Q: How can I overcome the bitterness I have about the way my parents treated me growing up? After all these years, I continue to struggle with negative feelings about my mother and father. I remember only their harsh criticism, dysfunctional parenting and unloving attitude. I especially don't want these memories to affect my relationship with my own kids.

Jim: According to our staff counselors, the struggle you're facing is probably more common than you'd think. Many people who were wounded as children by their parents' attitudes, words and actions end up carrying around a great deal of anger and bitterness. You've taken an important first step in the right direction by recognizing that you need to deal with these emotions.

In the long run, feelings of bitterness only harm the person who harbors them, not the one who inflicted the pain in the first place. You're also correct in being concerned that the resentment you feel toward your parents could have a negative impact on your relationship with your own children, particularly during the teen years. It's best to resolve this internal struggle before it begins to affect the rest of your family.

While it may sound cliche, the best way you can do this is by learning and choosing to forgive. Ultimately, it's not about your parents -- it's about facilitating your own personal healing. Note that forgiving and loving someone is an act of the will, not the emotions. You may never experience warm and tender feelings toward your mom and dad. But you can choose to love them unconditionally. (As a Christian, I believe there's a critical spiritual component to this.) And you won't be able to move ahead with your own life until you give up your right to be angry at them for making your childhood miserable.

If your parents are still living, you may want to consider setting up a time to meet with them to discuss your feelings. Of course, there may be some situations where this wouldn't be advisable -- use discretion. If your spouse is supportive, it would be a good idea to bring them along. Tell your mom and dad how much they've hurt you and how the memory of their words and actions continues to cause you pain. Keep your emotions under control, but be straightforward and honest. Explain that your purpose is not to hurt them in return, but to find release from the negative effects of your memories. This will take a tremendous amount of courage on your part, but it can be an important part of gaining the freedom you're seeking.

Finally, try to develop some empathy for your parents. Ask yourself what it was about their personal backgrounds that made them treat you the way they did. Find out what their childhoods were like. It's likely that they, too, grew up with harsh, unloving parents -- that you're just on the receiving end of a problem that spans several generations. If you have a chance to talk with them, try to ask some carefully considered questions about their past. If they're no longer living, you may be able to locate a member of the extended family who can provide you with the insights you need. A deeper understanding of your parents' backgrounds and motives can give you a broader perspective on their behavior. This certainly won't excuse the mistreatment you received at their hands, but it may help you release some of your bitterness.

As you begin to work your way through this process, you may find yourself in need of some outside assistance. Our staff counselors would be happy to help; feel free to call them at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: With two young children in the house, my husband and I can barely remember "life before kids." I mean, I wouldn't trade our little ones for anything, but sometimes it's hard to find even two minutes for a meaningful adult conversation, much less an actual date night. How does a couple get a break from the kids to reconnect?

Jim: Most couples understand the importance of one-on-one time. But making it happen can be difficult.

For many young families, money is often a factor. It's not uncommon for new parents to be on a limited budget; the expenses of diapers, food and clothing can really pack a wallop. Just remember, an occasional dinner out (even if it's a burger and fries) is better than none at all. Still, when money is tight, try this: Put the kids to bed early, throw a pizza in the oven and enjoy a movie. Time together doesn't have to be expensive.

Another concern for many parents is trusting their children to baby sitters. Those first few times can be nerve-racking. If you're fortunate enough to have Grandma and Grandpa living nearby, they're probably itching to spend time with the grandkids anyway. But if they aren't available, consider asking trusted friends to watch your kids, or maybe trade baby-sitting with parents you know. The more time you spend with other families -- play dates, group outings, etc. -- the easier it can be transitioning to watching one another's children.

Here's another idea: Have a sitter watch your child in another room while you and your spouse enjoy dinner and a movie in the living room. Doing this a few times can work toward a level of mutual trust and comfort that can allow you to actually leave the house.

You'll probably need to get creative, but with some strategic effort, you can find opportunities to be a couple again.

