Q: I want to prepare my 11-year-old to resist the peer pressure I know she'll experience in her teen years. How can I help her develop the confidence to do that?

Jim: You're wise to be setting the foundation early. Far too many teenagers seem incapable of resisting their friends when it counts. The good news is your kids can learn to say "no." Just keep in mind that you have to let them start with you. Don't panic -- I'll clarify that in a moment.

The word "no" is an important boundary, and saying it is a crucial life skill. It's a way to separate ourselves from other people. Without it, we can't have our own opinions or beliefs, and our individuality gets swept away by others more willing to speak their minds. What's more, it's self-perpetuating -- when we aren't able to draw healthy boundaries, we can end up being pulled deeper and deeper into more and more situations that compromise our convictions.

Sadly, the reluctance to express an opinion often begins at home. When a child tells a parent "no" or disagrees over some matter, it's considered "backtalk." And how does the parent usually react? They stamp out the child's behavior with a stern warning that it had better never happen again. Is it any wonder, then, that kids dread taking a stand against the outside world when their opinion is so readily condemned by those closest to them?

For sure, a child shouldn't be allowed to speak disrespectfully to a parent or to dismiss their authority. But kids learn to take value in their opinions -- and themselves -- when their parents value their perspective. So, as long as your child behaves respectfully, allow her room to have an opinion, especially when it differs from yours. It'll give her the confidence to stand behind what she believes out in the real world when it counts most.

Q: My wife and I don't doubt that we were "made for each other." Still, approaching our third anniversary, we're shocked by how much tension we feel over small differences that were fascinating before we got married. Is this normal?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: This is one of the most common questions I hear about marriage. For many of us, it's perplexing how qualities we found so attractive in our future spouse when we were dating became so irritating once we tied the knot. It's helpful to remember that "different" doesn't mean "wrong."

One of the toughest challenges for newlyweds is accepting their spouse's personality. Dating couples are usually so busy trying to impress each other they overlook their partner's quirks. But once the honeymoon is over, all those irritating habits can get pretty hard to live with.

And that's where many couples make a mistake that's fatal to their marriage. They allow their mate's personality to grate on their nerves. Left unchecked, resentment will build. And once resentment takes hold, a spouse's commitment to his or her relationship can quickly erode.

Needless to say, I think there's a better path. But it starts with having the right attitude toward your spouse. The key is to recognize that "different" doesn't have to mean "wrong." Our personality is what makes us uniquely who we are. And not only can a marriage handle two unique individuals, it can actually thrive on them.

True, learning to accept your spouse's personality quirks may take some patience and growth on your part. But it's an important step in cultivating variety in your relationship. After all, variety is the spice of life -- and a little spice can go a long way toward helping your marriage thrive.

For tips and resources to build a strong marriage, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My kids (2nd and 4th graders) are both really smart, and they seem to get along well with peers and teachers. But occasionally they go through rough patches where they're moody and just not keeping up with schoolwork the way I know they can. What can I do?

Jim: There could be various explanations, but I'd start with a simple question: Are your kids getting enough "Vitamin Z"? Ample sleep may be one of the biggest secrets to a child's health and well-being.

Researchers from the University of Chicago studied the sleep patterns of children between the ages of 4 and 10. They found that most of our kids are sleep-deprived, usually because of the busy schedules we expect them to keep. After a long day in the classroom, they still have homework and various after-school activities to get through -- not to mention the lure of electronic screens.

Ideally, at this age kids should get between 10 and 12 hours of sleep every night. But on average, most only get between 8 and 9 hours. That may not sound like much of a difference, but even short gaps in sleep can impact a child's mood, brain development and eating patterns. In fact, lack of sleep and erratic bedtimes are thought to be a cause that's often overlooked in binge eating in children.

As Benjamin Franklin once famously said, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." All these years later, science is proving Franklin was correct. Most children probably need more sleep than they're getting.

So I'd suggest considering whether you might pull back a little on your kids' schedule when you can and make sure their bedtimes are somewhat structured. Also, don't force them out of bed too early on Saturday mornings. Let them sleep in and get a little extra "Vitamin Z."

