Q: My wife and I have been married about four years. The subject of buying our own home came up recently, but I'm not sure we're prepared for that kind of financial commitment. What should we consider?

Jim: The conventional wisdom for decades has been that owning a home is always superior to renting. But conventional wisdom can change with the times.

When deciding whether to buy or rent, you should take into account the nature of your occupation(s), the location, and your needs and goals. If your vocation requires you to move every two to five years, renting would probably be just as wise as purchasing. On the other hand, if your family wants to establish roots in a neighborhood, owning a house may be more appropriate than renting.

Experts advise that you resist the urge to jump immediately into a house purchase before having an emergency fund and a significant down payment. A good goal is to pay at least 20 percent of the purchase price as a down payment. This probably means that you should save a little longer to buy that first house than you expected.

If you're renting, rent shouldn't exceed 25 percent of your gross pay. However, there's more flexibility -- if you've overcommitted to a rent payment, you can usually change your circumstances fairly quickly. By comparison, you're usually better off to buy a house only if you expect to live in it for at least two years -- and the longer you stay, the more cost-effective your investment will be.

Owning a home may be an important part of the "American Dream," but use wisdom in deciding whether it's best for you.

Q: My daughter is a great kid, but she doesn't always see her own value. I believe in her; still, I sometimes have trouble communicating that to her. How can I build my child up?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Who and what we become is generally impacted by many people. Let's talk about three types of "builders" your child needs: investors, influencers and encouragers.

Who are the investors in your daughter's life? These are people who contribute their time, money, talents and advice. I had several coaches during my teen years who invested time in me. For example, I was awful at tennis in high school, but one coach believed in me and took time to help me become a better player. I eventually won a tennis scholarship my second year of college, because someone invested in me.

How about the positive influencers in your daughter's life? These are wise life decision-makers your daughter admires and trusts. They teach and model good examples. These may include friends, siblings, teachers, coaches, mentors and, of course, parents.

Who are encouragers in your daughter's life? These individuals' words propel us forward, reminding us of our value, purpose and direction. (Unfortunately, many of tend to pay more attention to the critics.) When I was in high school, my principal stopped me one day and said, "You're going to be a great leader someday." Those were profound fueling words. He may not remember that moment of encouragement, but I'll never forget it.

I urge you to commit to consistently investing in your daughter, positively influencing and persistently encouraging her along the way. And remind her to not give critics too much "microphone time" in her mind.

On a related note, Focus on the Family has developed a suicide prevention resource called Alive to Thrive (alivetothrive.focusonthefamily.com). It's a free and excellent resource to equip those who invest in, influence and encourage young people. I urge you to use this to help your community move in a healthier direction. Every life is important and precious!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I heard a speaker say recently that we should set goals for our relationships. I understand setting objectives for your career, health, finances, etc. But I'm not really tracking with how this could improve my marriage. What are your thoughts?

Jim: My wife, Jean, and I often talk to our sons about their goals. They usually mention things like grades or what they hope to achieve in sports. Those are great. But we like to encourage them to think outside the box. Like, what can they do to develop their character as well?

And that prompted Jean and me to do some thinking: setting goals for our marriage is a great idea, too.

We tend to discuss our relationship in terms of a theme. It could be "forgiveness" or "grace" or maybe "patience." Then we try to weave that theme into every part of our marriage. So not only will we actually try to be more patient with each other, but we also make it part of our conversation with each other for that season of life. And we talk regularly about how we see each other improving in that area. We cheer each other on, which brings us even closer together.

Of course, for a happy relationship you need something a little more inspiring than "staying together." So find ways to keep your interest in each other alive. Read books or watch movies you can discuss afterward. Have a common goal, like saving for that dream vacation. Even better, intentionally build character into your marriage. Be more considerate, more patient or more forgiving with each other. And share positive feedback as you each see the other grow.

Your marriage doesn't have to be an endless string of mundane days. Set some basic goals and work them into your relationship.

