Q: I became a single mom after an ugly divorce -- not what I wanted, but it happened, and there's no going back. After a few years, I'm ready to move forward. I've been dating a great guy who has custody of his own kids. What should we keep in mind as we prepare for a new marriage and combining our households?

Jim: Whether your previous relationships ended through divorce or the death of a spouse, entering into a new marriage comes with a special set of challenges when you or your spouse-to-be has kids. That's because blending two families can be tougher than you'd think.

For children -- even in the best of situations -- watching a parent enjoy a new relationship may not seem like "moving forward" at all. They may feel like they're being dragged into something they never asked for. So keep a couple of things in focus.

First, it's important to make the children a priority -- both yours and your stepkids. They need to know they matter to you. Otherwise, they'll feel like they've lost you to your new spouse (and vice versa for stepkids), which is sure to create conflict. So give the children lots of time and attention.

Second, invest in your new marriage. Kids need a stable home life to feel comfort and security. And studies repeatedly prove that the best indicator of stability in the home is a healthy marriage. So be sure your relationship is solid and vibrant before you walk down the aisle.

These ideas won't guarantee your households will blend without any problems at all. But they are a step in the right direction. The most important thing is to be consistent and to invest the energy necessary to make your new family work.

For more help strengthening your family, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My teen daughter and friends spend entire weekends binge-watching their favorite shows. They're pretty careful about what they watch, so I'm not worried about that. But do you think this binge-watching thing is healthy?

Adam Holz, Plugged In: That's a great question. Binge-watching -- viewing multiple TV episodes in one sitting -- is a fairly new thing. Many shows, especially on streaming platforms like Netflix and Amazon, release entire seasons simultaneously. So there's no more waiting until next week, like the "good ol' days."

On one level, your daughter is doing what teens have done for decades: staying up late, having fun and tasting a bit of the freedom of moving toward adulthood (and the resulting tiredness the next day!). But on a deeper level, binge-watching does have an unhealthy edge to it. Bingeing excessively on anything -- food, drink or material things -- often feels satisfying in the moment. But later on, we realize that those attempts to fill our hearts, minds and bodies with something to make us feel good actually accomplish just the opposite, leaving us feeling empty and perhaps defeated.

Bingeing on TV may have different consequences than those forms of overconsumption, but the internal impulse is arguably the same: a desire for more, a desire to be filled, coupled with an inability to exercise self-control. A big part of becoming a mature adult is the ability to delay gratification. But binge-watching as a regular habit involves practicing just the opposite: seeking gratification right now.

On top of that, Netflix alone put out more than 800 original shows and movies last year. There's always another show to watch, and streaming companies are more than happy to oblige subscribers' binge appetites. But at some point, the healthy choice -- whether we're teens or adults -- is to turn off the TV and look for more productive ways to invest our limited time and affection in the relationships that matter most.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I are examples of opposites attract. We hold different social and spiritual beliefs but still really love each other. Now we're expecting our first child. We plan on showing her both our perspectives as she grows so she'll be well-rounded. That's a healthy approach, right?

Jim: When it comes to values in the home, many parents underestimate just how important it is to be on the same page with one another. If you think it's tough for adults to handle the emotion of conflicting viewpoints, it's even worse for kids.

Picture it this way: Have you ever seen one of those circus performers who rides into the arena standing atop two horses, one under each foot? That stunt only works as long as both horses remain side by side. But what happens if either horse angles even slightly in a different direction? The person on top will come tumbling down, or he'll have to choose one horse or the other to keep his footing.

It's the same dilemma in many homes. When parents hold conflicting values, it's as if the horses underneath the child are splitting into different directions. That's a no-win situation. No matter what the child does, he or she will be crossing one of their parents and will feel caught in the middle of their disagreement. That's a very stressful situation and a heavy burden for a child to bear. It'll make life seem unstable and scary. And when kids feel scared, you can bet it'll show up through negative behavior.