Q: I can't understand why my wife is so resistant to good advice. I try to politely make reasonable suggestions when I think she could use some help making decisions, but it usually doesn't go over well. Am I missing something?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Ideally, husbands and wives should be able to offer each other advice in ways that strengthen their relationship. But for most of us, that's often not reality.

It can be tough for spouses to accept correction from one another, even if it's wise counsel. Here are some tips to help avoid the baggage that often accompanies advice-giving.

First, keep in mind that unsolicited advice can be hard to swallow. Before you speak, ask your wife if she's open to hearing what you have to say. Then be careful to share your thoughts in a tone that will help her feel loved and cared for.

Second, check your motives. Take a moment to assess how you're feeling toward your spouse and why you want to give advice. If you're a little angry and want to push a few buttons, it's probably best to stay silent for the time being. Share your thoughts some other time when you're more in control of your emotions.

Finally, create an environment where it's safe for advice to be shared and received. You can build safety in your relationship by encouraging each other daily, building each other up, and nurturing each other in ways that are honoring and loving. Never give advice in a tone or manner that demeans or insults your spouse.

In a marriage that's sustained by love and encouragement, mutual advice-giving can become a positive and enriching part of daily life. I pray that's the case for you.

You'll find lots more information to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: A young man in our extended family seems to have lost his way in life; he's behaving in ways that are completely foreign to our values. I'd rather not say more. Still, this situation grieves me deeply, and I'm wondering if you have any advice.

Jim: This is a difficult scenario that many families encounter. I'd suggest you not give up on your loved one -- you never know when a seed may take root and bloom. Let me share a story as an example.

In the mid-1960s, an archaeological dig in Israel revealed a cache of date palm seeds nearly 2,000 years old. Most experts logically assumed that, having lain dormant for so long in such an arid climate, the seeds were dead and useless except for their historic value. But then some professors at a Jerusalem university were given a few of the seeds to conduct scientific experiments. Surprisingly, the seeds germinated soon after being planted. In fact, within a few years, the date palm tree they produced was thriving and stood nearly 8 feet tall.

That's a powerful reminder for families with a loved one who's gone astray. When someone's life seems barren and directionless, it can feel as if their circumstances will never improve. But our lives are often like that desert seed that blossomed into a beautiful tree against all expectations. Even when it seems like nothing is happening, you never know what potential may already be stirring inside someone's heart.

Obviously, we can't be naive when a loved one is making poor choices. Wisely enforcing appropriate boundaries is important. But through it all, we have to remain hopeful that a wonderful transformation could be underway. And I can't overemphasize the importance of praying for our loved ones and letting God work in their lives in His timing.

Q: Our kids are usually honest, but sometimes we catch them saying something that's not true. We've always taught them to tell the truth. So far this hasn't been a big deal, but I'm concerned. What can we do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Your kids are human! It sounds like you've taught them well, but it's not unusual for children to stretch the truth, exaggerate and even flat-out lie. Of course, that's pervasive in our culture -- some studies indicate that people in general are dishonest in one out of every five (20 percent) of their daily interactions. And, of course, we're misled constantly through advertisements, social media, etc.

So how do you know if your child's fibs are "normal" or part of a bigger problem? It's important to determine why your child has decided to lie, and then consistently lead him or her back to the fact that truth fosters trustworthy connections and relationships.

Kids generally don't lie to hurt others. Usually, they are trying to manage emotions such as fear, anxiety, insecurity, desire, anger, selfishness, etc. In short, dishonesty is about trying to get control of something. As parents, our challenge is to guide our children to healthier ways of managing these feelings. The goal is to help them learn self-reflection and self-awareness about what they're trying to control, why they're concerned about it, and how to accept and adjust to things that are out of their control.

If lying is becoming or has become a real pattern with your kids, there's no shame in asking for professional assistance. You may need to work with a trained therapist to sort out what is driving your child's need for dishonesty and equip them to pursue honesty. We can help. To speak with one of our counselors, or to find one in your area, call us at 855-771-HELP (4357). Or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.