Q: My wife and I are trying to help our kids explore their natural talents in sports, music and other areas. But each time we try something new, the kids seem to hate it. I'm running out of ideas. What's the trick?

Jim: You might start by asking yourself: "Who's more interested in this activity -- my child, or me?"

Let me share a story as an example. When my oldest son, Trent, was 5, we signed him up for T-ball. I was excited. The big day arrived, and the coach sent the two of us to the outfield. It was the moment I'd been waiting for -- father and son bonding together over baseball.

But after 30 minutes passed without much action, I leaned down and asked Trent, "Are you doin' OK?" He replied, "Not really, Dad." I could see his heart just wasn't in it.

"Would you rather get a milkshake?"

"Yeah, let's do that," he said.

And with that, Trent's baseball career came to an end.

Skip ahead a few years, and my son, who didn't care much for baseball, couldn't wait to tell me when he won the chess club championship. He found a form of competition that appealed to the way he's wired, and I learned a valuable lesson. There's (usually) no cheering from the sidelines in chess. But I can be a super-proud dad watching my son apply his gifts and intellect to something he loves -- and he's good at it!

As parents, we want our children to try different activities, have fun and explore their natural talents. But it's all too easy to steer them toward things that we enjoy instead of the ones they'd prefer. We need to constantly study our kids and watch for what excites them, even if it's something we're not all that interested in ourselves. And, when in doubt, ask them.

Q: I've heard lots of relationship experts say that it's important to "listen to your spouse." I try to do that even when I'm biting my tongue wanting to respond. But we still have trouble communicating. What's the secret?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: To a lot of people, "listen to your spouse" simply means "don't interrupt your spouse when they're talking." Well, that's always a good place to start. But active listening goes much deeper. Here are a couple suggestions.

First, stay focused. Don't let your thoughts wander when your spouse is talking. It's not the time for you to think through what you'll say next (and we all struggle with this). Value your spouse by listening respectfully to what they're telling you. To do that, don't just hear what your spouse says; listen to what they mean. If you're not sure, wait for them to finish and then ask for clarification.

Second, use body language to demonstrate you're interested in what your spouse is saying. Nonverbal communication is just as important to effective dialogue as the words you use; in fact, many studies indicate that it's much more important. So make good eye contact and let your posture show you're open and attentive.

Finally, learn the unique ways your spouse communicates. If your spouse likes feedback, then repeat their comments back to them. It'll assure them you're listening. On the other hand, your spouse may prefer you listen quietly until they've finished. In that case, nodding occasionally shows you're attentive and engaged.

Active listening is a lot more than not interrupting when your spouse talks. It communicates respect by showing you care what your spouse thinks, feels and says. It's a crucial ingredient to resolving problems and deepening your intimacy as a couple.

For more tips to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Some friends of ours are talking about possibly adopting a child. Honestly, my wife and I have never thought about doing that. But I've heard you're a big proponent of adoption, and I'm curious as to why.

Jim: Let's do some name-dropping: Babe Ruth. President Gerald Ford. Steve Jobs. Dave Thomas (the founder of Wendy's). These were all successful people, but they also share the distinct privilege of having been adopted.

I spent a year in the foster care system myself, so I know what it means to be an orphan. I also know the stability and nurture a loving adoptive family can provide a child.

That's why I never forget that there are thousands of children across the country and around the world who have the same need for a family to bring them into their home, to love them and to show them their worth. Adopting a child is a serious responsibility, but the rewards are priceless. And it can make all the difference in the life of a young person in need -- literally changing their entire future.

Not every adopted child will grow up to be a head-of-state like Nelson Mandela or the founder of a Fortune 500 company like Steve Jobs. But it's hard to overestimate the lifelong impact that growing up in a loving, adoptive family can have on a child. We all need love, a sense of worth and the security of knowing that we belong. Without the gift of adoption, many children will grow up without those things.

For more information about helping an adopted child to thrive -- or coming alongside a family that has adopted -- visit FocusOnTheFamily.com. And if you'd like to read some inspiring stories, I highly recommend a book by my friend Paul Batura titled "Chosen for Greatness: How Adoption Changes the World."

