Q: I've been out of college for four years, and I'm watching many of my peers getting everything they want -- good jobs, nice homes, world travel, etc. But they still seem unhappy, at least to me. Am I weird for wanting to take things slower?

Jim: We're surrounded by the danger signs of a world moving too fast. From microwaves to fast food, computers to mobile phones, we've become accustomed to easy and immediate results. The demand to produce more in less time is increasing, and the ingredients we need to live well-rounded lives are being stripped away. That brings problems.

The first is an attitude of impatience and entitlement. Our society wants what it wants, and it wants it right now. We've forgotten that authentic success can't be rushed; it often takes hard work over a long period of time. But when people lose sight of this, they take shortcuts to achieve maximum results with minimal effort. Consider the athletes caught in doping scandals, or individuals hoping to lose weight without eating right or exercising. The list could go on and on.

A second problem with instant gratification is that it weakens our character. Building success slowly gives us a chance to develop as people. And as our character is strengthened, so is our ability to handle success. Many people have raced to the top, only to lose it all because they lacked the character to handle the responsibility their success demanded.

The faster our world moves, the more diligent we must be to pursue not only success, but character as well. As one writer expressed it: "We all want to be, but few of us are willing to become."

So, are you "weird"? No -- I think you're wise.

Q: What do you think about paying our school-aged children for doing household tasks? As a child, I always received an allowance if I did my chores. But my husband believes that kids need to work without being paid; he says that's just part of being a family.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: There's no right or wrong answer here. Some parents believe in paying an allowance, others pay their kids for individual chores. Still others don't pay anything at all but give their children money for purchases based on their overall attitude and helpfulness.

Whatever system you decide to adopt, it's important to remember that one of your major goals is to prepare your children to live in the "real world" -- the world of work, taxes, giving and investments. In that world, nobody is going to pay them for making their beds or taking out the trash. On the other hand, they will be paid for things like managing a group of employees, tuning up somebody's car or selling a pair of shoes to a very demanding customer.

With that in mind, here's what I suggest. Children ought to perform certain tasks around the house simply because they are part of the family. This could include jobs such as taking care of their own rooms, picking up their toys, helping to prepare meals, washing their own clothes, and yes, even taking out the trash.

On the other hand, it's fine to pay children for chores that demand more time and energy -- contributions to the life of the household that "go beyond the call of duty." This list might include activities like mowing the lawn, washing the car, or, in the case of a responsible teenager, baby-sitting a younger brother or sister for an entire Saturday afternoon.

One final note: Helping kids learn how to give, save and spend their money is just as important as teaching them how to earn it.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I thrive on activity: career, parenting, church, volunteer work, hobbies, socializing, etc. A well-meaning friend suggested I get more rest, but that seems like a waste. I get bored if I'm not doing something. As long as I'm happy being busy, that's what counts, right?

Jim: Many busy people consider rest a waste of time. They see it as an empty space where productivity ought to be. But that perspective misses the true value of rest. It's often perceived as an absence of something, rather than an active and beneficial component to our lives, even when we're not doing anything.

In music, there is an interval of silence called a rest. To the casual listener, the musical rest is an absence of sound, an empty space where nothing is happening. But to a musician, the silence (long or short) between notes is as crucial to the song's rhythm and tempo as the notes themselves. Far from being void of purpose, the rest is active and helps frame the melody of the song.

In the same way, a healthy life is framed by rest. Our body, our mind and our emotions need time to recover from the stress and hard work we encounter throughout the week -- even if we don't recognize it in the moment. Rest is also a crucial element to keeping our priorities in focus, most importantly our marriage and our kids.

So I would recommend listening to your friend. Taking an occasional break -- a few minutes, a few hours, even a few days -- can bring a whole new level of fulfillment (and productivity!) to the time we spend doing everything else.

By the way, if you want a physician's take on the subject, I'd suggest Dr. Richard Swenson's classic book "Margin."

Q: My wife says she wants more intimacy in our marriage. I get the physical part, and I'm definitely into it. But she says she means more than that. I know our relationship needs improvement; I'm just not really a touchy-feely guy. What am I supposed to do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Pronounce the word a different way, and I think it'll become clearer. Instead of "intimacy," say it like this: "INTO ME, SEE."

