Q: Our son is being held back a year in school -- we feel we've failed as parents. How do we help him adjust to repeating his grade level? What should we do if the other kids start to tease him about it?

Jim: It may be tough for him to see right now, but being held back in school isn't the end of the world. Also, childhood problems and struggles don't necessarily point to parental failure.

Failure is part of life, but too often adults try to put a positive spin on everything that happens to a child. It might be much more beneficial to allow this to be a character-building experience that teaches your son how to take defeat and disappointment in stride.

For an elementary school child, repeating a grade can be a great opportunity to nail down foundational skills. It can allow time to develop emotional intelligence and maturity. Status as an older (and possibly bigger, stronger) kid may also give him a social edge with his classmates. The experience is harder on a teenager, but if an extra year of work is what it takes to move forward, there's no permanent harm done.

In regard to teasing, to some extent children have to learn how to face such adversities on their own. Your son could try to enlist support from teachers or other school authorities. Meanwhile, do everything you can to bolster his confidence and reassure him of his value as a person. If his classmates call him "stupid," ask him if he believes it. Talk things through with him until he learns not to take insults and bullying to heart.

This is also a good time to determine why your child has been struggling in school. Learning styles, learning disabilities and relational or family conflicts all impact performance. Seeking help from a licensed professional, such as a learning-style specialist or family therapist, can help him get back on the road to success.

Our counseling staff would be happy to discuss this situation with you over the phone; call 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: As a newly single-again person, I've decided to try online dating. I thought it would make things easier, but it's overwhelming! I can't even decide where to start.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many singles try online dating sites for one simple reason -- they feel they need more choices than they're finding through traditional dating. After all, we've been conditioned to think "the more choices the better," right?

Well, a lot of online daters are discovering the same thing: Too many choices can be as big a problem as not enough. After months of clicking through hundreds of dating profiles, they feel less capable of making a decision than when they started.

That indecisiveness is so common that researchers have coined a term for it: "decision paralysis." When you have unlimited choices, the fear that you'll make a wrong decision can paralyze you from making any decision at all. Before long, your hopes for romance can be lost to anxiety and unhappiness.

But there are a couple of practical solutions for conquering decision paralysis. The first is to stick with traditional dating (at least partially) and allow the availability of people within your social circles to naturally restrict your options.

But if you like the benefits of online dating, tap into the decision-making filters you rely on every day. Character trumps appearance; narrow your choices based on character traits that matter most to you. Or trust a dating service to select people with whom you're most compatible.

Either way, move carefully and prayerfully, taking time to really get to know prospective dates in various settings. For more insights into purposeful single living, see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: After 20-some years of marriage, my wife and I know each other pretty well -- and I think we have a good relationship. We also each have our respective friends and hobbies to help us maintain our individuality. But we still sense that maybe we're missing something. How can we strengthen our connection?

Jim: When a lot of couples think of building marital intimacy, they imagine candlelit dinners and deep conversation. It's all about opening your hearts to one another and sharing your innermost feelings. Those moments can be powerful and even a necessary connection point for a husband and wife. But there's another kind of intimacy that can be just as beneficial to a couple: social intimacy.

That term is really as simple as it sounds. Social intimacy means you share activities together. Maybe you both enjoy riding bikes, exercising or gardening together. The two of you probably already share a lot of common interests.

But there's another angle to social intimacy that's a bit trickier to navigate. More than likely you'll both have to go beyond your individual comfort zones and agree to do activities that don't matter to you but are important to your spouse.

Maybe your spouse loves going to the symphony, but you don't care for it. Go to the symphony anyway. In some marriages, the wife likes to watch cooking shows and the husband enjoys football. Watch a little of both together. Make a concerted effort to engage in each other's interests, and your intimacy has a good chance of deepening.

That's the heart and soul of social intimacy. It's about more than just "doing stuff together." It's about showing your spouse how much you value them by entering into their world and honoring what's important to them.

To help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: How do I get my kids to listen to me?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: That's a simple expression of a complex question that almost every parent asks regularly. It might even seem like your kids need a hearing test; it appears that they heard you, but there's not much evidence. Things you've asked them to do go undone, their clothes pile up everywhere, they're still yelling and arguing or sneaking their phone when you've told them not to.

What impacts a child's ability to listen? Sometimes a child may not be developmentally ready to process complex commands or questions. Typically, though, when kids don't listen they're usually:

Wanting something -- or their own way -- badly

Distracted

Resentful

Tired

Thinking of other priorities and interests

Unclear of what is being asked or expected

So how can you get your kids to listen?

1. Make sure you have their attention and that they understand what you're talking about. Sometimes we forget to use words that can be understood. We can also tend to give directions while walking away, or while a child is in the middle of doing something else. We need to make sure what we're trying to communicate is being received.

2. Be consistent with boundaries, limits, consequences and communication. If you say, "We're leaving in five minutes" but consistently aren't ready yourself for half an hour, your kids learn to ignore your five-minute warning. If you tell your child to stop doing something or say "no" to something he or she has asked but there's never a consequence for disobedience, your child will learn that your boundary fence is just there for decoration.

3. Model respect, grace and forgiveness. Respect begins with listening. Do your children feel valued, heard and understood?

4. Intentionally celebrate along the way. Find ways to celebrate the loving self-discipline of listening in your home.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My son just graduated from high school and is planning on leaving for college. However -- he has also gotten his girlfriend pregnant. They're both 18, and neither one of them wants to give up the child for adoption. Meanwhile, my husband and I are providing all of our son's financial support, and neither of us knows how he's going to support a baby. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: It's encouraging to hear that your son and his girlfriend have opted to choose life rather than abortion. That's a huge step in the right direction.

As you've pointed out, however, there still remains the question of how this young couple will manage to parent a child at this stage in their lives. Clearly, something will need to be done to address these challenges.

First, your family should contact your local pregnancy resource center. They can offer practical help to your son and his girlfriend as they walk through this difficult time. You can find the center nearest you by visiting the OptionLine website (optionline.org).

According to some experts, early in a pregnancy most teen couples say they aren't interested in the adoption alternative. But as time goes on and they begin to consider what it really means to care for a baby, reality starts to set in. At that point, many teens are willing to take a second look.

Second, don't pressure your son and his girlfriend to decide on adoption right now. If you push them to make a decision about whether or not they will keep the baby, they may react by proudly proclaiming to you and all of their friends that they have definitely made up their minds to become parents. At that point, they will have made a public commitment and it will be a lot harder for them to change course and consider adoption later on.

If they do decide to keep the baby, it's important that you and your husband do not step in and agree to raise the child, pay all the expenses and provide child care. If they tell you they're going to keep the baby, you might say something like this: "Your father and I are proud of you for choosing life for your child. Since you've decided to keep the baby, we don't want to deny you the privilege of being parents in the fullest sense of the word. That means you will be responsible to provide for your child financially. You'll also have to find a way to do all of the caregiving. That's what parenting is all about!"

In connection with this last point, it's worth mentioning that it wouldn't be the end of the world if your son delayed college for a while, got a job and fulfilled the responsibility that he took on when he decided to have sex with his girlfriend. Sometimes parents think that if their child doesn't go to college straight out of high school, he never will. From there they jump to the conclusion that he's "finished." That's simply not the case.

Accepting his responsibility as a father might actually force your son to do a lot of growing up. Obviously, it won't be easy. Still, if he starts college later or goes part-time, it's likely that he'll end up being more committed to his education and get more out of it.

If you'd like to discuss this situation further, call our counseling department for a free consultation. They can be reached at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays, 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (MT).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.