Q: My wife and I have been married for a few years, and our relationship is already starting to seem a little stale. Is that normal? It bothers both of us, but we’re not sure what to do about it.

Jim: I understand. When Jean and I first started dating, I lived in San Diego, and she lived in Orange County. Without giving it a second thought, I’d often drive 90 miles to bring her dinner while she was at work. During our courting days, I was willing to inconvenience myself to show my interest. But fast forward to the early years of our marriage, and something had changed: I couldn’t be bothered to run an errand for her down the street, and I was easily distracted by work.

We all do that, don’t we? Once we’re married, we stop pursuing our spouse like we did when we were dating. It’s human nature. But it’s also a reason why many couples fall “out of love” -- they stop listening to each other and serving one another.

It’s as if we think saying “I love you” one time should last forever. The truth is that love has a shelf life. It has to be renewed every single day -- not once a month or once a year. We can’t bank on that big vacation we took last year or that romantic gesture we made last month. We need to actively show our love to each other every day.

So if your marriage isn’t what it used to be, fall back in love by treating your spouse with the same kind of dedication as you did when you were first dating. Give them your attention, listen to them, and make them a priority in your life once again. Restore the passion you once had when your relationship was new, and your feelings of love will grow.

To help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I’m ashamed to admit that I lose my temper with my young kids occasionally. It’s usually not that extreme, and we all seem to get over it fairly quickly. But I’m wondering: is this a problem?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I’m sure you love your children. And if you’re like most parents, those outbursts may not be directly related to your kids themselves. We all tend to let stress and anger build up, and then something minor -- like a spilled glass of milk -- sets us off.

Sometimes we may feel like our children think the world revolves around them. Believe it or not, they actually do think that. But it’s not because of a lack of discipline; it’s a product of their development. A young child’s brain is not capable of understanding experiences outside of its own perspective. And that’s exactly why anger toward kids can be so damaging.

When a parent screams, children are not able to rationally process the situation and think, “My parent may be angry, but this isn’t my fault.” Instead, children will immediately feel they’re to blame. And if the home environment consistently reinforces that message, the child’s sense of worth will deteriorate.

A child who grows up in a loving environment will know they’re valuable and loved, even though they make mistakes. Children living under a cloud of anger and harshness, on the other hand, eventually see themselves as a mistake -- that they’re unlovable and without value.

Almost every parent loses their temper at some point, of course. Fortunately, children rebound from occasional outbursts. But frequent anger is damaging.

If you’re struggling with anger, I encourage you to get help. You can start by speaking with one of our counselors by calling us at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Do kids really change your life -- and your marriage -- as much as people claim they do? My spouse and I have been thinking about starting a family, but we're nervous about "taking the plunge."

Jim: The short answer is yes. Children will change your life. In the beginning it will be mostly interrupted schedules and loss of sleep. Later on, you'll encounter potty training, discipline and the first day of school. Before you know it, you'll be saving for college and giving up a new car for braces.

The more important question, though, is the one you didn't ask: Are the changes worth it? Here again I have to say yes! Kids will cause big changes. But they also add a new dimension of joy and fulfillment you can't find anywhere else. So, if you're assuming that parenthood is so unpleasant that you should abandon those plans, I'd encourage you to think again. Children are more than just a responsibility and a blessing. They're also an opportunity to learn, grow and experience adventures you haven't yet dreamed about.

There are some things you can do to cushion yourselves from the shock. Start by being prepared to adjust your assumptions. You need to be open to letting go of your desire to be in control. There are many unforeseen challenges of parenthood, and you'll have to give up some of your usual activities in order to provide the structure your children need.

You'll also need to be ready and willing to make sacrifices. The truth is you'll lose some of your freedoms if you choose to be parents. If you and your spouse can't picture making sacrifices, this may not be the right time to have kids. That can lead to resenting your child because of the things you gave up for their sake. If you're thinking of taking the parental plunge, move forward with your eyes wide open -- remembering that most parents find the joys well worth the sacrifices.

