Q: I get so frustrated watching other families who seem to be perfect. They're like the old show "The Brady Bunch" -- the parents are loving, the kids always seem happy, and I never hear of any real problems. Am I just missing something?

Jim: We've all looked at co-workers, people at church or friends on social media and thought, "Wow, that family has got life all figured out." However, the truth is they don't.

We all wear a public face that shows us in our best and happiest times. The rest we keep private. My wife and I don't snap pictures of our kids when they bring home a bad grade from school. We don't pose for selfies when we lose our patience or when we're arguing with one another. I doubt you record (much less post/share) those less-than-perfect moments, either. And neither do your family and friends.

Many of those smiling children on Facebook and Instagram probably talk back to their parents or lie to get out of trouble. And I'm sure those moms and dads snap at their kids from time to time instead of patiently listening. That perfect meal recipe probably took several tries before it was post-worthy, and those folks might even have weeds in their lawn.

Perfect families don't exist. And if they did, I'm certainly not the guy who could tell you how to become one. But you and I are both fortunate because the goal isn't perfection. It's a family that is healthy and strong. That means Mom, Dad and the kids love each other and handle their problems with patience and respect. Anybody can work toward that. And we have lots of resources to help you do it at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My son (age 9) has a really hard time dealing with new situations. Whether it's starting a new school year or going off to summer camp, new people and places always make him uneasy. How can I help him handle new things better?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: New social situations tend to make some children apprehensive, especially if they're filtering the situation through a negative lens. Children need three foundational things to help them face new situations with a more positive viewpoint:

-- They need to belong. Many children spend a lot of emotional energy trying to fit in with a certain group of kids because they think they'll gain a sense of belonging. But genuine belonging means being a part of something, not just doing things to fit in. Talk with your child about his insecurities and about other kids' opinions of what's "cool" and what's not. Help him recognize that most of his peers also carry an "emotional backpack" full of insecurities. Guide him in discovering places where he could feel -- or already feels -- a sense of belonging even with his own "baggage." Remind him of the safety that begins from belonging within your family.

-- They need to feel they have worth. Many kids who are anxious in new situations are afraid of messing up or being ridiculed. They dread having their imperfections being exposed or not having control. Affirm your son's worth even with his unique imperfections. He is a one-of-a-kind, worthwhile person to know.

-- They need to feel that they're good at something. We all crave the confidence that comes from knowing we excel at something. I've dealt with several kids in my private practice who have abilities they don't think their peers or friends value. Guide your child through an honest inventory of his skills and talents. Encourage him to continue discovering what he's good at or could be good at with effort. And show him why those things matter.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: As a busy mother with young children, I don't have much choice but to take them with me when I go shopping. But sometimes they drive me crazy in the stores! Help!

Jim: I love seeing families shop together; they're experiencing the value of spending time with each other in daily life. So I generally don't mind when I'm stuck behind a cart steered by a 5-year-old -- as long as Mom or Dad is navigating! But some outings can turn frustrating if we don't stay on our toes. Author Karen Ehman has some tips for shopping with children.

Feed them first and avoid hot spots: Temptations are everywhere. If kids are hungry, you could be inviting trouble. (And let's face it, we all have our "hangry" moments.) And if they haven't learned that needs are different than wants, stay away from some aisles altogether.

Build incentive: Help children cut a coupon for a special treat beforehand. If they get through the trip without complaining or acting out, they get to have that treat.

Guide financial awareness: If your older child wants something, talk about cost. If they don't have enough money of their own, brainstorm ways they can earn it.

Buddy up: Some ages and stages are rougher than others. Arrange with another struggling parent to watch each other's kids while you go to the store alone.

Most of all, hang in there! Not all shopping trips will be stress-free. But intentional efforts to develop your children's behavior -- even in the most everyday moments -- can have a lasting impact.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My 12-year-old daughter follows all of her favorite celebrities on social media. She's constantly checking her phone for tweets and Instagram posts. I've been looking at the things many of those people post -- from racy photos to expletive-filled rants -- and I'm concerned. How can I address this with my daughter?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: Stepping back a bit, I believe the place to start is to have a conversation with your daughter about people in general. Now, I know you've already done that to a point. We all have. But what I'm suggesting here is a discussion about people whose lives are truly worth emulating. Who are some of these? What makes a person someone to "follow"? Name a few names.

