Q: Do kids really change your life -- and your marriage -- as much as people claim they do? My spouse and I have been thinking about starting a family, but we're nervous about "taking the plunge."

Jim: The short answer is yes. Children will change your life. In the beginning it will be mostly interrupted schedules and loss of sleep. Later on, you'll encounter potty training, discipline and the first day of school. Before you know it, you'll be saving for college and giving up a new car for braces.

The more important question, though, is the one you didn't ask: Are the changes worth it? Here again I have to say yes! Kids will cause big changes. But they also add a new dimension of joy and fulfillment you can't find anywhere else. So, if you're assuming that parenthood is so unpleasant that you should abandon those plans, I'd encourage you to think again. Children are more than just a responsibility and a blessing. They're also an opportunity to learn, grow and experience adventures you haven't yet dreamed about.

There are some things you can do to cushion yourselves from the shock. Start by being prepared to adjust your assumptions. You need to be open to letting go of your desire to be in control. There are many unforeseen challenges of parenthood, and you'll have to give up some of your usual activities in order to provide the structure your children need.

You'll also need to be ready and willing to make sacrifices. The truth is you'll lose some of your freedoms if you choose to be parents. If you and your spouse can't picture making sacrifices, this may not be the right time to have kids. That can lead to resenting your child because of the things you gave up for their sake. If you're thinking of taking the parental plunge, move forward with your eyes wide open -- remembering that most parents find the joys well worth the sacrifices.

While you're adjusting, remember to give your marriage the attention it needs and deserves. When kids come along, you'll have to work harder at keeping your relationship strong and healthy. When you are intentional about connecting, you'll grow as a couple. You'll still need outlets such as dating and spending time with friends, but they'll look different than in the past. If finances are tight, try window-shopping, hiking or coffee at the kitchen table. The important thing is that you're together -- and that you don't spend the whole time talking about the baby.

Be prepared to lose sleep. During your child's infancy, you may have to get up several times a night. During this stage, both of you are likely to be sleep-deprived, so be ready to see each other at your worst. When the two of you are required to fill the roles of full-time parents and spouses, your flaws will probably surface more often. So keep your eyes open, and decide now to make your spouse's needs more important than your own.

Take heart: If you're courageous enough to tackle the challenge of raising kids, things will get easier eventually. The demands of parenting change throughout a child's lifespan. As they get older, sleeping through the night may become more common, but there will still be new challenges. Parenting will never be stress-free, but there's a deep satisfaction that comes from watching your children grow and change, and developing an adult friendship with them.

Obviously, we can't touch on every aspect of this question in a brief response of this nature. If you'd like some extra guidance from our counselors, I invite you to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357), or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm about to retire after a challenging but satisfying business career. I'm concerned about keeping my mind sharp now that I won't be dealing with complex details every day. Any suggestions?

Jim: As we grow older, keeping our brains healthy becomes an important part of enjoying a fulfilling lifestyle. Fortunately, there are some things we can do to maintain a healthy mind throughout life.

According to our organization's Physicians Resource Council, the first step is to get active and stay active. Exercise promotes good blood flow in the brain, which research shows can stimulate production of new brain cells. Both of these outcomes help stave off cognitive decline.

Second, eat a healthy diet. The same dietary issues that contribute to cholesterol-clogged arteries in the heart can also raise the risk of problems such as stroke. Most experts recommend food that's both rich in antioxidants and that can help maintain healthy weight.

Next, stay connected. Research indicates social engagement reduces stress and provides protection against dementia. Social support can be found in many places, including church, work and volunteer opportunities. And there's enormous mutual benefit in connecting with younger generations -- they gain from your experience and wisdom, and you can be energized by their enthusiasm and creativity.

Finally, exercise your brain. Reading, writing, doing puzzles, playing memory games, learning to play an instrument, enrolling in a course at a local community college -- these are all great ways to keep your mind active. Such mental activity appears to prevent the loss of brain cells and may even spur formation of new ones.

Few things are as precious as our health. So it's worth the investment to be proactive and boost your chances for maintaining a strong mind.

