Q: As a parent, I have a hard time watching my school-age children go through challenges; my natural inclination is to step in and fix things for them when I can. Isn't that what parenting is about?

Jim: The goal of parenting is to raise our children to be mature, responsible adults who can function on their own. Sometimes that involves letting them struggle through a crisis and sort it out on their own.

Say your son waited until the last minute to write his English paper, and it's halfway done when the computer unexpectedly shuts off and all his work disappears. What would you do? Help rewrite the paper to ensure he turns it in on time and gets a good grade? Or let him redo the whole thing himself and accept whatever grade he gets?

A lot of parents would jump in and rescue their child right away. They'd do more than offer a helping hand. They'd do the problem-solving for their son, or even call his teacher to handle the fallout if he didn't get his paper done on time.

But your child might learn more if you allow him to work the problem through himself. He may not get the grade he hoped for on his paper, but he'll probably learn an even more valuable lesson: how to handle a crisis when one comes up (not to mention advance planning). The answer isn't to waste hours complaining or to expect someone else to resolve the situation. He needs to learn to face a problem head-on and to do what needs to be done to correct it.

We parents can often be too quick to rescue our children from pain. But maturity comes through overcoming challenges. What matters is the child's resiliency and ability to deal with life's problems.

Q: I'm getting married in a few months. My fiance and I are excited, but kind of intimidated; sometimes the whole marriage thing seems a little overwhelming. Do you have any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage and Family Formation: Marriage is somewhat like a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. The first step in building a puzzle is to dump the pieces out of the box and sift through the pile. You want to look for matching colors and border pieces. The second step is to put the border together. That gives you some sense of the space you're working with. The last step is the most important of all: look at the picture on the front of the box.

The picture is your goal. The more pieces you get in the right place, the more the puzzle will look how it should. Without the picture for reference, you're creating lots of extra headaches for yourself. The colors blend together and none of the pieces will seem connected. The whole thing will be one big, frustrating mystery.

The first few years of marriage can be a frustrating mystery, too. You barely know each other. It's like the pieces to your marriage puzzle have been dumped onto the table, and your differences are just starting to emerge. It all has to be navigated for you to create a happy and successful marriage. That's a daunting task when the pieces don't fit and the colors all blend together.

The solution? Keep looking at the reference picture. Get a vision for your marriage and pursue it together. Read a marriage book -- or several. Definitely get premarital counseling (and maybe even post-wedding counseling). Healthy marriages are easier to piece together when couples have a common vision and goal to pursue.

We have tons of resources to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I love being parents. But with three kids in the house now, our marriage isn't as fun as it once was. Is that normal?

Jim: I'd say it's common, anyway. As newlyweds, you and your spouse were probably able to schedule your life around the time you spent with each other. Now you're parents, and your marriage has slid down the priority list. Every moment is busy with your children -- dirty diapers, sports practice, dentist appointments, school programs, etc.

Your home has likely become child-focused. A child-focused home seems like a good idea, because parenting is one of the most important jobs in your life. Children require a lot from Mom and Dad. They need your attention, your affection and your affirmation. They need you to be engaged in their lives.

But if everything -- including your marriage -- revolves around your children, your home is out of balance. The desire to be a great parent becomes counterproductive when it overshadows your desire to be a great spouse. A strong marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your children. It's the foundation of their stability and confidence in life and will benefit them throughout their lives.

So my advice is: Protect your marriage. Love and serve one another. Make time for your spouse, even while you're working hard to raise your children together. Secure, confident children don't come from child-focused homes, but from marriage-focused homes.

Q: Do you think that "shooter" video games might have a contributing influence in some of the incidents of mass violence in our society? I'm heartbroken whenever I see a commercial for a war game or watch kids at a store demo screen blasting away.

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: There's a lot of discussion about the cause-and-effect relationship between playing violent video games and actual behavior and attitudes. For one thing, not all violent video games are created equal. Some shooter games revolve around eliminating space aliens. Some involve enemies during simulated war. But some revel in killing for killing's sake. Those games especially worry me.

