parenting

Staying Active and Connected Are Key to a Healthy Retirement

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | September 23rd, 2018

Q: I'm about to retire after a challenging but satisfying business career. I'm concerned about keeping my mind sharp now that I won't be dealing with complex details every day. Any suggestions?

Jim: As we grow older, keeping our brains healthy becomes an important part of enjoying a fulfilling lifestyle. Fortunately, there are some things we can do to maintain a healthy mind throughout life.

According to our organization's Physicians Resource Council, the first step is to get active and stay active. Exercise promotes good blood flow in the brain, which research shows can stimulate production of new brain cells. Both of these outcomes help stave off cognitive decline.

Second, eat a healthy diet. The same dietary issues that contribute to cholesterol-clogged arteries in the heart can also raise the risk of problems such as stroke. Most experts recommend food that's both rich in antioxidants and that can help maintain healthy weight.

Next, stay connected. Research indicates social engagement reduces stress and provides protection against dementia. Social support can be found in many places, including church, work and volunteer opportunities. And there's enormous mutual benefit in connecting with younger generations -- they gain from your experience and wisdom, and you can be energized by their enthusiasm and creativity.

Finally, exercise your brain. Reading, writing, doing puzzles, playing memory games, learning to play an instrument, enrolling in a course at a local community college -- these are all great ways to keep your mind active. Such mental activity appears to prevent the loss of brain cells and may even spur formation of new ones.

Few things are as precious as our health. So it's worth the investment to be proactive and boost your chances for maintaining a strong mind.

For more tips on living a healthy and productive lifestyle as you age, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My kids seem to have problems with self-control. Their pediatrician says they don't have ADHD or anything like that, but they often act impulsively, irritating each other and getting in trouble at school. How can I help them develop a little more discipline?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Self-control is a trait that everyone needs to learn and develop. The process of teaching self-control involves monitoring our children, much like paying attention to a car's indicator lights and gauges. If the fuel gauge is on empty (they're hungry or thirsty), it may be time for your child to get a healthy snack or take a drink of water. If the speedometer is too high (life may be too busy), it may be time to slow down. If the temperature is too high (emotions are running hot), a break may be necessary to bring things back down to a manageable and more peaceful level.

There are at least three simple and practical ways you can practice, model and teach self-control:

1. Demonstrate, teach and provide consistent and clear boundaries and limits. Parents themselves often have the greatest difficulty modeling boundaries in the areas of technology, media, money and food.

2. Point out when you see your children using self-control. Kids love positive feedback in response to proper behavior. It gives them a clearer picture of what you're looking for when you talk about self-control.

3. Teach the power of "rewind." Here's a great phrase to use: "You can try that again, but this time with respect." We're all imperfect and make mistakes, so we all need rewinds in our lives every once in a while.

Self-control in childhood is an accurate predictor for success later in life, so do your best to model and build this essential skill.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Teen Daughter's Mood Swings a Phase She'll Soon Outgrow

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | September 16th, 2018

Q: Since my daughter became a teenager, it feels like I'm raising a little monster. I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I just want to pull away and separate from all the drama. What do you suggest?

Jim: I've got two teens in the house, so I understand. That sweet little toddler who used to meet you at the front door every night after work doesn't even want to be in the same room with you now.

But remember this when your teenager's attitude makes home life feel like a monster movie: Just help her get through it. A teen's emotions are often in turmoil, which can make them easily angered and irritated. (Just think back to how you felt at that age.) That means you'll have to work hard to maintain boundaries and respect in the home.

Of course, if your child's behavior is dangerous or out of control, seek professional help. Otherwise, understand that this time in your daughter's life has to run its course. And, most of the time, it will. Your job is to help her keep her outer life stable despite the emotions she's feeling inside. And someday, she'll thank you for it.

For more tips on helping teens thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I have never understood movie ratings -- especially what standards are used to decide how a film is rated. And who makes that decision? Can you explain the process?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: While the folks at the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) wear a lot of hats, they're best known for rating films for content issues with the familiar G, PG, PG-13, R or NC-17. But here's some history: Long before these letter-ratings existed, early MPAA pioneers drafted a self-regulatory ethics list in 1930, known as the Production (or Hays) Code, outlining dos and don'ts concerning what could be shown in all American movies.

