquely who we are. And not only can a marriage handle two unique individuals, it can actually thrive on them.

True, learning to accept your spouse's personality quirks may take some patience and growth on your part. But it's an important step in cultivating variety in your relationship. After all, variety is the spice of life -- and a little spice can go a long way toward helping your marriage thrive.

For tips and resources to build a strong marriage, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My kids (2nd and 4th graders) are both really smart, and they seem to get along well with peers and teachers. But occasionally they go through rough patches where they're moody and just not keeping up with schoolwork the way I know they can. What can I do?

Jim: There could be various explanations, but I'd start with a simple question: Are your kids getting enough "Vitamin Z"? Ample sleep may be one of the biggest secrets to a child's health and well-being.

Researchers from the University of Chicago studied the sleep patterns of children between the ages of 4 and 10. They found that most of our kids are sleep-deprived, usually because of the busy schedules we expect them to keep. After a long day in the classroom, they still have homework and various after-school activities to get through -- not to mention the lure of electronic screens.

Ideally, at this age kids should get between 10 and 12 hours of sleep every night. But on average, most only get between 8 and 9 hours. That may not sound like much of a difference, but even short gaps in sleep can impact a child's mood, brain development and eating patterns. In fact, lack of sleep and erratic bedtimes are thought to be a cause that's often overlooked in binge eating in children.

As Benjamin Franklin once famously said, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." All these years later, science is proving Franklin was correct. Most children probably need more sleep than they're getting.

So I'd suggest considering whether you might pull back a little on your kids' schedule when you can and make sure their bedtimes are somewhat structured. Also, don't force them out of bed too early on Saturday mornings. Let them sleep in and get a little extra "Vitamin Z."

Q: How can we help our adopted 6-year-old son overcome his fears? He recently fell into a very shallow lake, and now he's afraid of the water. I want to get him back in as soon as possible, but I'm concerned since he's had a long history of trauma and struggles with fear.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I commend you for helping your son feel comfortable getting back into the water. It's also essential to be sensitive to his reaction. For many children who are adopted or have faced difficult journeys (such as foster care), experiences like this can be magnified. Similar incidents could continue to be a "big deal" until these kids are able to work through their fears and the way they interpret certain situations.

Several strategies can be helpful for your son. First, encourage him to tell the story of what happened -- repeatedly if necessary. Giving voice to their fears and personal ownership to their own story helps kids gain mastery over them.

Second, remember Dumbo the flying elephant and his "magic feather"? Initially, Dumbo couldn't fly without the feather, which wasn't really "magic" at all -- it was just a prop (placebo) that gave him confidence and enabled him to face his fears. You and your son can probably come up with several different "magic feathers" (a life jacket, floaties, etc.). The idea is to empower him by hearing him and helping him feel safer. Encourage him by showing him what he can control in small conquerable steps.

Third and most important, assure him that Mom and/or Dad will swim with him. By being in the water with him, you'll help restore his confidence and allow him to address his fears with you by his side. You'll also be building connection and a deep sense of trust between parent and child.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.