Q: I've been through a series of challenges and disappointments over the past few years. I try to keep a positive attitude, but sometimes it's hard to avoid self-pity and discouragement. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I certainly don't want to minimize whatever you've endured. And there's practical help available, which I'll mention in a moment. That said, often the best way to change our mindset about our own struggles is to reach out to someone else. Let me share a recent illustration from the world of sports.

The Boston Marathon is always highly anticipated. However, the weather on race day this year was terrible: pouring rain, a strong headwind virtually the whole length of the 26.2-mile course and subfreezing wind chill.

Within just a few miles from the start, elite runner Desiree Linden was miserable and ready to give up; it looked like it just wasn't going to be her day. But Desiree saw a training partner (a race favorite) lagging behind the lead group after an unplanned stop. Desiree slowed down and told her friend that she would help pace -- allowing the other woman to "draft" behind her -- and wouldn't drop out until they caught up together.

The two women closed the gap to the main pack of elite runners. Desiree then saw another friend who was struggling to keep up with the leaders. So she paced that runner for a while.

As the marathon continued, Desiree realized that she wasn't thinking so much about the awful conditions. But her competitors were. As other elite athletes dropped out or slowed down, Desiree Linden kept going. Back in 2011, Desiree had placed No. 2 at Boston, just a couple of seconds behind the winner. In 2018, she crossed the finish line with a 4-minute lead -- becoming the first American woman in 33 years to win this country's most prestigious marathon.

In various interviews after the race, Desiree said that pacing her friends gave her the boost she needed -- both physically and mentally -- to stay in the race when she had been ready to quit. And there's actually good scientific evidence to back that up.

Research shows that when we help someone else, our brains release dopamine and serotonin -- "feel-good hormones." Those hormones boost our physical as well as mental state. In the process, our attention is drawn away from ourselves and onto the other person. Our minds disengage from our own difficulties and focus on something positive. That can give us the momentum to keep moving ourselves.

Now, I've never run a marathon, and I don't know that I ever will. But my friends who have tell me that it's a great metaphor for life. No matter who you are, finishing the race involves taking thousands of individual steps as consistently as you can. Even if you're struggling, there's likely someone who's having an even harder time. And it's always easier when others are with you for mutual encouragement. In fact, the more people you have in your pace group, the more likely that you'll all complete the course successfully.

So my advice to you is to come alongside someone else who is struggling. Encourage them. Listen to their story and tell them your own. Let them draft behind you for a time, if necessary. Around the next corner, maybe they -- or someone else -- will do the same for you.

Of course, there are situations where the services of a professional "coach" can make a big difference. Our staff counselors are available to help and offer referrals to licensed therapists all over the country. You can call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm experiencing an awkward situation with an extended family member. This person recently disagreed with something I posted on Facebook and commented harshly. I admit I responded poorly in the moment. This led to other negative posts, a few blunt emails and even a couple of snarky texts. A minor difference has escalated into real tension. What do I do now?

Jim: Digital connections -- email, texting and popular social media platforms -- have revolutionized communication with good reason: They're fast and convenient. When a relationship is healthy, they're a great way to stay in touch.

But, as author and psychologist Dr. John Townsend warns, if you're engaged in conflict with someone, addressing problems through electronic means is the worst thing you can do. That's because confrontational comments almost always seem worse when you read them. No matter how carefully we word our thoughts, it's far too easy for the reader to feel attacked or judged. In fact, the potential for misunderstanding is so great that Dr. Townsend recommends people never use digital means to confront anyone.

Instead, talk face-to-face if at all possible -- or by phone if necessary. Granted, addressing disagreements in person can make for an uncomfortable conversation. But it's the best way to ensure that the subtleties of communication carry through and help make reconciliation possible, rather than derail it.

