Q: With two young children in the house, my husband and I can barely remember "life before kids." I mean, I wouldn't trade our little ones for anything, but sometimes it's hard to find even two minutes for a meaningful adult conversation, much less an actual date night. How does a couple get a break from the kids to reconnect?

Jim: Most couples understand the importance of one-on-one time. But making it happen can be difficult.

For many young families, money is often a factor. It's not uncommon for new parents to be on a limited budget; the expenses of diapers, food and clothing can really pack a wallop. Just remember, an occasional dinner out (even if it's a burger and fries) is better than none at all. Still, when money is tight, try this: Put the kids to bed early, throw a pizza in the oven and enjoy a movie. Time together doesn't have to be expensive.

Another concern for many parents is trusting their children to baby sitters. Those first few times can be nerve-racking. If you're fortunate enough to have Grandma and Grandpa living nearby, they're probably itching to spend time with the grandkids anyway. But if they aren't available, consider asking trusted friends to watch your kids, or maybe trade baby-sitting with parents you know. The more time you spend with other families -- play dates, group outings, etc. -- the easier it can be transitioning to watching one another's children.

Here's another idea: Have a sitter watch your child in another room while you and your spouse enjoy dinner and a movie in the living room. Doing this a few times can work toward a level of mutual trust and comfort that can allow you to actually leave the house.

You'll probably need to get creative, but with some strategic effort, you can find opportunities to be a couple again.

Q: I can't understand why my wife is so resistant to good advice. I try to politely make reasonable suggestions when I think she could use some help making decisions, but it usually doesn't go over well. Am I missing something?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Ideally, husbands and wives should be able to offer each other advice in ways that strengthen their relationship. But for most of us, that's often not reality.

It can be tough for spouses to accept correction from one another, even if it's wise counsel. Here are some tips to help avoid the baggage that often accompanies advice-giving.

First, keep in mind that unsolicited advice can be hard to swallow. Before you speak, ask your wife if she's open to hearing what you have to say. Then be careful to share your thoughts in a tone that will help her feel loved and cared for.

Second, check your motives. Take a moment to assess how you're feeling toward your spouse and why you want to give advice. If you're a little angry and want to push a few buttons, it's probably best to stay silent for the time being. Share your thoughts some other time when you're more in control of your emotions.

Finally, create an environment where it's safe for advice to be shared and received. You can build safety in your relationship by encouraging each other daily, building each other up, and nurturing each other in ways that are honoring and loving. Never give advice in a tone or manner that demeans or insults your spouse.

In a marriage that's sustained by love and encouragement, mutual advice-giving can become a positive and enriching part of daily life. I pray that's the case for you.

You'll find lots more information to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: A young man in our extended family seems to have lost his way in life; he's behaving in ways that are completely foreign to our values. I'd rather not say more. Still, this situation grieves me deeply, and I'm wondering if you have any advice.

Jim: This is a difficult scenario that many families encounter. I'd suggest you not give up on your loved one -- you never know when a seed may take root and bloom. Let me share a story as an example.

In the mid-1960s, an archaeological dig in Israel revealed a cache of date palm seeds nearly 2,000 years old. Most experts logically assumed that, having lain dormant for so long in such an arid climate, the seeds were dead and useless except for their historic value. But then some professors at a Jerusalem university were given a few of the seeds to conduct scientific experiments. Surprisingly, the seeds germinated soon after being planted. In fact, within a few years, the date palm tree they produced was thriving and stood nearly 8 feet tall.

That's a powerful reminder for families with a loved one who's gone astray. When someone's life seems barren and directionless, it can feel as if their circumstances will never improve. But our lives are often like that desert seed that blossomed into a beautiful tree against all expectations. Even when it seems like nothing is happening, you never know what potential may already be stirring inside someone's heart.

Obviously, we can't be naive when a loved one is making poor choices. Wisely enforcing appropriate boundaries is important. But through it all, we have to remain hopeful that a wonderful transformation could be underway. And I can't overemphasize the importance of praying for our loved ones and letting God work in their lives in His timing.