So get on the same page with your spouse -- if not for peace in your marriage, then certainly for the sake of your child. For time-tested life principles to help your household thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: After years of marriage, it seems like everything my wife does or says drives me crazy. I still love her. But from the way she squeezes the toothpaste to how she talks on the phone or her latest cooking fad, I just find myself getting irritated. I know I shouldn't be this way. What can I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: If you find that you're only able to notice negative things about your spouse, marriage or anyone for that matter, you can be almost 99.9 percent sure you're "under the influence" of negative beliefs. When all you see is the weaknesses of your spouse's personality, you are heading down a dangerous pathway.

Psychologists call this tendency "confirmation bias." It basically means that whatever you're looking for in someone's behavior (your bias) is exactly what you'll notice (your confirmation). In essence, that person is powerless against your beliefs because -- you guessed it -- they can't control you or your thoughts.

You must fight these nasty beliefs in any relationship, but especially in your marriage. You can do this best by adopting an "I could be wrong" attitude and giving your wife the benefit of the doubt. Basically this means having a perspective that leaves room for the possibility that you've misinterpreted some irritating behavior you notice in your mate. You can work toward conquering negativity by giving your spouse the gift of believing the best about her and her intentions. After all, isn't that what you'd want her to do for you?

One practical way to jump-start this process is to write a list of every reason you love your wife and what drew you to her originally. When you find yourself getting irritated, step away and read through the list. Repeat as necessary. And try to find at least one new positive thing each week to add to the list. Keep it going and growing to help refocus your perspective.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Without mentioning my exact age, let's just say I fear I've wasted too much time and will never achieve anything worthwhile. I could use some encouragement to get past this midlife crisis, so what's your take?

Jim: Maybe you're in your 30s or 40s, or even in your 50s. No matter your age, instead of giving up, it's a perfect time to move forward. The best may be yet to come.

Many notable figures achieved their greatest work late in life. Consider Laura Ingalls Wilder, author of the "Little House on the Prairie" series; her first book wasn't published until she was 65 and the last when she was 76. Ray Kroc was in his 50s when he franchised his first McDonald's restaurant. "Colonel" Harlan Sanders founded the Kentucky Fried Chicken company at age 62.

Julia Hawkins started bicycling in her 80s, then took up running at age 100. In 2017, at the sprightly mark of 101, she set the centenarian 100-meter dash world record by sprinting the distance in 40 seconds.

Then there's Anna Moses. As a 76-year-old widow, arthritis finally forced her to give up her hobby of embroidery -- so she picked up a paintbrush. By the time she died at 101, "Grandma" Moses had produced more than 1,500 paintings and become one of the most celebrated artists in American history.

It can be discouraging to know your young(er) adult years have slipped by without achieving goals important to you. But why not live all of your life? Some people take a little longer to find their true passion and to develop the skills and confidence necessary to achieve their dreams. So don't give up! It's never too late to learn -- and try -- something new. You just might find your niche in the process.

Q: My biggest frustration as a parent is getting my kids to behave. How can I discipline my children most effectively?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: First, understand that discipline is not about punishment. It's about learning, correction and modeling. It requires lots of energy and patience, but that doesn't mean "absorb or tolerate until you pop."

There's not one perfect type of discipline that works for all kids; each child has different needs as they mature and learn. Here are four things to remember as you consider parental discipline.

1. Know what you're you trying to teach and why. What does your child need to learn? What is the moment like from his perspective? How can you teach her to make better decisions? Include these traits in your parenting tool belt: love, respect, boundaries and limits, grace and forgiveness, gratitude, intentionality and adaptability.

2. Empty threats create more work later. I've heard parents say, "If you don't come by the time I count to three, I'll..." Too often they: a) either never follow through, or b) completely overreact. The child, then, becomes focused on getting away with as much as possible until his parents lose their cool.

3. Your child should learn to distinguish "wants" from "needs." Kids need air, food, water and shelter. A smartphone may be presented to you as a need. It's not, so it's OK to say no.

4. When possible, use "could" instead of "should." Most kids see "should" as controlling ("You should stop that now"). "Could," on the other hand, is a word brimming with possibility. For example, say: "You could choose to obey the time limit for playing on the phone that we agreed on and have further opportunities to play later. Or you could disobey and lose the privilege until you regain the trust necessary to have it back." Make sure to define what "regaining trust" will look like.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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