Q: I'm a mom to 3 energetic young boys. I grew up with two sisters myself -- in other words, "just us girls" -- so the constant competition between my little guys has been a real shock to me. Should I encourage or discourage my sons' competitive nature?

Jim: Here's what I think. There are exceptions, of course, but most boys are wired to compete. Watch how a group of boys plays together sometime -- it's the same in every culture. If they don't have a game suitable to battle one another, they'll create one. They'll turn rocks and sticks into guns and swords, while wadded up T-shirts become balls for some new game they invent.

In their younger days, my own sons spent hours building fortresses out of Legos only to see who could destroy them with a well-thrown tennis ball. The Death Star and the Evil Empire were destroyed more times than I can count. They're teens now and still compete with each other -- and me!

But it's not all fun and games. Win or lose, the skills and discipline boys learn when they compete will be pivotal to them later when they're responsible for a career, a mortgage and a family of their own. Ultimately, raising boys is about raising confident men who are equipped to take on the world around them.

That's why I don't think it's helpful for parents to throttle their sons' competitive spirit. Instead, teach them how to harness their strength and to use it in productive ways that benefit not just themselves, but other people. Sure, they need boundaries, but don't be too heavy-handed with restrictions. Focus more on patience and instruction.

The goal isn't to hold your sons back, but to direct their path. A boy in competition is a man in training.

Q: I'm getting married soon. My fiance and I have been told to expect some "normal" disagreements. But we're worried we might fight about the wrong things. What topics are OK to argue about?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The list of issues a couple can disagree about is endless: money, in-laws, sex, who should do the laundry, etc. Both of you see the world through different eyes, so it's inevitable that you'll disagree on some things. But you can actually "fight your way to a better marriage" -- in fact (semi-shameless plug), my wife and I literally wrote the book by that title.

The key is that what you argue about is far less important than how you argue. Some couples fight with one goal in mind: winning the argument at all costs. Instead of listening or trying to understand each other's point of view, they go on the offensive and fight to get their own way. That's when things can get ugly with name-calling, criticism, or even verbal or physical threats. Those are all destructive behaviors that will scar your marriage long after your disagreement has been resolved or abandoned. You're attacking your spouse, not the problem.

A better idea is to pursue a solution that works as equitably as possible for both of you. You can work through almost anything if your ultimate goal is the health and well-being of your relationship. The more complicated the issue, the more important healthy choices become. You can be defensive, or you can be open to your spouse's feelings. You can be self-righteous, or you can be humble. You can be stubborn, or you can be understanding.

Winning an argument is a hollow victory if you're wrecking your marriage in the process. Make a strong relationship your goal. Attack the problem, not each other. We have resources to help (including counseling referrals) at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Since school started this year, my two "tweens" seem to be increasingly irritable. They tell me they love school and all of the activities they're involved in; they have plenty of friends, etc. But every morning seems to be a battle to get them both going and out the door without setting off a tantrum. Do you have any advice?

Jim: It's possible that your children might be getting caught in the "fatigue whirlpool." That's what researchers call the downward spiral of poor sleep and poor behavior that disrupts a lot of households.

You'll know you're in danger if your kids' schedules are so jam-packed that they fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, then barely drag themselves out of bed for school the next morning. Sooner or later, fatigue will set in, and their attitude will start to spiral. Once that happens, you're in the fatigue whirlpool, where lack of sleep and poor behavior feed off each other.

The solution is to adjust your kids' schedule and to help them get more sleep. Experts say that children need nine or 10 hours of sleep to be at their best. That might not be possible every night, but when kids are well-rested, they'll think more clearly and feel more engaged.

Also, a "lights out" policy at bedtime can help your children fall asleep faster. Light exposure suppresses melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep. Turn off the lights, the screens and all of those illuminated gadgets in your kids' room. A night light or a small lamp is OK, but the darker the room, the better. I have our teens charge electronics overnight in the kitchen.

Think about routines, think about consistency and think about timing. Those are the keys to get out of the fatigue whirlpool.

