Q: My daughter is starting to go through puberty. As a dad, I'm suddenly paranoid about how I interact with her. We've always been close and "huggy," but now I wonder how/if I can show her affection appropriately. What's your take?

Jim: This question strikes close to home because of what my wife experienced. When Jean and I first got married, she struggled with physical touch, like holding hands and hugging. We talked about it on several occasions; one day, she finally realized why touch was so difficult for her. Jean's father started withdrawing physical affection from her when she was 12 or 13. She remembers her mother telling her father, "Honey, your girls are blossoming. It's not appropriate for you to touch them or hug them."

That happens in a lot of households. Dads stop showing affection to their daughters because they believe -- or they've been told -- that it's not appropriate. As well-meaning as that idea may be, withdrawing your affection sends your daughters a confusing message. They'll wonder, "What's wrong with me? Why doesn't Dad want to be close to me? Why doesn't Dad love me?"

Your daughter might feel like you're turning your back on her, or that you aren't interested in being around her anymore. That can inflict a deep emotional wound that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. It could even affect her ability to enjoy her marriage with her husband someday.

Dads, if you or your daughter feels self-conscious about the way she's developing, then find ways to communicate your affection that you both find acceptable. You certainly want your daughter to feel comfortable, but don't withhold your affection entirely. Your daughter needs you.

Q: My boyfriend and I are starting to think pretty seriously about our future together. Presuming we continue to move toward marriage, we want to do everything we can to strengthen our relationship. I've heard people talk about premarital counseling. When should we do that?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many people will tell you that one of the most important things you and your fiance can do before getting married is to get premarital counseling -- and I agree. But what about pre-engagement counseling?

Believe it or not, getting counseling before you're engaged might be one of the most important things you can do to ensure the future health of your relationship. Think about it: By the time a couple actually gets engaged, they're far less inclined to take an in-depth, honest look at their relationship. In many cases, they've already bought the rings, reserved the church and sent out the invitations. Because they've already invested so much, and because there's often a social stigma associated with breaking off an engagement, many engaged couples would rather just coast along than take an honest look at one another's character flaws and other issues that could cause trouble down the road.

Here's my suggestion: If you've been dating someone for more than six months and feel that your relationship might be headed toward engagement and marriage, it would be a great idea to set up a few counseling sessions with a good marriage and family therapist.

This is not an admission that there's something seriously wrong with your relationship. Rather, it's a commitment on both of your parts to make your relationship the best it can possibly be before taking the next step. Look at it this way: Investing in pre-engagement counseling now could save you the pain and expense of a divorce later on.

We have loads of resources (including a counseling referral network) to help couples at any stage -- dating, engaged and married -- at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: A friend of mine claims he's heard that having an affair can actually spice up your marriage. That sounds wrong to me, but I'm not really sure what to say to him. What's your take?

Jim: Having an affair will certainly NOT "spice up" the relationship. Infidelity has been described as a nuclear bomb detonating within a marriage. From the people I've known who've suffered through an affair, that imagery seems entirely appropriate. The effects on everyone involved are devastating.

Affairs are driven almost exclusively by emotion. The euphoria and excitement of infidelity is intoxicating. In fact, "intoxication" is a perfect descriptor because, at their core, affairs are virtually identical to alcohol and drug addiction. Neither addiction nor infidelity is a rational, logical solution to life's challenges. They're both attempts at escaping reality.

We all have legitimate desires for love and significance. But filling those needs with the emotional "high" of an affair is an illusion. You're not in love with a human being; you're in love with the fantasy of what you wish your relationship could be. The truth is that if the other person doesn't truly know you, they can't truly love you. What they love about you is no deeper than the surface. It's not the real, authentic you who can be known only through years of a healthy, intimate relationship. And just like every addiction, it'll only leave you feeling empty when it's over.

So, I would say to your friend: "Maybe you're struggling in your marriage, and the idea of an affair has crossed your mind. Or maybe you're already in one, and you feel trapped. Let me urge you to seek the help of a professional counselor now. There is still hope. Your marriage and your life can be restored."