I thought the argument was over in 2000 when the American Medical Association (AMA), the American Psychological Association (APA) and several other groups issued this joint declaration:

"(Media violence's) effects are measurable and long lasting. Moreover, prolonged viewing of media violence can lead to emotional desensitization toward violence in real life ... Viewing entertainment violence can lead to increases in aggressive attitudes, values and behaviors, particularly in children."

In 2015, the APA concluded that research had not yet proved a link between gaming and actual violence but pointed out: "(T)he link between violence in video games and increased aggression in players is one of the most studied and best established in the field."

Whatever "increased aggression in players" is, culturally we only seem to care when it makes the evening news. For instance, in 2003, Alabama teenager Devin Darnell Thompson killed three police department employees, claiming the "Grand Theft Auto" video game influenced these murders. Fortunately, incidents like these are rare.

Meanwhile, in 2017 Canadian researchers found that prolonged video game playing actually decreases the gray matter in the brain's hippocampus. Again, that can't be good.

I believe common sense dictates that games glamorizing the killing of innocent humans -- making it out to be "fun" and rewarding -- definitely have a negative side. Personally, I would err on the side of caution, allowing teens to play only (or mostly) the types of games that don't celebrate murder and mayhem. And should you make an exception -- if you notice a change in personality, it's definitely time to have a chat with your child about his or her gaming habits, beliefs and influences. That's always a great idea!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our family recently heard about the need for foster families, especially those willing to adopt. We're intrigued. What should we think about before deciding?

Jim: With more than 100,000 legal orphans in United States foster care waiting for adoptive families, more and more families are looking into adoption. It's a big step to take, and there are many things to consider.

This issue is close to my heart because I spent time in the foster system as a child. And my wife and I have fostered several kids over the last few years. With planning and lots of prayer, it can be a beautiful thing.

Dr. Debi Grebenik, a Colorado Springs-based licensed social worker with extensive experience in foster care and adoption, emphasizes that the adoption journey begins with a commitment for life. In other words, it's similar to a marriage. The adoption process calls for love and understanding, in sickness and in health and for richer or poorer -- because there will be unforeseen detours, mountaintop experiences and deep valleys along the way. But adoptive parents who begin the process faithfully and fearlessly are more likely to see it through.

Just like all moms and dads, adoptive parents must be prepared to love their child unconditionally. Some kids have deep emotional wounds after spending years in foster care. They may display manipulation, defiance, aggression, depression and other challenging behaviors. However, an adoptive parent's unconditional love may be the only lifeline these children have as they emerge from an unstable environment and learn what it means to be part of a permanent, solid family for the first time in their lives. And the blessings and rewards far outweigh the challenges for those who are willing to take the plunge.

To learn more about adoption, go to ICareAboutOrphans.org or FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: A little bit of conflict is normal in marriage, right? My wife and I have our occasional "issues," but we get along a lot better than most couples we know.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage and Family Formation: Here's an analogy: What do you do when you see a crack developing in a wall of your house? Ignore it? Cover it with paint? Or do you figure out the source of the problem and fix it?

In 1995, employees at a five-story department store in South Korea noticed a crack in one of the support columns. Despite warnings from the building engineers, the store's owner refused to close the building for repairs. He insisted it was a minor problem. But the crack was a symptom of a much larger structural failure. Just a few months later, the entire building collapsed, killing over 500 people.

Similar catastrophes take place within marriages every day. Couples often notice the cracks in their marriage, but they choose to ignore them. The problem seems so small and insignificant. Why deal with it now and go through all that emotional upheaval for nothing? What couples fail to recognize is the crack may be the first sign of a larger issue developing within the relationship. Ignore those problems, and the structure of the marriage could weaken over time, bringing the whole thing crashing to the ground.

If you want a healthy marriage, look beneath the cracks in your relationship and address the larger problems hiding there. Strengthen your marriage by addressing small problems before they become large ones.

To jump-start this process, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com and search "marriage assessment tools." We offer a couple of checkup options, both free and at minimal cost, to help you and your spouse identify the strengths of your relationship as well as weak spots. And we have plenty of tools to help you fix the cracks.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.