Q: I'm a dad with two preteen sons. I want them to enjoy the same sports and hobbies I do; I think that will keep us close as they grow up. Do you have any advice?

Jim: As parents, I think we all want to see our kids follow in our footsteps. But we have to be careful to not take that idea too far.

Some years back, a study from Canada revealed that parents who want their children to discover a passion for music or sports need to take a hands-off approach. Say you're a fan of golf. There's nothing wrong with encouraging your son to take up the sport, but don't push him into it. I'm sure you'd want him to hit the fairway for the joy of the game. But he might just be doing it out of a sense of obligation -- or the fear of disappointing you.

The Canadian study revealed another danger with forcing your kids to pursue only the hobbies that you think they should. Some kids with high-pressure parents will embrace the hobbies Mom and Dad select for them, but they'll become obsessed. Their hobby will often consume them. Their entire identity can become wrapped up in being a quarterback or a clarinet player. But when they throw an interception or play a wrong note, their self-esteem plummets.

Certainly, as parents, we need to be persistent about impressing morals and values -- the difference between right and wrong -- on our kids. But when it comes to hobbies, sports and other pastimes, we need to grant them some autonomy. I still want each of my boys to be a chip off the old block, but I remind myself to let (and help) Trent and Troy develop the specific gifts and talents God gave them. It's not about me.

Q: I know my husband isn't a mind reader. But after 10 years of marriage, I think he at least ought to know when I have a need. Having to tell him I want to spend time together or I need affection kills the romance. It's frustrating!

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Most of us know our spouses can't read our minds, but we often act like we expect them to anyway. It's a source of conflict for many couples.

Hey, I get it. It feels good when my wife picks up on my body language and comes alongside me in the way I'd hoped. But that's not the kind of thing that can sustain a relationship long-term.

Successful couples work hard to learn each other's needs. But they also understand that marriages are dynamic -- and that husbands and wives are, themselves, constantly changing. That means, at any given moment, your spouse may not be aware of what you're feeling. And if he does sense you have a need, he may not know exactly how to respond. Expecting your mate to read your mind sets up them -- and your relationship -- for failure.

One of the most enlightening things any of us can do is to occasionally reverse the roles, so to speak. In my case, that's asking myself: "How would I feel if Erin expected of me what I'm expecting of her right now?"

So tell your spouse when you need their attention, a hug or an opportunity to share your feelings. No one is in a better position to understand -- and communicate -- your needs than you. Mind readers may exist in romance novels and traveling carnivals, but you won't find one in marriage.

If this continues to be a source of tension in your marriage, I invite you to call our staff counselors at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I know I've gotten a bit overweight. I've tried all sorts of diets, etc., but I just can't seem to lose even a few pounds. It's very discouraging and affects how I feel about myself. Should I just accept that I'll never succeed?

Jim: I can sympathize. In my mind, I'm still the svelte teenage athlete I once was. But reality is something different!

There's no real mystery to why we gain weight. We take in more calories than our bodies can use, which is easier than ever to do. Portion sizes have grown larger, and fast-food and pre-packaged meals are now staples of the modern diet. Americans also tend to be less active than past generations.

So obesity is pretty easy to understand. But so are the nuts-and-bolts of exercise and nutrition. Our activity levels need to go up, and our time in front of TVs and on the internet needs to go down. Solutions can be as simple as walking 30 minutes each day. Exercise doesn't have to be strenuous; just get moving. As for nutrition, keep it simple. Fad diets don't last. So make food choices you can stick with over the long haul.

But this all misses a bigger question: If good health is that basic, why is it so hard to lose weight? The answer is that changing bad habits is tough. To stay on track, you need the support of others. Research shows that people who have a strong community of support are more likely to lose weight and keep it off.

So what's the key to shedding those unwanted pounds? A little bit of grit -- and a whole lot of encouragement from people you trust. Don't go it alone anymore.