Far too many marriages go something like this: The husband says, "I don't understand my wife. We don't agree on anything. I'm always hot; she's always cold. I just want to relax in front of the TV, but she complains about it. I'm beginning to wonder if we should have gotten married at all!"

Meanwhile, the wife says, "Of course I'm cold! He keeps the thermostat so low that I'm always shivering. And our family can't spend quality time together because he's always a couch potato in front of the TV. Maybe there's not any hope for our relationship."

If that sounds like your marriage, a great way to turn things around is to remember that little phrase, "Into me, see." Learn how to "see into" each other's hearts. After all, that's what true intimacy is really all about -- understanding life from your mate's perspective. Appreciate what makes your wife tick and look for ways you can put her needs above your own. And don't be afraid to take the first step. Learn what makes your spouse feel loved and valued, and you'll fan the flames of your entire relationship.

To jump-start this process, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com and search for "marriage assessment tools." We have a couple of checkup options, both free and at minimal cost, that can help you and your spouse identify aspects of your relationship on which you can build, along with tools to strengthen your weak spots.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My spouse and I are trying to dream together about our future, but we're struggling. It's hard to see past our present stage in life. What would you suggest?

Jim: Thinking about the future can be fun and energizing. But I think it's a good idea to reflect on your past, too -- especially if you feel stuck.

Reminiscing is a valuable activity for couples to engage in from time to time. There's a bond that forms between two people who have shared experiences together. Your past is more than a collection of random memories. It represents a journey you and your spouse have taken together that infuses your relationship with richness and meaning. And it's the launch pad for your next mission of discovery.

That's why reminiscing is especially helpful for those who have been married for a long time. It's healthy to remember the good times you've shared and the difficulties you've faced and overcome. It can encourage you to hope for good times ahead and remind you of the troubles you can get through if you stick together.

But reminiscing is for new couples, as well. If you're a newlywed, you obviously don't have many years' worth of shared experiences to reminisce about. But you do probably have a lot of good memories together from the months or years before you got engaged. Reflect on those times, even if they weren't that long ago.

Intimacy doesn't develop in the newness of a relationship, but over the miles you travel together through life. Fun memories about when you first met, your first date, or other funny or heartwarming stories from your relationship are crucial building blocks that will carry you into the future.

Q: I'm fairly new at the parenting game. Are there times when I should simply chill out and refrain from disciplining a kid who misbehaves?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: To some extent, child discipline is just common sense and more art than science -- a skill acquired gradually and almost imperceptibly. So, relax, take it one day at a time, and allow the parent-child relationship to unfold naturally. As the years go by, you'll perfect your skills in a very normal and intuitive way.

In the meantime, the only kind of behavior that merits disciplinary action is willful disobedience. Otherwise, there are some rather obvious situations where traditional disciplinary action is not appropriate:

-- Normal exploratory behavior in infants and toddlers. Little ones need the freedom to discover their environment without getting their hands slapped. Childproof your home by keeping fragile items out of their reach.

-- Toilet training. This can't be rushed. A harsh response to failure only creates confusion, anxiety and frustration for the child.

-- Bed-wetting. This physiological event is usually not under conscious control, and rarely (if ever) responds to rewards or punishment.

-- Accidents. Again, if the behavior wasn't willful or intentional, it doesn't call for discipline. But it's fair and appropriate to require an older child to help clean up or repair, especially if carelessness was involved.

-- Irritability and negativity specifically related to illness or extreme fatigue. Extend grace for grumpiness when your child simply doesn't feel well, is "hangry" or tired.

-- Less-than-perfect report cards. If a child's school performance is falling short of his or her capability, more self-discipline may be the answer. But kids shouldn't be punished for not having straight A's.

-- Performance in sports. If the child chooses to engage in sports and cares deeply about succeeding, parental support and encouragement is extremely important. But they shouldn't be forced to play against their will or beyond their skill level.

If you'd like to discuss this subject with our staff counselors, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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