While you're adjusting, remember to give your marriage the attention it needs and deserves. When kids come along, you'll have to work harder at keeping your relationship strong and healthy. When you are intentional about connecting, you'll grow as a couple. You'll still need outlets such as dating and spending time with friends, but they'll look different than in the past. If finances are tight, try window-shopping, hiking or coffee at the kitchen table. The important thing is that you're together -- and that you don't spend the whole time talking about the baby.

Be prepared to lose sleep. During your child's infancy, you may have to get up several times a night. During this stage, both of you are likely to be sleep-deprived, so be ready to see each other at your worst. When the two of you are required to fill the roles of full-time parents and spouses, your flaws will probably surface more often. So keep your eyes open, and decide now to make your spouse's needs more important than your own.

Take heart: If you're courageous enough to tackle the challenge of raising kids, things will get easier eventually. The demands of parenting change throughout a child's lifespan. As they get older, sleeping through the night may become more common, but there will still be new challenges. Parenting will never be stress-free, but there's a deep satisfaction that comes from watching your children grow and change, and developing an adult friendship with them.

Obviously, we can't touch on every aspect of this question in a brief response of this nature. If you'd like some extra guidance from our counselors, I invite you to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357), or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm about to retire after a challenging but satisfying business career. I'm concerned about keeping my mind sharp now that I won't be dealing with complex details every day. Any suggestions?

Jim: As we grow older, keeping our brains healthy becomes an important part of enjoying a fulfilling lifestyle. Fortunately, there are some things we can do to maintain a healthy mind throughout life.

According to our organization's Physicians Resource Council, the first step is to get active and stay active. Exercise promotes good blood flow in the brain, which research shows can stimulate production of new brain cells. Both of these outcomes help stave off cognitive decline.

Second, eat a healthy diet. The same dietary issues that contribute to cholesterol-clogged arteries in the heart can also raise the risk of problems such as stroke. Most experts recommend food that's both rich in antioxidants and that can help maintain healthy weight.

Next, stay connected. Research indicates social engagement reduces stress and provides protection against dementia. Social support can be found in many places, including church, work and volunteer opportunities. And there's enormous mutual benefit in connecting with younger generations -- they gain from your experience and wisdom, and you can be energized by their enthusiasm and creativity.

Finally, exercise your brain. Reading, writing, doing puzzles, playing memory games, learning to play an instrument, enrolling in a course at a local community college -- these are all great ways to keep your mind active. Such mental activity appears to prevent the loss of brain cells and may even spur formation of new ones.

Few things are as precious as our health. So it's worth the investment to be proactive and boost your chances for maintaining a strong mind.

For more tips on living a healthy and productive lifestyle as you age, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My kids seem to have problems with self-control. Their pediatrician says they don't have ADHD or anything like that, but they often act impulsively, irritating each other and getting in trouble at school. How can I help them develop a little more discipline?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Self-control is a trait that everyone needs to learn and develop. The process of teaching self-control involves monitoring our children, much like paying attention to a car's indicator lights and gauges. If the fuel gauge is on empty (they're hungry or thirsty), it may be time for your child to get a healthy snack or take a drink of water. If the speedometer is too high (life may be too busy), it may be time to slow down. If the temperature is too high (emotions are running hot), a break may be necessary to bring things back down to a manageable and more peaceful level.

There are at least three simple and practical ways you can practice, model and teach self-control:

1. Demonstrate, teach and provide consistent and clear boundaries and limits. Parents themselves often have the greatest difficulty modeling boundaries in the areas of technology, media, money and food.

2. Point out when you see your children using self-control. Kids love positive feedback in response to proper behavior. It gives them a clearer picture of what you're looking for when you talk about self-control.

3. Teach the power of "rewind." Here's a great phrase to use: "You can try that again, but this time with respect." We're all imperfect and make mistakes, so we all need rewinds in our lives every once in a while.

Self-control in childhood is an accurate predictor for success later in life, so do your best to model and build this essential skill.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.