Q: I've had a pretty successful life so far -- solid career, married well, a couple of good kids, nice home, etc. But I don't want to miss anything, so I'm asking other men for their best advice for the next, say, 20 years. What's your take?

Jim: I think the key is to ask yourself: Where do you really find your fulfillment? If it's somewhere other than your wife and kids, you need to rethink your priorities.

Let me share a personal example. I love to play golf. When I was first married, I would often spend four or five hours of the weekend hitting the fairway with my buddies. But when our boys were born, my wife, Jean, came to me and said, "You know, you're spending a lot of time on the golf course over the weekend, while your sons are here at home. Can you find another time to play golf?"

Jean's concern really struck a chord with me. I resolved then and there to devote Saturdays to family time as much as possible. It's a trade-off I was happy to make. I didn't quit golf altogether, but I tried to schedule it during times when Jean and the boys were occupied elsewhere.

Maybe it's not golf for you. Maybe it's another hobby or your career. There's nothing inherently wrong with those things. Men are wired to find fulfillment and satisfaction in a job well done. And it's nice to receive words of affirmation from our teammates or our bosses.

But these things can never take priority over our wives and kids. Investing in our family -- in their own happiness, fulfillment and well-being -- is the most important job in the universe. Nothing else comes close.

Q: The birth of my child was one of the highlights of my life. But in the weeks since I've found myself struggling through a dark valley of depression and emotional exhaustion. Is this normal? What can I do about it?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Your experience is quite normal and extremely common. Between 50 and 80 percent of new moms are affected by a temporary emotional slump commonly known as "baby blues," while about 10 percent suffer from the more severe form known as postpartum depression.

The "baby blues" usually develop during the first week after delivery; symptoms include irritability, tearfulness, anxiety, insomnia, lack of energy, loss of appetite, and difficulty concentrating. This emotional and physical slump typically resolves within two weeks, but I would recommend not ignoring it. Emotional support and practical assistance from your husband, family, and friends are extremely important to any woman suffering from the "baby blues."

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a more serious condition that can arise during the first six months after childbirth and may last for several months. A mother with PPD may be so intensely depressed that she has difficulty caring for her baby, or she may develop extreme unrealistic anxiety over the infant's health. While the problem can resolve itself in time, like any other major depression help is needed. Seek professional assistance if symptoms continue for more than two weeks.

If you feel you might be suffering from PPD, our staff counselors will be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

A much less common, but far more intensive disturbance described as postpartum psychosis occurs after about one in 1,000 deliveries. The condition may include hallucinations, delusions, suicidal thoughts, and even violent behavior. It should be considered a medical emergency and must be evaluated immediately by a qualified psychiatrist. Thankfully, it can be effectively treated with appropriate medication.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I love being a mom -- usually. But sometimes I get discouraged in the middle of all the diapers and toddler messes and wonder if anything I do now will really matter when my little ones are all grown up.

Jim: Let me ask this: If someone called you a "ditch digger," how would you react? Before you answer, let me tell you a story.

There's an ancient tale about an army who found themselves without water in the middle of the desert. They were promised divine intervention, but to receive it, their faith had to be tested. They were told the rain would come, if they first dug ditches to hold it all. Believing you'll see rain when you're baking in the sun under a cloudless sky can be tough.

Maybe you can relate. After all, it's the same challenge facing the mothers of young children. Raising kids to have character is a lot of work, and the payoff isn't always immediately obvious. Moms pour their energy into feeding and bath times, dealing with never-ending piles of laundry and breaking up sibling squabbles. At the end of the day, many mothers wonder if they've made a difference in their kids' lives at all.

So I hope you'll take heart. The investment of time and energy you're putting into your children will pay off one day. You're showing your kids they're loved and cared for, and day by day you're giving them the tools they need to thrive.

So keep at it. The rains of maturity and character will come. For now, you're digging the ditches those precious children will need to hold it all.

For encouragement and parenting tips, see FocusOnThefamily.com.