Our counselors can help; see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: As a recently remarried stepparent, what can I do to make the transition to blended family life as smooth as possible for my children, my spouse's kids and everyone else concerned?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: The task of building a successful blended family is challenging and complicated. Even under the most ideal circumstances, it takes lots of time. So the most important thing is to be patient.

It's crucial to have realistic goals; don't expect to become "The Brady Bunch" overnight. Also, allow sufficient room for grieving. The kids in particular should have permission to mourn the breakup of their original family and the loss of everything that went along with it -- their house, neighborhood, friends, school, etc.

In all you do, try your best to give lots of affection to everyone in your new family. That means spending time alone with your spouse, working on your "couple" relationship, and making marital intimacy and communication a priority.

Meanwhile, since you've both brought children into the marriage, be sure to continue devoting plenty of attention to your own kids, so they don't feel abandoned in your attempt to bond with your new stepchildren. When you do show affection to your stepchildren, don't try to "prove yourself" to them, and don't make them feel as if they have to "earn" your love. Be patient as they catch up with their parent's decision to love this new person and go through their own process of deciding how to love you.

Finally, make an intentional effort to begin building a history together. Family bonding involves common experiences and shared memories. So start looking for ways to build a sense of "us" and "we" in your new home. Plan trips. Play games. Establish holiday traditions. Take lots of pictures. Don't try to erase memories of the "old" family; simply work hard to build a new one together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: With three young children in the house, I'm trying to create order by setting rules. But every time I turn around, it seems like I need to set a new rule. How many should I have?

Jim: There's much to be said for setting guidelines and boundaries; that helps everyone in the family. But it's also easy to overdo it.

I heard about one mom who finally decided to write her rules down. It took her days to remember them all, and she ended up with six full pages. She had close to a hundred rules, and several even had subpoints. She thought creating guidelines for almost every area of life would make it easier for her children to behave. Instead, she was making it harder.

Having too many rules sets children up for failure. When there are so many plates to keep spinning, they'll constantly feel defeated. Sooner or later, frustration will set in, and your children's behavior will get worse, not better.

Here's a tip for measuring if you have too many rules: If you can't keep track of all of the household standards, your children don't stand a chance of remembering them, either.

How many rules should you have? There's not a magic number, but it's best to limit yourself to only what your children can remember and handle at their age. Less is more for parents, too. It helps you focus on what truly matters to your child's well-being.

To some extent, many rules can simply be situational interpretations of the "Golden Rule," which can be paraphrased as: Treat other people the way you want to be treated yourself. Making that your overall household standard allows for adaptation to each individual scenario as it arises.

However many rules you end up with, just remember that too many can be counterproductive. But a reasonable number can guide your child toward personal growth and greater maturity.

Q: I've been married for eight years. My wife and I are trying to get back into the habit of regular "just us" dates. But we enjoy spending time with friends, too. How do we balance it all?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Married couples need to spend a lot of one-on-one time together. But you also need to surround yourselves with other couples who can positively influence your relationship and help strengthen it.

Your marriage is not an island. You need to interact with other couples -- to invest in their lives and for them to invest in yours. This is especially important because so many people live far away from members of their extended family and can't benefit from their influence. If you don't have family support, the influence of good friends is invaluable.

That's why it's so helpful to double date with other couples. There's no hard-and-fast rule for how often, but making one out of every four dates a double date is a pretty reasonable goal. If you date your spouse once a week (which I think is the optimum), that's one double date a month. But if you and your spouse only go out once a month, you'll still squeeze in three double dates a year. That may not sound like much, but don't underestimate the impact it can make.

Relationships with other couples can help keep your marriage healthy, but they'll be especially invaluable if your marriage hits a rough spot. During troubled times, couples tend to isolate. Friendships will give your marriage a strong shoulder to lean on and help you get through the painful times you're facing.

As individuals and as couples, we need the support and influence of others. For more ideas to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.