Q: I thrive on activity: career, parenting, church, volunteer work, hobbies, socializing, etc. A well-meaning friend suggested I get more rest, but that seems like a waste. I get bored if I'm not doing something. As long as I'm happy being busy, that's what counts, right?
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Jim: Many busy people consider rest a waste of time. They see it as an empty space where productivity ought to be. But that perspective misses the true value of rest. It's often perceived as an absence of something, rather than an active and beneficial component to our lives, even when we're not doing anything.
In music, there is an interval of silence called a rest. To the casual listener, the musical rest is an absence of sound, an empty space where nothing is happening. But to a musician, the silence (long or short) between notes is as crucial to the song's rhythm and tempo as the notes themselves. Far from being void of purpose, the rest is active and helps frame the melody of the song.
In the same way, a healthy life is framed by rest. Our body, our mind and our emotions need time to recover from the stress and hard work we encounter throughout the week -- even if we don't recognize it in the moment. Rest is also a crucial element to keeping our priorities in focus, most importantly our marriage and our kids.
So I would recommend listening to your friend. Taking an occasional break -- a few minutes, a few hours, even a few days -- can bring a whole new level of fulfillment (and productivity!) to the time we spend doing everything else.
By the way, if you want a physician's take on the subject, I'd suggest Dr. Richard Swenson's classic book "Margin."
Q: My wife says she wants more intimacy in our marriage. I get the physical part, and I'm definitely into it. But she says she means more than that. I know our relationship needs improvement; I'm just not really a touchy-feely guy. What am I supposed to do?
Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Pronounce the word a different way, and I think it'll become clearer. Instead of "intimacy," say it like this: "INTO ME, SEE."
Far too many marriages go something like this: The husband says, "I don't understand my wife. We don't agree on anything. I'm always hot; she's always cold. I just want to relax in front of the TV, but she complains about it. I'm beginning to wonder if we should have gotten married at all!"
Meanwhile, the wife says, "Of course I'm cold! He keeps the thermostat so low that I'm always shivering. And our family can't spend quality time together because he's always a couch potato in front of the TV. Maybe there's not any hope for our relationship."
If that sounds like your marriage, a great way to turn things around is to remember that little phrase, "Into me, see." Learn how to "see into" each other's hearts. After all, that's what true intimacy is really all about -- understanding life from your mate's perspective. Appreciate what makes your wife tick and look for ways you can put her needs above your own. And don't be afraid to take the first step. Learn what makes your spouse feel loved and valued, and you'll fan the flames of your entire relationship.
To jump-start this process, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com and search for "marriage assessment tools." We have a couple of checkup options, both free and at minimal cost, that can help you and your spouse identify aspects of your relationship on which you can build, along with tools to strengthen your weak spots.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.
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