For more tips on living a healthy and productive lifestyle as you age, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My kids seem to have problems with self-control. Their pediatrician says they don't have ADHD or anything like that, but they often act impulsively, irritating each other and getting in trouble at school. How can I help them develop a little more discipline?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Self-control is a trait that everyone needs to learn and develop. The process of teaching self-control involves monitoring our children, much like paying attention to a car's indicator lights and gauges. If the fuel gauge is on empty (they're hungry or thirsty), it may be time for your child to get a healthy snack or take a drink of water. If the speedometer is too high (life may be too busy), it may be time to slow down. If the temperature is too high (emotions are running hot), a break may be necessary to bring things back down to a manageable and more peaceful level.

There are at least three simple and practical ways you can practice, model and teach self-control:

1. Demonstrate, teach and provide consistent and clear boundaries and limits. Parents themselves often have the greatest difficulty modeling boundaries in the areas of technology, media, money and food.

2. Point out when you see your children using self-control. Kids love positive feedback in response to proper behavior. It gives them a clearer picture of what you're looking for when you talk about self-control.

3. Teach the power of "rewind." Here's a great phrase to use: "You can try that again, but this time with respect." We're all imperfect and make mistakes, so we all need rewinds in our lives every once in a while.

Self-control in childhood is an accurate predictor for success later in life, so do your best to model and build this essential skill.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Since my daughter became a teenager, it feels like I'm raising a little monster. I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I just want to pull away and separate from all the drama. What do you suggest?

Jim: I've got two teens in the house, so I understand. That sweet little toddler who used to meet you at the front door every night after work doesn't even want to be in the same room with you now.

But remember this when your teenager's attitude makes home life feel like a monster movie: Just help her get through it. A teen's emotions are often in turmoil, which can make them easily angered and irritated. (Just think back to how you felt at that age.) That means you'll have to work hard to maintain boundaries and respect in the home.

Of course, if your child's behavior is dangerous or out of control, seek professional help. Otherwise, understand that this time in your daughter's life has to run its course. And, most of the time, it will. Your job is to help her keep her outer life stable despite the emotions she's feeling inside. And someday, she'll thank you for it.

For more tips on helping teens thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I have never understood movie ratings -- especially what standards are used to decide how a film is rated. And who makes that decision? Can you explain the process?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: While the folks at the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) wear a lot of hats, they're best known for rating films for content issues with the familiar G, PG, PG-13, R or NC-17. But here's some history: Long before these letter-ratings existed, early MPAA pioneers drafted a self-regulatory ethics list in 1930, known as the Production (or Hays) Code, outlining dos and don'ts concerning what could be shown in all American movies.

The 1930 Hays Code specifically prohibited nudity, profanity, illegal drug use, clear depiction of violent crime, etc. It can best be summarized by its first General Principle: "No picture shall be produced which will lower the moral standards of those who see it." (For the record, though, it also exhibited contemporary racial bias.)

Obviously, those guidelines didn't hold up as studios continually pushed the envelope. Finally, in 1968, the MPAA transitioned to the familiar system of letter-ratings, which advise viewers of roughly what a movie does portray (instead of mandating what it can or can't).

Fortunately, there are still films today that uphold the mostly forgotten standards of yesteryear. Many don't, of course, and as a result really do "lower the moral standards of those who see (them)."

What's more, today's anonymous group of MPAA reviewers -- which sadly represents (primarily) the interests of the major studios -- uses nebulous "criteria" for ratings that leave me scratching my head most of the time. For instance, the MPAA's PG-13 is the group's way of communicating that you should be perfectly comfortable letting your child view any film so rated once he hits his 13th birthday. I take issue with that because (1) not all 13-year-olds have the same maturity, and (2) a lot of what passes for "family fare" these days would have been rated R just a handful of years ago -- by the same group!

Since the MPAA's ratings basically can't be trusted, a better approach -- although I run the risk here of coming across self-serving -- is utilizing an online resource like our very own PluggedIn.com, which spells out objectionable content. We don't tell you to go or not to go; we just equip you with the detailed information of what's in a film (music, TV and games, too), so you can decide for yourself.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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