Q: I struggle sometimes with how different my wife and I are. Don't get me wrong; we love each other. It's just that the longer we're married, the more we see that we're not like each other. What can we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Your marriage is made up of both strengths and growth areas, especially because of the personality differences you each bring to the union. Notice that I call them "growth areas," because that's just what they are -- not weaknesses, but opportunities for growth.

Typically, as humans we tend to focus on what we lack versus what we already have. Even in our marriage relationships, we tend to focus on what's not going right instead of what is. The strongest marriages that stand the test of time are often made up of partners who focus on their strengths.

So what are the strengths in your marriage? Another way to ask this is to consider, "What do we do well as a couple?" Are you great financial planners? Do both of you play musical instruments? Perhaps you enjoy taking walks, going hiking or playing sports together. Do you excel at remodeling an older home, together making all the decisions about fixtures, floor plan, landscaping, and tile? Figure out what you can do as a team that makes you both feel energized and maximizes your giftedness as a couple -- and then do more of it!

Think about the last time you really laughed together, had fun together and enjoyed each other. When was the last time you went on a date? What were you doing?

Your marriage is a unique combination of strengths and growth areas. Embrace both, but always focus on your strengths! Your differences -- personality, gender and otherwise -- can bring a beautiful balance in your relationship. As you understand yourself better, and also seek to understand who your spouse has been uniquely created to be, you can learn to deal with differences. For helpful resources, including a free relationship assessment, see focusonthefamily.com/marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I are both retired. We want to have an impact on younger generations, but we're not sure how. We weren't able to have children, and through most of our 43 years of marriage we've just quietly gone about our daily business. Neither of us finished college or accomplished anything noteworthy. We don't really have a legacy to leave anyone; still, we feel that there must be something we can do. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: First of all, I want to congratulate you on 43 years (and counting) of marriage -- that's fantastic! And it's where I'm going to differ with you: I think you have accomplished something very noteworthy. In a society where that level of commitment is becoming increasingly rare, you have set an example that no self-help book on marriage can possibly match.

So that's what I suggest: Simply share your story. Through more than four decades of life together, you have obviously seen a lot of ups and downs. I'm sure you and your wife have experienced hardships and disappointments -- and since you're human, no doubt there have been times when you just didn't feel like sticking together. But you did.

That means all of us can learn from your example. If we'd all work on "the daily business" of maintaining our marriages through the changing seasons of life, this world would be a far better place.

Find younger couples who are struggling in some way, whether they're newlyweds or have been married for a while and things are beginning to unravel. Be honest; don't sugarcoat the hard times, but share how you repeatedly made the decision to persevere through them. That's your legacy -- and I thank you for it.

Q: How can we prepare our preschooler for the upcoming birth of a new baby? What's the best way to explain the birthing process so that he can understand it? I'd like to be as honest as possible with him, but I also want to be careful not to give him more information than he needs.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: When discussing human sexuality with children, the best approach is to give them just enough information to provide satisfactory answers to their questions, which can be tricky. Avoid going into too much detail. The challenge here is to be frank, straightforward and genuinely helpful while keeping the discussion well within the parameters of age-appropriate language and concepts. Since you know your child best, you will understand how best to accomplish this in your particular family setting.

When talking about the birthing process with preschoolers, a major issue of concern is likely to be, "How is that baby going to get out of Mommy's tummy?" If you're faced with this question, you can simply say that there is a part of mommy's body between her legs that God made very special for this purpose. He designed her body so that when the baby is ready to be born -- after around nine months -- that special part opens up enough for the baby to come out. Then, after the baby is born, that part of the body goes back to the way it was before. Most children at this age will have no trouble accepting this explanation at face value.

It's also advisable to use medically accurate names for body parts, including the sex organs. Many pediatricians agree with this approach. You will have to determine for yourself at what point you want to introduce these terms to your child. But avoid using slang words or "cute" names for private parts. That can cause kids unnecessary confusion and may even set them up for embarrassment later on in life.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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