Q: Our daughter is finishing high school and will soon "leave the nest." We're concerned that she doesn't seem to be enthusiastic about the values we've tried to teach her. It's discouraging to us as parents -- but is it too late?

Jim: I think all of us, as parents, struggle at some point with this kind of concern. Here's my advice: Be patient. You've planted the seed and watered it. Now comes the tough part -- waiting for it to take root and grow.

Let me share a story. A few years back, my family and I were driving through open farmland. My son, Trent, asked, "Hey, Dad, why aren't the farmers out working?" He was expecting to see tractors and combines rumbling through the dirt, and rows of crops sprouting up along the endless miles of fields. But since the planting season had just ended, the landscape of empty fields didn't tell the whole story. I explained to my son that before the farmers could harvest a crop, they had to be patient and wait for the seeds they had planted to take root and grow.

Parents face much the same challenge, and it's easy for discouragement to settle in when we don't immediately see the results we're hoping for. But, like a farmer, you can't force a seed to grow. It must be nurtured and given the right nutrients for it to have its best chance of taking root on its own. For a child, that includes patience, firm and healthy boundaries, solid examples from Mom and Dad, and buckets of praise and love.

As a parent, you do what you can while your child is under your roof. I'll presume that you've communicated and hopefully modeled the values you want your daughter to emulate. Now it's up to her. Her decisions as a budding adult might not always be the ones you'd prefer. But even if that seed seems dormant for now, under the right conditions it can still sprout and grow.

Q: I'm getting married soon. My fiancee and I thought it would be good to ask various people -- family, friends and experts -- for their best marriage tips. What's your advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are many things I could say, but let me go with this: Your chances for a successful marriage increase substantially when you both agree to temper the ways you speak to each other.

Have you ever noticed the power of the words we speak? They can build up and heal our relationships, or they can tear them down and destroy them. Careless words are like runaway horses. Once they're out in the open, they'll lead you down trails you never intended to go. That's why it's important to put up strong fences early on in your relationship to guide you in what you should and shouldn't say to one another.

One of the most effective boundaries for protecting a relationship is removing talk of divorce from your conversations at all costs. It's not wise for couples to threaten an end to their marriage as a tactic for getting their way. Every marriage encounters disagreement at times. But if you allow yourself in the heat of an argument to raise the possibility of divorce, it suddenly becomes a "real option." Instead, make up your minds in advance that, come what may, divorce is absolutely off-limits. It'll motivate you to find other ways to settle your differences.

Trouble will come to your relationship -- that's just part of being human. But take "divorce" out of your vocabulary and work on finding other opportunities for resolving the issues you face.

We have resources to help lifelong marriages launch successfully at ReadyToWed.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My wife and I have been married about four years. The subject of buying our own home came up recently, but I'm not sure we're prepared for that kind of financial commitment. What should we consider?

Jim: The conventional wisdom for decades has been that owning a home is always superior to renting. But conventional wisdom can change with the times.

When deciding whether to buy or rent, you should take into account the nature of your occupation(s), the location, and your needs and goals. If your vocation requires you to move every two to five years, renting would probably be just as wise as purchasing. On the other hand, if your family wants to establish roots in a neighborhood, owning a house may be more appropriate than renting.

Experts advise that you resist the urge to jump immediately into a house purchase before having an emergency fund and a significant down payment. A good goal is to pay at least 20 percent of the purchase price as a down payment. This probably means that you should save a little longer to buy that first house than you expected.

If you're renting, rent shouldn't exceed 25 percent of your gross pay. However, there's more flexibility -- if you've overcommitted to a rent payment, you can usually change your circumstances fairly quickly. By comparison, you're usually better off to buy a house only if you expect to live in it for at least two years -- and the longer you stay, the more cost-effective your investment will be.

Owning a home may be an important part of the "American Dream," but use wisdom in deciding whether it's best for you.

Q: My daughter is a great kid, but she doesn't always see her own value. I believe in her; still, I sometimes have trouble communicating that to her. How can I build my child up?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Who and what we become is generally impacted by many people. Let's talk about three types of "builders" your child needs: investors, influencers and encouragers.