Q: I loved to read when I was growing up, especially imaginative stories. Now my own teenagers think cracking open a book is uncool. Why do you think that's happening, and do you have any suggestions?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: Johannes Gutenberg's invention of the printing press in 1440 changed our world. It took reading out of the hands of elites and put it into the hands of everyday folks. Books have been one of life's greatest pleasures ever since. No longer hand-scribed on parchment, these printed volumes educated, unified and entertained the masses while occasionally changing nations (think "Uncle Tom's Cabin"). And until about 100 years ago, books reigned supreme in occupying free time.

But let's face it: There really wasn't much competition back then. Sure, there were symphonies, plays, operas and orators, but no one had to choose between the latest superhero movie or "Moby Dick"; playing "Fortnite" or reading "A Tale of Two Cities"; posting selfies on Instagram or checking out "Anna Karenina."

Maybe it's partly the appeal of screens to visual learners. Maybe it's the sensory rush of computer graphics over the imagination within our own minds.

Here's what I know: Teenagers do still read. But treasured classics of yesteryear often gather dust while the latest young adult novel (often with lots of problematic content) moves to the top of teens' reading lists (if there's a list at all). Meanwhile, misspelled texts and empty social media substitute for C.S. Lewis and Harper Lee.

That said, I have a suggestion to bring back book consumption in the home. I think parents would be wise to implement a system in which, let's say, 30 minutes of reading a classic translates into 30 minutes of screen time. Not only would this increase book reading -- and learning, of course -- but decrease the nearly nine hours of screen time adolescents engage in per day. (For reviews of many popular books, see pluggedin.com.)

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My two kids enjoy sports and are pretty good athletes. But if they do have a bad game, I'm never sure what to say to encourage them afterward. I just don't seem to have the right words or advice in the moment. Do you have any insights?

Jim: This is one of the real challenges of raising young athletes -- regardless of their skill level. What a lot of parents do is offer their child pointers for how they can do better next time. But kids aren't looking for critiques of their pitching or reminders to grab those rebounds when the dust hasn't had time to settle yet. Even well-intentioned remarks about "doing better next time" aren't that helpful.

Once the sting wears off, your child will probably be open to your suggestions for how they can improve their game. But the car ride home usually isn't the best time for a verbal highlight reel of their mistakes.

Try this. After the game, as they're shuffling back to the car with their head hung low, put an arm around them and say, "I sure love watching you play." That's it. Those words will tell your child that you love and support them, even when they lose or don't play very well.

That message -- that you love them and enjoy being with them, no matter how they perform -- is a key to reinforcing the relationship that goes far beyond sports. And it sets the tone for how you can help later. When they are finally ready to rehash the game, listen much more than you speak.

On a broader scale, a couple of years ago I was privileged to interview authors David King (a college athletic director) and Margot Starbuck (soccer mom and former athlete) about their book "Overplayed: A Parent's Guide to Sanity in the World of Youth Sports." It's a faith-based resource that's filled with helpful insights for any sports-loving family and might be worth checking out.

Q: My wife and I entered marriage three years ago with high hopes. We both thought we were well-prepared with plans for what we wanted our relationship to be. But so far we haven't found the balance we desire. What can we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I hear this sort of question a lot. In many cases, the problem may be one of extremes.

Probably the most significant influence for how we behave in our marriage comes from our upbringing. For example, people raised in a troubled home likely grew up with parents who constantly fought with one another. When that child becomes an adult, they may do everything they can to avoid interacting as their parents did -- like refusing to engage in conflict even if it means they never express their opinion in the relationship.

But there's also a downside to growing up with a mom and dad who never allowed their conflict to be seen. Kids from these homes often feel their relationship has to be a carbon copy of their parents'. And when that first disagreement pops up in their marriage? They feel like failures and believe their marriage is doomed.

Allowing your expectations to swing to either extreme can kill your relationship. The best solution is to find healthy middle ground. In other words, don't focus on running from the negativity of your past. But don't waste all of your energy trying to re-create the good parts, either.

Every marriage is unique. You and your spouse need to find an identity for your relationship that best fits your personalities. It's the only way to build a successful marriage.

For more insights into healthy relationships, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.