Personally, I like to set the bar high. The people I admire -- both living and deceased -- are those who've extended themselves on behalf of others, who've given sacrificially above and beyond what is "normal," and who believe that there's no greater gift one can give than to lay down one's life for someone else. I'm not there yet. But I know what it looks like. (Some of my models: Desmond Doss, Dave Roever, Mother Teresa, Dr. Kent Brantly, Jean Vanier.)

Now, we all have feet of clay, so I'm not trying to suggest we'll find a perfect person or two to pattern our lives after. But there are and have been thousands who've been exemplary in ways that would be good for us all to follow. Your daughter needs to know these people aren't constantly posing for selfies or are "worthy" just because they're famous. They're certainly not about to post racy photos and expletive-filled rants. These are virtuous people of great character, and they stand out culturally because of it.

Make sure to help your daughter understand that there's nothing wrong with looking up to people. Just be sure she has a better road map to find what those people are really like inside and identify those who seem to be doing it right these days (or have done it right in days gone by).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've been through a series of challenges and disappointments over the past few years. I try to keep a positive attitude, but sometimes it's hard to avoid self-pity and discouragement. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I certainly don't want to minimize whatever you've endured. And there's practical help available, which I'll mention in a moment. That said, often the best way to change our mindset about our own struggles is to reach out to someone else. Let me share a recent illustration from the world of sports.

The Boston Marathon is always highly anticipated. However, the weather on race day this year was terrible: pouring rain, a strong headwind virtually the whole length of the 26.2-mile course and subfreezing wind chill.

Within just a few miles from the start, elite runner Desiree Linden was miserable and ready to give up; it looked like it just wasn't going to be her day. But Desiree saw a training partner (a race favorite) lagging behind the lead group after an unplanned stop. Desiree slowed down and told her friend that she would help pace -- allowing the other woman to "draft" behind her -- and wouldn't drop out until they caught up together.

The two women closed the gap to the main pack of elite runners. Desiree then saw another friend who was struggling to keep up with the leaders. So she paced that runner for a while.

As the marathon continued, Desiree realized that she wasn't thinking so much about the awful conditions. But her competitors were. As other elite athletes dropped out or slowed down, Desiree Linden kept going. Back in 2011, Desiree had placed No. 2 at Boston, just a couple of seconds behind the winner. In 2018, she crossed the finish line with a 4-minute lead -- becoming the first American woman in 33 years to win this country's most prestigious marathon.

In various interviews after the race, Desiree said that pacing her friends gave her the boost she needed -- both physically and mentally -- to stay in the race when she had been ready to quit. And there's actually good scientific evidence to back that up.

Research shows that when we help someone else, our brains release dopamine and serotonin -- "feel-good hormones." Those hormones boost our physical as well as mental state. In the process, our attention is drawn away from ourselves and onto the other person. Our minds disengage from our own difficulties and focus on something positive. That can give us the momentum to keep moving ourselves.

Now, I've never run a marathon, and I don't know that I ever will. But my friends who have tell me that it's a great metaphor for life. No matter who you are, finishing the race involves taking thousands of individual steps as consistently as you can. Even if you're struggling, there's likely someone who's having an even harder time. And it's always easier when others are with you for mutual encouragement. In fact, the more people you have in your pace group, the more likely that you'll all complete the course successfully.

So my advice to you is to come alongside someone else who is struggling. Encourage them. Listen to their story and tell them your own. Let them draft behind you for a time, if necessary. Around the next corner, maybe they -- or someone else -- will do the same for you.

Of course, there are situations where the services of a professional "coach" can make a big difference. Our staff counselors are available to help and offer referrals to licensed therapists all over the country. You can call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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