Make it your priority to affirm the relationship, even if you need to "agree to disagree" about some things. There's some great advice on interacting with others that dates back 2,000 years: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

Humbly admitting any fault you might have had in escalating the situation could be the first step in reaching a resolution. If our staff counselors can be of help, feel free to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My 7-year-old daughter is smart, and many things come easy for her. But when things don't go her way, or she hits any sort of obstacle, she just gives up. How can I teach her to persevere?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Perseverance is certainly important to a thriving and successful life. As a family therapist, I've noticed many kids haven't learned how to respond to normal childhood emotions like boredom, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, failure or loss. As parents, we get to teach our kids how to manage these emotions effectively. We don't have to get caught up in shielding them from these.

Persevering through hardships is a learned process -- one that is most effectively learned at an early age, but which can be absorbed by older kids as well. Interestingly, some kids will naturally thrive when facing a challenge, no matter the outcome. Others interpret loss as a complete failure. The key to perseverance is looking through a new lens. This is true for all areas of life: academics, relationships, job performance, etc.

There are three mindsets your child needs to develop persistence and successfully face adversity.

First, when (not if) she fails, acknowledge the resulting raw feelings but quickly move her toward constructive thoughts. It's great to recognize your child's talents, but also let her know talent requires refinement -- the process of growth and improvement. Winners first learn how to lose well so that they don't panic when things go unexpectedly wrong. Like a rubber ball, teach them how to bounce back.

Second, help your child become a creative problem-solver. A common phrase in my home is this: "Everything has a solution, you just have to find it."

Finally, guide your child toward humility. None of us are perfect -- but imperfection keeps us interdependent on others and allows us to experience the excitement of growing and improving.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: As a parent, I have a hard time watching my school-age children go through challenges; my natural inclination is to step in and fix things for them when I can. Isn't that what parenting is about?

Jim: The goal of parenting is to raise our children to be mature, responsible adults who can function on their own. Sometimes that involves letting them struggle through a crisis and sort it out on their own.

Say your son waited until the last minute to write his English paper, and it's halfway done when the computer unexpectedly shuts off and all his work disappears. What would you do? Help rewrite the paper to ensure he turns it in on time and gets a good grade? Or let him redo the whole thing himself and accept whatever grade he gets?

A lot of parents would jump in and rescue their child right away. They'd do more than offer a helping hand. They'd do the problem-solving for their son, or even call his teacher to handle the fallout if he didn't get his paper done on time.

But your child might learn more if you allow him to work the problem through himself. He may not get the grade he hoped for on his paper, but he'll probably learn an even more valuable lesson: how to handle a crisis when one comes up (not to mention advance planning). The answer isn't to waste hours complaining or to expect someone else to resolve the situation. He needs to learn to face a problem head-on and to do what needs to be done to correct it.

We parents can often be too quick to rescue our children from pain. But maturity comes through overcoming challenges. What matters is the child's resiliency and ability to deal with life's problems.

Q: I'm getting married in a few months. My fiance and I are excited, but kind of intimidated; sometimes the whole marriage thing seems a little overwhelming. Do you have any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage and Family Formation: Marriage is somewhat like a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. The first step in building a puzzle is to dump the pieces out of the box and sift through the pile. You want to look for matching colors and border pieces. The second step is to put the border together. That gives you some sense of the space you're working with. The last step is the most important of all: look at the picture on the front of the box.

The picture is your goal. The more pieces you get in the right place, the more the puzzle will look how it should. Without the picture for reference, you're creating lots of extra headaches for yourself. The colors blend together and none of the pieces will seem connected. The whole thing will be one big, frustrating mystery.

The first few years of marriage can be a frustrating mystery, too. You barely know each other. It's like the pieces to your marriage puzzle have been dumped onto the table, and your differences are just starting to emerge. It all has to be navigated for you to create a happy and successful marriage. That's a daunting task when the pieces don't fit and the colors all blend together.

The solution? Keep looking at the reference picture. Get a vision for your marriage and pursue it together. Read a marriage book -- or several. Definitely get premarital counseling (and maybe even post-wedding counseling). Healthy marriages are easier to piece together when couples have a common vision and goal to pursue.

We have tons of resources to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.