Q: Some friends of ours recently suffered a miscarriage. We want to encourage them, but we're not sure what to say or do. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: Did you know that between 15 and 25 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage? With numbers that high, even if we never suffer the loss of a child ourselves, we probably know someone who will. And, yet, many people don't really understand how to come alongside a loved one who has experienced such a loss.

Author Dr. Teske Drake says the first step is to recognize that grief from a miscarriage can linger for months -- even years. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for family and friends to move on well before the couple does.

Next, be careful not to minimize people's experience. Avoid all the cliches that start with the phrase "At least ..." In other words, don't say, "At least your pregnancy only lasted six weeks." Or, "At least the baby is in a better place." Even if those things are true, they minimize the couple's loss. And comments like that never really help people endure the pain they're suffering.

And remember this important point: Husbands often struggle, too. They tend to get overlooked because most of the attention is directed toward the mother. But dads need comfort in their time of loss as well.

So if someone you know suffers a miscarriage, be sensitive. Couples who lose a child often feel like they've been stripped of their hopes and dreams. They need the long-term support of family and friends to process their loss and eventually move forward.

And for couples who have lost a child, we have resources to help -- including caring counselors who are happy to listen and offer insight; see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My new husband and I are excited about starting married life together. We have big plans for the next few years -- careers, starting a family, etc. -- but we also know we need to be realistic. Do you have any advice for prioritizing?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It's pretty common for young couples to want it all -- a family and career success. And that's not necessarily bad. More than anything, though, remember this: how you handle opportunities that come your way over the next few years will either benefit your family or harm it.

Let's say your spouse is up for a big promotion, but it will require your family to relocate to another state. How will that impact your career? How will it impact your children? Those are big decisions. As you work through them, keep a few things in mind.

First, complement each other. Note the difference: "compliment" (with an I) means "say nice things to and about each other." And that's important to do. But "complement" (with an E) means "work together as a team." Channel your competitiveness into your career, not your family. You and your spouse both bring something to the table that can help you decide how to best move forward.

Second, be flexible. Your responsibilities at home and at work will shift over time as the needs of your family change. Be willing to adapt.

Third, and most important of all, let the health of your marriage guide every decision you make. Career goals and a bigger earning potential are important considerations. But more zeroes on your paycheck won't improve a bad marriage.

Even if you've been married for a while, a healthy balance between your career and your family begins with the decisions you make today. Achieve all you can at work, but keep the health of your family a bigger priority.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our son and his wife have been married less than a year. Two months ago, his job was downsized, and they're starting to experience some real financial struggles while he looks for work. We have the means to help them, and are happy to, but we also want to avoid them becoming (or feeling) dependent on us. What do you suggest?

Jim: Your willingness to assist is encouraging, but I also think you're wise to do it carefully. There are several basic points to keep in mind.

First, be helpful in a way that doesn't dramatically change your son and daughter-in-law's lifestyle. Feel free to help occasionally with the cost of necessary items, like groceries or the electric bill. But don't shower them with luxuries. And especially don't offer monthly support. Routinely handing over money may ease a temporary need, but in the long run it's the surest way for your child to become overly reliant on you.

Next, offer assistance with no strings attached. A gift should be just that -- a gift, not an attempt (intended or perceived) to control your child's behavior. Don't use money as a way to get more phone calls or visits during the holidays. And don't give with a list of restrictions for how you expect them to spend the money. In the end, your kids may feel manipulated, and it could damage your relationship. So if you give, do it without strings attached.

Finally, respect your child's home and relationship. Don't undermine their desire to provide for themselves. And your support shouldn't cause (or amplify) conflict in their marriage.

Remember, the challenge is to balance your desire to help with what's best for your son and daughter-in-law's long-term well-being, as well as to protect your relationship along the way.

Q: How can I help my child care for others, not just herself? I've noticed she can be very sweet to friends when there's something in it for her, but she can treat them poorly when they don't have much to offer.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: It sounds like your daughter is more of a consumer than a connector.

Consumers of people approach others with the question, "What do you have for me?" Their relationships usually aren't very stable, and they are much more likely to be critical of others. Consumers are poor listeners. They expect others to earn their love and thus have shallow relationships.

On the other hand, connectors begin with the question, "What do you need from me?" Connectors listen well, value people just for who they are and want what's best for others. They tend to be encouragers and have more deeply rooted relationships.

The great news is that your daughter can learn to be a connector. Consider these as you model connection:

1. Listen first. Our minds are often distracted with our own cares and concerns. Pause to really hear what the other person is saying.

2. Be generous. Generosity isn't about giving money. You can be generous with your time or even smiles. It's especially important that we be generous with authentic, kind words.

3. Genuinely care. Ask questions, follow up, write a warm note and model how to care about other people. I know my kids love it when I follow up on something that was important to them. They appreciate that I cared enough to listen and remember.

4. Gain perspective. Many times we only care to look at things from our own viewpoint. Take time to see things from another perspective.

The world is full of consumers and people craving to be noticed. It desperately needs genuine, loving connectors. Look for ways to make and savor memorable connections in your family.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I have four kids, ranging in age from 8 to 2 months. Our youngest son was born with Down syndrome. We're doing our best to adjust as a family. But I'm concerned about the impact this might have on our older three children.

Jim: When a family has a child with special needs, everyone in the household is affected. But you also have the opportunity to learn love, show empathy and practice compassion in ways others might not. And you're discovering firsthand that the value of life isn't based on a person's physical or mental condition -- it's ascribed by God and inherent to every human being.

Our counselors suggest several things to keep in mind. First, like all parenting situations, you set the tone in your household. So intentionally create an environment where older children can identify and safely express their feelings. It's normal to feel sadness, disappointment and even anger at times -- and you must model a healthy balance with your own emotions.

Also, communicate value to each child. Realistically, you'll spend a lot of time tending to the needs of your youngest. But don't shortchange the others. While you may not always be able to give every child equal amounts of your time and energy, be intentional about activities that are important to each.

Third, don't make your other kids "caretakers" of the child with special needs. Older children can have an age-appropriate and valuable role in caring for younger siblings. But they also need the freedom to still be kids.

Finally, remember that a child with special needs is part of the family -- not the family. Don't be afraid to find a caregiver for the evening so the rest of you can take a break for an outing. And where possible, apply equal behavioral standards to all of your children. That gives them a sense of being treated fairly and encourages the one with special needs to develop self-control. Rules that apply to all help everyone feel they're on the same team.

Our counseling staff can offer further help and insight; feel free to call them at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My spouse and I love each other. Still, sometimes we really grate on each other's nerves. If one of us even accidentally does something that irritates the other, things get tense for a while. We both hate that. How do we maintain a healthy balance?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I heard a great story that illustrates a key point about grace and understanding. A family was sitting down to dinner. As Mom set the table, everything looked delicious -- until the kids noticed the biscuits were badly burnt. The weary mother apologized. But the father simply smiled at his wife, slathered the hockey pucks with some butter and ate without complaining. He even said aloud, "I love a burned biscuit now and again."

Later, one of his kids asked why he hadn't thrown the nearly inedible biscuits away. Dad replied, "Your mom had a long, hard day at work. And she's far more important to me than whether or not the food was a little charred."

Much of having a successful marriage is learning how to be patient with imperfection. After all, each of us is prone to mistakes -- and we can all use a smile instead of judgment when things aren't going well. A little grace can defuse a lot of conflict. In fact, many arguments might never get started in the first place if couples offered each other their support rather than anger.

So if your marriage serves you a burned biscuit, slather it with some love, understanding and grace. It'll make that minor inconvenience a lot easier to swallow.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.