Q: Our kids are usually honest, but sometimes we catch them saying something that's not true. We've always taught them to tell the truth. So far this hasn't been a big deal, but I'm concerned. What can we do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Your kids are human! It sounds like you've taught them well, but it's not unusual for children to stretch the truth, exaggerate and even flat-out lie. Of course, that's pervasive in our culture -- some studies indicate that people in general are dishonest in one out of every five (20 percent) of their daily interactions. And, of course, we're misled constantly through advertisements, social media, etc.

So how do you know if your child's fibs are "normal" or part of a bigger problem? It's important to determine why your child has decided to lie, and then consistently lead him or her back to the fact that truth fosters trustworthy connections and relationships.

Kids generally don't lie to hurt others. Usually, they are trying to manage emotions such as fear, anxiety, insecurity, desire, anger, selfishness, etc. In short, dishonesty is about trying to get control of something. As parents, our challenge is to guide our children to healthier ways of managing these feelings. The goal is to help them learn self-reflection and self-awareness about what they're trying to control, why they're concerned about it, and how to accept and adjust to things that are out of their control.

If lying is becoming or has become a real pattern with your kids, there's no shame in asking for professional assistance. You may need to work with a trained therapist to sort out what is driving your child's need for dishonesty and equip them to pursue honesty. We can help. To speak with one of our counselors, or to find one in your area, call us at 855-771-HELP (4357). Or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I are trying to help our kids explore their natural talents in sports, music and other areas. But each time we try something new, the kids seem to hate it. I'm running out of ideas. What's the trick?

Jim: You might start by asking yourself: "Who's more interested in this activity -- my child, or me?"

Let me share a story as an example. When my oldest son, Trent, was 5, we signed him up for T-ball. I was excited. The big day arrived, and the coach sent the two of us to the outfield. It was the moment I'd been waiting for -- father and son bonding together over baseball.

But after 30 minutes passed without much action, I leaned down and asked Trent, "Are you doin' OK?" He replied, "Not really, Dad." I could see his heart just wasn't in it.

"Would you rather get a milkshake?"

"Yeah, let's do that," he said.

And with that, Trent's baseball career came to an end.

Skip ahead a few years, and my son, who didn't care much for baseball, couldn't wait to tell me when he won the chess club championship. He found a form of competition that appealed to the way he's wired, and I learned a valuable lesson. There's (usually) no cheering from the sidelines in chess. But I can be a super-proud dad watching my son apply his gifts and intellect to something he loves -- and he's good at it!

As parents, we want our children to try different activities, have fun and explore their natural talents. But it's all too easy to steer them toward things that we enjoy instead of the ones they'd prefer. We need to constantly study our kids and watch for what excites them, even if it's something we're not all that interested in ourselves. And, when in doubt, ask them.

Q: I've heard lots of relationship experts say that it's important to "listen to your spouse." I try to do that even when I'm biting my tongue wanting to respond. But we still have trouble communicating. What's the secret?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: To a lot of people, "listen to your spouse" simply means "don't interrupt your spouse when they're talking." Well, that's always a good place to start. But active listening goes much deeper. Here are a couple suggestions.

First, stay focused. Don't let your thoughts wander when your spouse is talking. It's not the time for you to think through what you'll say next (and we all struggle with this). Value your spouse by listening respectfully to what they're telling you. To do that, don't just hear what your spouse says; listen to what they mean. If you're not sure, wait for them to finish and then ask for clarification.

Second, use body language to demonstrate you're interested in what your spouse is saying. Nonverbal communication is just as important to effective dialogue as the words you use; in fact, many studies indicate that it's much more important. So make good eye contact and let your posture show you're open and attentive.

Finally, learn the unique ways your spouse communicates. If your spouse likes feedback, then repeat their comments back to them. It'll assure them you're listening. On the other hand, your spouse may prefer you listen quietly until they've finished. In that case, nodding occasionally shows you're attentive and engaged.

Active listening is a lot more than not interrupting when your spouse talks. It communicates respect by showing you care what your spouse thinks, feels and says. It's a crucial ingredient to resolving problems and deepening your intimacy as a couple.

For more tips to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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