Q: I've come to dread Valentine's Day, and I think my wife feels the same. It's gotten so commercial. And don't get either of us started on the implied pressure to match other people's Instagram-perfect romantic gestures! What's your take?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A growing number of couples feel the commercialism surrounding Valentine's Day has reduced romance to a sack full of trinkets purchased at the last minute. It's almost as if, on Feb. 14, love isn't legitimately expressed if it doesn't take the form of stuffed teddy bears or decorative red boxes of chocolate or enormous bouquets of picture-perfect roses.

I think the key is trying to recapture the substance of the holiday. Start by giving careful thought to what makes your spouse feel loved. Maybe the traditional store-bought ideas really are the way to their heart. Or maybe they'd prefer a cozy night by the fireplace sipping hot chocolate. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to show your sweetheart how much he or she enriches your life -- and it's never wrong to celebrate that.

But it's also important that we make an effort to inject that same passion into our marriage on a regular basis. Husbands and wives have the opportunity to create romance every day of the year. We all have busy lives, so I know it's not easy. But if we're intentional about it, there are countless ways we can express our devotion. Maybe it's a date night, or a nice card, or just a quick email during the day to say, "I love you and I'm thinking about you." I can almost guarantee that something along those lines will mean more to your spouse in July or September than it does on Feb. 14!

Whatever you do, the important thing is to be intentional, thoughtful and heartfelt. Keeping the spark alive requires effort every day -- and it's worth it.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My mom is in her late 80s and needs assisted living care, but her assets are insufficient to cover the cost. My older sister and I are tightening our belts to help out. Our other (younger) sister and her husband say they can't contribute due to lack of financial resources. But they both have good jobs and healthy incomes. They buy expensive cars and go on extravagant annual vacations (which they have sometimes invited us to join). Meanwhile, we're helping out willingly but at great sacrifice. It's hard not to feel resentful. What should we do?

Jim: Much depends upon the relational dynamics within your family. Are you on good terms with the sister who isn't contributing to your mother's upkeep? (Since she's invited you to go on their vacations, that sounds fairly positive.) If so, you need to start talking about this.

It would probably be a good idea to bring all three sisters together for an honest conversation. Tell your younger sister what you're thinking and feeling and solicit her honest feedback. If you need help covering the cost of your mother's care, come right out and say so. It's best if all of you could sit down together and hash this out face to face. Only then will you be able to start cooperating as a team.

But if the relationship isn't conducive to this kind of healthy dialogue, you may have no choice except to resign yourself to the situation as it is. You can't control your sibling or tell her what to do, even when you think it's the right thing. You can only try to set a good example by doing what you believe to be right. If your sister would rather have new cars and exotic vacations, that's her choice. She's missing out on an important life experience in terms of accepting responsibility and honoring your mother -- but there probably isn't much you can do to convince her of that. She'll have to find it out for herself.

Q: How can I deal with my shortcomings as a parent? I love my family dearly and do my best, but I feel like I make a lot of mistakes with my kids.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Parenting has a way of sometimes highlighting our imperfections. Thankfully, being a good parent doesn't mean having to be a perfect parent. In fact, true success in parenting is about how you learn from and respond to the mistakes you inevitably will make.

When imperfection happens, I have learned to ask myself four key questions:

1. What happened (from both my perspective and my child's)?

2. What can I learn from what happened?

3. What will I do differently next time?

4. What's my next move to reconnect with my child and move forward?

As I've worked through these questions in specific parenting situations, I've also developed more and more empathy and understanding for other parents -- including my own.

Along the way, I've had plenty of opportunities to continue learning grace, forgiveness, humility, love and patience through my role as an imperfect dad. Even though we can drive each other nuts sometimes, as a family we've also come to understand one another at a very deep level, and that fosters genuine empathy and connection within our home.

You can become a better parent by taking advantage of specific parenting tools (like our organization's 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment, which you can find at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting). Find out where your strengths lie and maximize those. Learn what your weaknesses are and work to shore those up. And, as should be the case in every area of life, be ready to apologize and repair when needed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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