Q: My husband and I are so busy that it feels like our lives run us, not the other way around. We're worried about how this is playing out in our parenting, especially since our energy is so low when we get home. How do we address this problem?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: You're definitely not alone in this -- our whole culture runs nonstop. As parents, we have to be the ones pressing the pause button of life to gain perspective and shift our mindset. It's all about being intentional.

Being intentional means prioritizing how to invest your time and energy. It's recognizing the importance of establishing boundaries -- learning to say "no" to some things so that you can focus on your kids. And it's about understanding yourself well enough to know what recharges you; for example, maybe using your lunch break to work out, read a book ... or even take a quick nap! Finding a balance strengthens your ability to parent well.

Parenting doesn't demand perfection, but it does require the intentionality to effectively manage your:

1. Time. Obviously, we all have a limited amount of time to work with, but your schedule is yours to manage. You might be surprised how small adjustments can add up to make a big difference.

2. Attention. What captures your attention -- and why? Again, attention is something you control, but you'll have to be intentional about where it's pointed. You can give your kids attention up-front through your relationship, or you'll most likely spend a lot of time correcting and dealing with behavior issues down the road.

3. Boundaries. What are your priorities modeling for your children? What can you say "no" to in order to say "yes" to your family?

Intentionality may sound simple, but it requires energy and time -- two things many of us feel we lack. So we have to adjust our priorities accordingly. For more on intentionally prioritizing -- one of the "7 Traits of Effective Parenting" -- see focusonthefamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I recently married a relatively young widower with two children. Boom: instant stepparent. I'm doing my best to learn how to be "Mom" for my stepchildren, but it's a lot harder to connect than I expected. Help!

Jim: Becoming a stepparent can be rewarding. But it can also have its challenges. In your case, there's the added factor of grief over the loss of their birth mother.

Very few stepfamilies begin to jell immediately after marriage. It takes time for parents and kids alike to feel comfortable with their new living arrangement. So the best advice I can give you is don't hurry or try to force relationships to grow.

That's something author Ron Deal calls the "blender strategy." Blenders are what chefs use to force ingredients together. It works well with food, but not so much with relationships. If you push a child to connect with you, it'll backfire.

A more effective approach is what Deal calls the "Crock-Pot strategy." The idea is to allow family members to slowly find their place with one another. That means giving your stepchildren time and space to build a relationship with you. How? By being present in their life, but not pushing them to connect.

For example, your stepdaughter may be OK with you attending her soccer games, but she won't share her feelings with you. That's still an open door. It's a chance to engage her in a way she's comfortable with. So show up and cheer her on, but don't get impatient if she doesn't warm up to you right away. Let her ease into a relationship with you at her own pace. Over time, she'll likely soften.

We have plenty of resources for blended households -- including information about how to contact our staff counselors, if that would be of interest -- at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My husband and I had significant marital issues and eventually divorced, but later reconciled and remarried. Where we lived before, everybody knew our story in all its detail. We recently moved to a different city. As we make new friends, how much of our story do you think we should tell?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Nobody likes a scar. That's why most people keep them hidden. But with the right mindset, a scar can be a symbol of healing and strength for others.

Here's an example. When Dave Roever shipped off to fight in Vietnam, he told his fiancee he'd return without a scratch. But a sniper's bullet changed all that. The shot struck a phosphorous grenade in Dave's hand, which exploded, burning most of his face and body. His scars were so extensive that he'd never be able to hide them. So, Dave chose to use his wounds to bring healing to others. A well-known speaker, he has encouraged thousands of people not to hide their scars. He says, "Scars are evidence of pain, but they're also evidence you survived."

That same truth holds for the scars your marriage has suffered as well. I obviously don't know what tore your home apart. Whatever the cause -- infidelity, alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. -- the result is usually the same. People hide their scars to avoid feelings of shame or humiliation.

But a scar can become a symbol of hope to others facing similar problems. Remember, a scar indicates healing has taken place. It means there was an open wound, but you fought through and mended what was broken in your relationship. I applaud you for that.

So, when it comes to your marriage, don't hide your scars. Let the world around you see them as a source of strength and hope.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.