Q: We're doing our best to raise our children to be content with what they have. But that goes out the window whenever they visit my parents. Grandma and Grandpa give in to our kids' every whim, fill them with candy and soda, and buy them whatever they ask for. What can we do?

Jim: "Spoiling" grandkids is something of a time-honored tradition for grandparents, of course. But sometimes even the most well-meaning grandparents can take things too far.

Our staff counselors suggest that you take your parents out for dinner -- and a talk. After a good meal, let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Then ease into the "heavier" business of the evening. Let your folks know how grateful you are for their kindness and generosity toward your kids. But also remind them that too much of a good thing often makes it hard for your kids to keep their desires for "more" in check.

It will probably take some courage to have that conversation. But if you handle it with love and respect, I think most parents will respond with understanding. There's a good chance they don't even realize what a handful your kids can become when they're given too much. So be honest, but respectful, and you and your parents will likely wind up on the same page.

You might even take it a step further by strategizing with Grandma and Grandpa about how they can be proactively involved in helping to reinforce the lessons you're trying to convey to your children. For example, if one of the kids is trying to save money to buy something special, it's better for all concerned if the child earns some money from Grandpa by doing an age-appropriate job, instead of just receiving a handout.

For more tips to help your family thrive, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our kids (age 6 and 8) seem to get overstressed really easily, and I'm concerned. How can I help them to deal better with stress and become more resilient?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Research shows there are four universal growth needs that must be met for children to successfully cultivate resilience: attachment, achievement, autonomy and altruism.

How do these help a child become resilient? When kids are properly attached, they enjoy the security that comes from knowing there are people they can rely on when times are difficult. A child who has a sense of achievement will learn self-confidence and realize they can rise to the challenges of life. Children with a proper sense of autonomy won't feel they are helpless to do anything about their circumstances in tough times. Kids who cultivate altruism will be able to express empathy. Life won't just be about them and their problems.

You have the awesome privilege of helping them develop the skills to manage stress effectively -- with a positive mindset that sees challenges as opportunities rather than problems. You are their primary connection, and you can foster a sense of belonging by giving them time and attention, by laughing and playing with them, and providing loving, safe touch. You can engender a sense of achievement by helping them discover what they are good at. Autonomy can be encouraged as you help them learn that changing their behaviors can change their outcomes. And you can develop altruism by actively teaching them to think about others and to exercise gratitude, kindness, service and love.

By the way, how do you deal with stress and adversity? Do you meet challenges head-on? Do you view the world fearfully, or as a place of hope and promise? The way you decide to handle these things in your own life communicates volumes to your children.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've been married for two years, and my wife is expecting our first child. I'm excited but terrified. My relationship with my father was terrible, and I'm afraid I'll be a lousy dad just like he was.

Jim: I completely understand. I used to worry that I'd be a poor father because my own dad was such a poor role model. He was an alcoholic. In his drunken stupors, he would threaten my mother and scare the daylights out of me. My dad walked out on us when I was just 5. For years, he floated in and out of my life, but was never a positive influence and didn't model for me what good fathering looked like. He mostly broke his promises and disappointed me again and again.

Research does seem to indicate that most of us parent the way we were parented. But we can break the chains of dysfunction. Learning to be a good dad hasn't always been easy for me, and it may be tough for you, too. But I was not "destined" to follow in my father's footsteps as a parent to my two boys -- and you're not locked in to how your dad failed, either.

The most important lesson I've learned is that being a good man and a loving father isn't about "fate." It's about choices.

To this day, I still parent out of the void my dad left behind, but I do my best to turn those negatives into positives. I make it a priority to connect with my sons in areas where my own father dropped the ball so terribly. I show my kids unconditional love and assure them that I'll never leave them, no matter what happens.

I hope you want to be a different father than you had growing up. Just remember that new choices aren't always easy, but they are possible. Your kids are counting on you.

We have plenty of resources available to help men be good dads at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife often vents about problems with her co-workers, friends and family members. I can usually see a reasonable solution, but she never seems to want to hear it. What's wrong?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Here's the deal -- as guys, we like to fix things. That's a useful skill when it comes to cars and broken lamps, but not so much when it's your wife.

It's a pretty common scenario in a lot of relationships. Even now, as a trained expert with more than 25 years of marriage behind me, I still forget and do this to my wife, Erin. She'll start to share her feelings, and I jump in with the perfect solution before she's stopped talking. That's when she'll cross her arms and look right through me -- and I realize I made a big mistake.

This issue gets to the core of who we really are as men and women. Guys try to take the mystery out of things, especially relationships. We reduce things to their basic parts and solve what's wrong. We're quick to identify both the problem and the solution, and we want to just get it fixed and move on with the least hassle possible.

However, women generally want to be heard and connected to, not "solved." It's part of their relational wiring. The "process of processing" is what helps most women work through things.

So remember this the next time your wife opens up: She's probably not asking you to crack a code or solve her problem. She just wants you to listen and offer your love, understanding and support.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We've done our best to raise our son into a mature adult. But now that he's finished college and is out on his own, he's making poor choices. We're disappointed and wonder where we went wrong.

Jim: When an adult child loses his way, it can be hard for parents to know where to begin. In one sense, you'll always be the parent, and he will always be the child you raised. At the same time, as our kids enter adulthood the relationship has to transition to a balance between independent people who make their own decisions.

Our counselors suggest you start by easing your guilt. Did you make mistakes? Of course -- every parent does. But your son is old enough to make his own choices and to take responsibility for them. So give yourself a break.

Secondly, understand that the burden of getting life back on track ought to be your son's, not yours. That's easy to forget. You can encourage him to make better choices, but he's old enough to take responsibility for his own life now. So point him in the right direction and give him advice if he asks for it. But let him be his own person.

Now comes the hard part: Let your son suffer the consequences of his choices. If you rescue him from his problems, he may never feel a reason to live differently. So don't be too quick to save him from self-inflicted pain.

Watching a beloved child make bad decisions can be tough. That's why it can be helpful to discuss your specific concerns with a qualified therapist. If you'd like some extra guidance from our counselors, I invite you to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our two sons (ages 7 and 9) argue all the time. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. How can I help them learn to get along?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Kids are only human, so they will argue with one another at times. The good news is that conflict resolution is a skill you can teach your children. Siblings who are close in age often need some coaching.

Here are some ideas to help your kids learn how to resolve conflict:

1. Teach them to clearly say what they want with respect. It may take some time and reflection for children to really know what they want and communicate it well.

2. Teach them to recognize their feelings and how emotions can work against them. For example, if you feel mad, that can prevent you from listening beyond your own wants and needs to hear the other person.

3. Help them understand the concept of team. Teach them how valuable this will be as they grow up -- in school, their marriage, parenting, work and community.

4. Guide them in learning to define the real "win." It's not about who's right, but rather what's best for the family and how they can bless each other.

If your children still can't resolve the conflict (meaning that each child feels heard and respected), you may wish to offer your services for hire. For example, I will ask my kids, "Do you need to hire me to solve this?" They know that it will cost $1 per minute for my help. The one who is charged is whoever isn't willing to compromise, listen or be part of the solution.

Parents need to be creative, consistent and engaged to help kids learn to deal with conflict effectively. Things might not change overnight, but your efforts will help your kids now as well as into adulthood.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.