The 1930 Hays Code specifically prohibited nudity, profanity, illegal drug use, clear depiction of violent crime, etc. It can best be summarized by its first General Principle: "No picture shall be produced which will lower the moral standards of those who see it." (For the record, though, it also exhibited contemporary racial bias.)

Obviously, those guidelines didn't hold up as studios continually pushed the envelope. Finally, in 1968, the MPAA transitioned to the familiar system of letter-ratings, which advise viewers of roughly what a movie does portray (instead of mandating what it can or can't).

Fortunately, there are still films today that uphold the mostly forgotten standards of yesteryear. Many don't, of course, and as a result really do "lower the moral standards of those who see (them)."

What's more, today's anonymous group of MPAA reviewers -- which sadly represents (primarily) the interests of the major studios -- uses nebulous "criteria" for ratings that leave me scratching my head most of the time. For instance, the MPAA's PG-13 is the group's way of communicating that you should be perfectly comfortable letting your child view any film so rated once he hits his 13th birthday. I take issue with that because (1) not all 13-year-olds have the same maturity, and (2) a lot of what passes for "family fare" these days would have been rated R just a handful of years ago -- by the same group!

Since the MPAA's ratings basically can't be trusted, a better approach -- although I run the risk here of coming across self-serving -- is utilizing an online resource like our very own PluggedIn.com, which spells out objectionable content. We don't tell you to go or not to go; we just equip you with the detailed information of what's in a film (music, TV and games, too), so you can decide for yourself.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Let Your Kids Discover Their Own Hobbies

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | September 9th, 2018

Q: I'm a dad with two preteen sons. I want them to enjoy the same sports and hobbies I do; I think that will keep us close as they grow up. Do you have any advice?

Jim: As parents, I think we all want to see our kids follow in our footsteps. But we have to be careful to not take that idea too far.

Some years back, a study from Canada revealed that parents who want their children to discover a passion for music or sports need to take a hands-off approach. Say you're a fan of golf. There's nothing wrong with encouraging your son to take up the sport, but don't push him into it. I'm sure you'd want him to hit the fairway for the joy of the game. But he might just be doing it out of a sense of obligation -- or the fear of disappointing you.

The Canadian study revealed another danger with forcing your kids to pursue only the hobbies that you think they should. Some kids with high-pressure parents will embrace the hobbies Mom and Dad select for them, but they'll become obsessed. Their hobby will often consume them. Their entire identity can become wrapped up in being a quarterback or a clarinet player. But when they throw an interception or play a wrong note, their self-esteem plummets.

Certainly, as parents, we need to be persistent about impressing morals and values -- the difference between right and wrong -- on our kids. But when it comes to hobbies, sports and other pastimes, we need to grant them some autonomy. I still want each of my boys to be a chip off the old block, but I remind myself to let (and help) Trent and Troy develop the specific gifts and talents God gave them. It's not about me.

Q: I know my husband isn't a mind reader. But after 10 years of marriage, I think he at least ought to know when I have a need. Having to tell him I want to spend time together or I need affection kills the romance. It's frustrating!

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Most of us know our spouses can't read our minds, but we often act like we expect them to anyway. It's a source of conflict for many couples.

Hey, I get it. It feels good when my wife picks up on my body language and comes alongside me in the way I'd hoped. But that's not the kind of thing that can sustain a relationship long-term.

Successful couples work hard to learn each other's needs. But they also understand that marriages are dynamic -- and that husbands and wives are, themselves, constantly changing. That means, at any given moment, your spouse may not be aware of what you're feeling. And if he does sense you have a need, he may not know exactly how to respond. Expecting your mate to read your mind sets up them -- and your relationship -- for failure.

One of the most enlightening things any of us can do is to occasionally reverse the roles, so to speak. In my case, that's asking myself: "How would I feel if Erin expected of me what I'm expecting of her right now?"

So tell your spouse when you need their attention, a hug or an opportunity to share your feelings. No one is in a better position to understand -- and communicate -- your needs than you. Mind readers may exist in romance novels and traveling carnivals, but you won't find one in marriage.

If this continues to be a source of tension in your marriage, I invite you to call our staff counselors at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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