Q: I heard a speaker say recently that we should set goals for our relationships. I understand setting objectives for your career, health, finances, etc. But I'm not really tracking with how this could improve my marriage. What are your thoughts?

Jim: My wife, Jean, and I often talk to our sons about their goals. They usually mention things like grades or what they hope to achieve in sports. Those are great. But we like to encourage them to think outside the box. Like, what can they do to develop their character as well?

And that prompted Jean and me to do some thinking: setting goals for our marriage is a great idea, too.

We tend to discuss our relationship in terms of a theme. It could be "forgiveness" or "grace" or maybe "patience." Then we try to weave that theme into every part of our marriage. So not only will we actually try to be more patient with each other, but we also make it part of our conversation with each other for that season of life. And we talk regularly about how we see each other improving in that area. We cheer each other on, which brings us even closer together.

Of course, for a happy relationship you need something a little more inspiring than "staying together." So find ways to keep your interest in each other alive. Read books or watch movies you can discuss afterward. Have a common goal, like saving for that dream vacation. Even better, intentionally build character into your marriage. Be more considerate, more patient or more forgiving with each other. And share positive feedback as you each see the other grow.

Your marriage doesn't have to be an endless string of mundane days. Set some basic goals and work them into your relationship.

Q: I've come to dread Valentine's Day, and I think my wife feels the same. It's gotten so commercial. And don't get either of us started on the implied pressure to match other people's Instagram-perfect romantic gestures! What's your take?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A growing number of couples feel the commercialism surrounding Valentine's Day has reduced romance to a sack full of trinkets purchased at the last minute. It's almost as if, on Feb. 14, love isn't legitimately expressed if it doesn't take the form of stuffed teddy bears or decorative red boxes of chocolate or enormous bouquets of picture-perfect roses.

I think the key is trying to recapture the substance of the holiday. Start by giving careful thought to what makes your spouse feel loved. Maybe the traditional store-bought ideas really are the way to their heart. Or maybe they'd prefer a cozy night by the fireplace sipping hot chocolate. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to show your sweetheart how much he or she enriches your life -- and it's never wrong to celebrate that.

But it's also important that we make an effort to inject that same passion into our marriage on a regular basis. Husbands and wives have the opportunity to create romance every day of the year. We all have busy lives, so I know it's not easy. But if we're intentional about it, there are countless ways we can express our devotion. Maybe it's a date night, or a nice card, or just a quick email during the day to say, "I love you and I'm thinking about you." I can almost guarantee that something along those lines will mean more to your spouse in July or September than it does on Feb. 14!

Whatever you do, the important thing is to be intentional, thoughtful and heartfelt. Keeping the spark alive requires effort every day -- and it's worth it.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My mom is in her late 80s and needs assisted living care, but her assets are insufficient to cover the cost. My older sister and I are tightening our belts to help out. Our other (younger) sister and her husband say they can't contribute due to lack of financial resources. But they both have good jobs and healthy incomes. They buy expensive cars and go on extravagant annual vacations (which they have sometimes invited us to join). Meanwhile, we're helping out willingly but at great sacrifice. It's hard not to feel resentful. What should we do?

Jim: Much depends upon the relational dynamics within your family. Are you on good terms with the sister who isn't contributing to your mother's upkeep? (Since she's invited you to go on their vacations, that sounds fairly positive.) If so, you need to start talking about this.

It would probably be a good idea to bring all three sisters together for an honest conversation. Tell your younger sister what you're thinking and feeling and solicit her honest feedback. If you need help covering the cost of your mother's care, come right out and say so. It's best if all of you could sit down together and hash this out face to face. Only then will you be able to start cooperating as a team.

But if the relationship isn't conducive to this kind of healthy dialogue, you may have no choice except to resign yourself to the situation as it is. You can't control your sibling or tell her what to do, even when you think it's the right thing. You can only try to set a good example by doing what you believe to be right. If your sister would rather have new cars and exotic vacations, that's her choice. She's missing out on an important life experience in terms of accepting responsibility and honoring your mother -- but there probably isn't much you can do to convince her of that. She'll have to find it out for herself.

Q: How can I deal with my shortcomings as a parent? I love my family dearly and do my best, but I feel like I make a lot of mistakes with my kids.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Parenting has a way of sometimes highlighting our imperfections. Thankfully, being a good parent doesn't mean having to be a perfect parent. In fact, true success in parenting is about how you learn from and respond to the mistakes you inevitably will make.

When imperfection happens, I have learned to ask myself four key questions:

1. What happened (from both my perspective and my child's)?

2. What can I learn from what happened?

3. What will I do differently next time?

4. What's my next move to reconnect with my child and move forward?

As I've worked through these questions in specific parenting situations, I've also developed more and more empathy and understanding for other parents -- including my own.

Along the way, I've had plenty of opportunities to continue learning grace, forgiveness, humility, love and patience through my role as an imperfect dad. Even though we can drive each other nuts sometimes, as a family we've also come to understand one another at a very deep level, and that fosters genuine empathy and connection within our home.

You can become a better parent by taking advantage of specific parenting tools (like our organization's 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment, which you can find at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting). Find out where your strengths lie and maximize those. Learn what your weaknesses are and work to shore those up. And, as should be the case in every area of life, be ready to apologize and repair when needed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Some friends of ours recently suffered a miscarriage. We want to encourage them, but we're not sure what to say or do. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: Did you know that between 15 and 25 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage? With numbers that high, even if we never suffer the loss of a child ourselves, we probably know someone who will. And, yet, many people don't really understand how to come alongside a loved one who has experienced such a loss.

Author Dr. Teske Drake says the first step is to recognize that grief from a miscarriage can linger for months -- even years. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for family and friends to move on well before the couple does.

Next, be careful not to minimize people's experience. Avoid all the cliches that start with the phrase "At least ..." In other words, don't say, "At least your pregnancy only lasted six weeks." Or, "At least the baby is in a better place." Even if those things are true, they minimize the couple's loss. And comments like that never really help people endure the pain they're suffering.

And remember this important point: Husbands often struggle, too. They tend to get overlooked because most of the attention is directed toward the mother. But dads need comfort in their time of loss as well.

So if someone you know suffers a miscarriage, be sensitive. Couples who lose a child often feel like they've been stripped of their hopes and dreams. They need the long-term support of family and friends to process their loss and eventually move forward.

And for couples who have lost a child, we have resources to help -- including caring counselors who are happy to listen and offer insight; see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My new husband and I are excited about starting married life together. We have big plans for the next few years -- careers, starting a family, etc. -- but we also know we need to be realistic. Do you have any advice for prioritizing?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It's pretty common for young couples to want it all -- a family and career success. And that's not necessarily bad. More than anything, though, remember this: how you handle opportunities that come your way over the next few years will either benefit your family or harm it.

Let's say your spouse is up for a big promotion, but it will require your family to relocate to another state. How will that impact your career? How will it impact your children? Those are big decisions. As you work through them, keep a few things in mind.

First, complement each other. Note the difference: "compliment" (with an I) means "say nice things to and about each other." And that's important to do. But "complement" (with an E) means "work together as a team." Channel your competitiveness into your career, not your family. You and your spouse both bring something to the table that can help you decide how to best move forward.

Second, be flexible. Your responsibilities at home and at work will shift over time as the needs of your family change. Be willing to adapt.

Third, and most important of all, let the health of your marriage guide every decision you make. Career goals and a bigger earning potential are important considerations. But more zeroes on your paycheck won't improve a bad marriage.

Even if you've been married for a while, a healthy balance between your career and your family begins with the decisions you make today. Achieve all you can at work, but keep the health of your family a bigger priority.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.