Q: In your professional opinion, what does a child need to grow up healthy and well-adjusted?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I've enjoyed working with kids since I was in high school in the early 1990s -- as a camp counselor, a sports coach and eventually as a licensed clinical social worker counseling families. What I have learned is that there are a lot of kids who are hungry for reassurance and love -- the kind of love that comes from families.

What is love in a family? It goes beyond meeting fundamental needs like security, food and shelter. It is unwavering, resilient, attentive and invested. It is steadfast and transforming. This type of love has patience with the endless imperfections of others. It listens and chooses to forgive, repairing damaged relationships.

Here are four of the many things kids need from their family besides the basic necessities:

1. Boundaries and limits. These are so important when it comes to technology and entertainment. They are also crucial with respect to friends, relationships and self-control.

2. Authentic feedback with permission to fail. A recent study found that 49 percent of kids post about their accomplishments on social media. Few, however, talk about their failures or mistakes. Kids want genuine feedback because it is difficult to trust a system where everyone is a winner, and no one struggles.

3. Relationships. Kids want a listening ear, laughter, mealtimes with family and conversation.

4. Mission and guidance. Set goals as a family and conquer them. Kids seek purpose, which produces hope. Conquering challenges as a family creates deeper bonds.

Love can always be expressed in various forms. That includes patience, direction, correction, attention, authentic feedback and sacrifice. Keep in mind that the more difficult the issues you address, the more love is required.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our daughter is finishing high school and will soon "leave the nest." We're concerned that she doesn't seem to be enthusiastic about the values we've tried to teach her. It's discouraging to us as parents -- but is it too late?

Jim: I think all of us, as parents, struggle at some point with this kind of concern. Here's my advice: Be patient. You've planted the seed and watered it. Now comes the tough part -- waiting for it to take root and grow.

Let me share a story. A few years back, my family and I were driving through open farmland. My son, Trent, asked, "Hey, Dad, why aren't the farmers out working?" He was expecting to see tractors and combines rumbling through the dirt, and rows of crops sprouting up along the endless miles of fields. But since the planting season had just ended, the landscape of empty fields didn't tell the whole story. I explained to my son that before the farmers could harvest a crop, they had to be patient and wait for the seeds they had planted to take root and grow.

Parents face much the same challenge, and it's easy for discouragement to settle in when we don't immediately see the results we're hoping for. But, like a farmer, you can't force a seed to grow. It must be nurtured and given the right nutrients for it to have its best chance of taking root on its own. For a child, that includes patience, firm and healthy boundaries, solid examples from Mom and Dad, and buckets of praise and love.

As a parent, you do what you can while your child is under your roof. I'll presume that you've communicated and hopefully modeled the values you want your daughter to emulate. Now it's up to her. Her decisions as a budding adult might not always be the ones you'd prefer. But even if that seed seems dormant for now, under the right conditions it can still sprout and grow.

Q: I'm getting married soon. My fiancee and I thought it would be good to ask various people -- family, friends and experts -- for their best marriage tips. What's your advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are many things I could say, but let me go with this: Your chances for a successful marriage increase substantially when you both agree to temper the ways you speak to each other.

Have you ever noticed the power of the words we speak? They can build up and heal our relationships, or they can tear them down and destroy them. Careless words are like runaway horses. Once they're out in the open, they'll lead you down trails you never intended to go. That's why it's important to put up strong fences early on in your relationship to guide you in what you should and shouldn't say to one another.

One of the most effective boundaries for protecting a relationship is removing talk of divorce from your conversations at all costs. It's not wise for couples to threaten an end to their marriage as a tactic for getting their way. Every marriage encounters disagreement at times. But if you allow yourself in the heat of an argument to raise the possibility of divorce, it suddenly becomes a "real option." Instead, make up your minds in advance that, come what may, divorce is absolutely off-limits. It'll motivate you to find other ways to settle your differences.

Trouble will come to your relationship -- that's just part of being human. But take "divorce" out of your vocabulary and work on finding other opportunities for resolving the issues you face.

We have resources to help lifelong marriages launch successfully at ReadyToWed.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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