Q: How can we help our adopted 6-year-old son overcome his fears? He recently fell into a very shallow lake, and now he's afraid of the water. I want to get him back in as soon as possible, but I'm concerned since he's had a long history of trauma and struggles with fear.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I commend you for helping your son feel comfortable getting back into the water. It's also essential to be sensitive to his reaction. For many children who are adopted or have faced difficult journeys (such as foster care), experiences like this can be magnified. Similar incidents could continue to be a "big deal" until these kids are able to work through their fears and the way they interpret certain situations.

Several strategies can be helpful for your son. First, encourage him to tell the story of what happened -- repeatedly if necessary. Giving voice to their fears and personal ownership to their own story helps kids gain mastery over them.

Second, remember Dumbo the flying elephant and his "magic feather"? Initially, Dumbo couldn't fly without the feather, which wasn't really "magic" at all -- it was just a prop (placebo) that gave him confidence and enabled him to face his fears. You and your son can probably come up with several different "magic feathers" (a life jacket, floaties, etc.). The idea is to empower him by hearing him and helping him feel safer. Encourage him by showing him what he can control in small conquerable steps.

Third and most important, assure him that Mom and/or Dad will swim with him. By being in the water with him, you'll help restore his confidence and allow him to address his fears with you by his side. You'll also be building connection and a deep sense of trust between parent and child.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I have a not-so-distant relative who is an extremely difficult person to be around. "Chris" can spot a flaw from across the room and never wastes an opportunity to criticize. I know I shouldn't care what "Chris" thinks, but I do. What can I change in this situation?

Jim: Dealing with a critical person becomes more difficult the closer our relationship with them. And this is something that many of us experience. Since these people play an integral role in our life, their validation is important to us. But instead of their support and encouragement, we receive judgment and cynicism instead. Maybe we've even confronted them, asking them to bring balance to their perspective. Yet they continue to be a needle in a balloon factory, determined to pop every dream or goal we share with them.

Here's the curious part. Although their negativity is as predictable as the morning sunrise, for some reason we still seek these people out for their approval, hoping each time for a different response. But nothing ever changes. It's a little like expecting milk from a water fountain. Why stand there all day, pushing the lever again and again, hoping for something other than water to come out?

Here's the point: A water fountain doesn't dispense milk, and critical people don't dispense encouragement or validation. They criticize; they point out flaws. If they ever change, it will have to come from inside their own heart -- it's not up to you.

The solution, then, is to love that person for who they are, but take your need for affirmation to another friend or family member who will honor it in positive ways. Healthy boundaries are wise -- even with those closest to us.

If you'd like to discuss this situation with our staff counselors, they'd be happy to help. The number is 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My wife and I are still newlyweds, and we have a great relationship -- except for the fact that she doesn't get along with my old bachelor buddies. This is a growing source of tension between us. How can we solve this problem?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many newlyweds find themselves facing something like this soon after the wedding. It's part of two people with separate lives and histories coming together. And it gives you and your wife a great opportunity to learn compromise and flexibility. No marriage can thrive if each spouse doesn't learn to give preference to his or her partner's perspective from time to time.

Start with this: What exactly is it that prevents your wife from warming up to your buddies? And be honest with yourself -- are her concerns valid? Do your friends act immature or irresponsible ... or worse? Have they ever done something to embarrass your wife? If so, you have a responsibility to seriously consider whether these friendships are truly good for you and your marriage. Your wife comes first now.

However, if your wife and your friends simply have different tastes and interests, you could gently and sensitively challenge them all to get to know each other better. She may find some common ground with them. As the person with connection to all concerned, you're in the perfect position to facilitate this kind of social interaction. And make sure to include your buddies' wives or girlfriends in the equation. But again, your wife is your top priority -- always choose her over your buddies.

If you're still having trouble sorting this out on your own, it might be a good idea to consider the option of discussing the situation with a professional counselor. You can start with our staff of licensed family therapists here at Focus on the Family by calling the number given above.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.