Who are the investors in your daughter's life? These are people who contribute their time, money, talents and advice. I had several coaches during my teen years who invested time in me. For example, I was awful at tennis in high school, but one coach believed in me and took time to help me become a better player. I eventually won a tennis scholarship my second year of college, because someone invested in me.

How about the positive influencers in your daughter's life? These are wise life decision-makers your daughter admires and trusts. They teach and model good examples. These may include friends, siblings, teachers, coaches, mentors and, of course, parents.

Who are encouragers in your daughter's life? These individuals' words propel us forward, reminding us of our value, purpose and direction. (Unfortunately, many of tend to pay more attention to the critics.) When I was in high school, my principal stopped me one day and said, "You're going to be a great leader someday." Those were profound fueling words. He may not remember that moment of encouragement, but I'll never forget it.

I urge you to commit to consistently investing in your daughter, positively influencing and persistently encouraging her along the way. And remind her to not give critics too much "microphone time" in her mind.

On a related note, Focus on the Family has developed a suicide prevention resource called Alive to Thrive (alivetothrive.focusonthefamily.com). It's a free and excellent resource to equip those who invest in, influence and encourage young people. I urge you to use this to help your community move in a healthier direction. Every life is important and precious!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I heard a speaker say recently that we should set goals for our relationships. I understand setting objectives for your career, health, finances, etc. But I'm not really tracking with how this could improve my marriage. What are your thoughts?

Jim: My wife, Jean, and I often talk to our sons about their goals. They usually mention things like grades or what they hope to achieve in sports. Those are great. But we like to encourage them to think outside the box. Like, what can they do to develop their character as well?

And that prompted Jean and me to do some thinking: setting goals for our marriage is a great idea, too.

We tend to discuss our relationship in terms of a theme. It could be "forgiveness" or "grace" or maybe "patience." Then we try to weave that theme into every part of our marriage. So not only will we actually try to be more patient with each other, but we also make it part of our conversation with each other for that season of life. And we talk regularly about how we see each other improving in that area. We cheer each other on, which brings us even closer together.

Of course, for a happy relationship you need something a little more inspiring than "staying together." So find ways to keep your interest in each other alive. Read books or watch movies you can discuss afterward. Have a common goal, like saving for that dream vacation. Even better, intentionally build character into your marriage. Be more considerate, more patient or more forgiving with each other. And share positive feedback as you each see the other grow.

Your marriage doesn't have to be an endless string of mundane days. Set some basic goals and work them into your relationship.

Q: I've come to dread Valentine's Day, and I think my wife feels the same. It's gotten so commercial. And don't get either of us started on the implied pressure to match other people's Instagram-perfect romantic gestures! What's your take?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A growing number of couples feel the commercialism surrounding Valentine's Day has reduced romance to a sack full of trinkets purchased at the last minute. It's almost as if, on Feb. 14, love isn't legitimately expressed if it doesn't take the form of stuffed teddy bears or decorative red boxes of chocolate or enormous bouquets of picture-perfect roses.

I think the key is trying to recapture the substance of the holiday. Start by giving careful thought to what makes your spouse feel loved. Maybe the traditional store-bought ideas really are the way to their heart. Or maybe they'd prefer a cozy night by the fireplace sipping hot chocolate. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to show your sweetheart how much he or she enriches your life -- and it's never wrong to celebrate that.

But it's also important that we make an effort to inject that same passion into our marriage on a regular basis. Husbands and wives have the opportunity to create romance every day of the year. We all have busy lives, so I know it's not easy. But if we're intentional about it, there are countless ways we can express our devotion. Maybe it's a date night, or a nice card, or just a quick email during the day to say, "I love you and I'm thinking about you." I can almost guarantee that something along those lines will mean more to your spouse in July or September than it does on Feb. 14!

Whatever you do, the important thing is to be intentional, thoughtful and heartfelt. Keeping the spark alive requires effort every day -- and it's worth it.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.