Q: As soon as our daughter hit the "terrible twos," she became difficult to deal with. I've heard this is fairly common. We know it's "just a stage" and we'll get through it. But for now, it's exhausting and discouraging. What advice would you give for keeping the right perspective?

Jim: I'll share an example that's in my book "The Best Advice I Ever Got on Parenting." I heard it from singer Phil Joel and his wife, Heather. When the Joels' first son arrived, he slept through the night, loved to be held and routinely wore a big smile. Then he became a toddler, and his pleasant disposition vanished.

That's when the Joels realized parenting is a lot like gardening. The analogy illustrates that we plant seeds of love in our children, so their lives will grow and flourish. But as anyone who tends the soil can tell you, positive results don't happen overnight. Success requires consistent attention and labor, rain or shine. And it's not just the seeds you plant that sprout -- there are weeds to be dealt with as well.

As the Joels discovered, weeds can take many forms in our children's lives, from negative cultural influences to selfishness that screams, "It's all about me!" These things often choke out the positive seeds of love and encouragement we're trying to spur on toward growth. That's why we need to dig beneath the surface of an issue to see lasting change. If we ignore the weeds, they'll only grow deeper and become harder to uproot.

Raising children isn't always easy. But with your loving care -- and your willingness to confront the negative influences that threaten their well-being -- your kids can develop into adults of maturity and character.

For more tips to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I have enjoyed being part of a close-knit circle of friends for a number of years. But we feel like something's missing -- almost as if life has gotten somewhat stagnant. We'd like to branch out somehow and build new friendships, but we're not sure what to look for. What would you suggest?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I've heard that if couples are married long enough, they start to look like one another. I'm not sure if that's true, but I think couples do often look like the other couples they hang out with.

It may feel more comfortable to be friends with someone who's just like you, but you're depriving your marriage of a great chance to grow. Relating to someone in the same place in life as you, or who has common interests, is easy. You can empathize with each other about career challenges, share the highs and lows of parenting, or compare favorite music, movies, and hobbies.

But I'd humbly suggest another perspective. There's tremendous value in spending time with one or more couples who are different from you. An older couple can share their years of wisdom with a younger couple and help them develop some long-term stability in their marriage. And younger couples have a lot to offer, too. They can bring a sense of energy to the friendship, or help an older couple feel younger and more revived in their own relationship.

To add a deeper layer of richness to your marriage, try to build a friendship with another couple who doesn't see life the same way as you. Their different perspective can challenge you to grow. It just might create the spark you need to strengthen your marriage for years to come. And hopefully, you'll do the same for them.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: With two working adults and three teens in the house, I feel like our family is more disconnected than ever; everybody seems to be on their own schedule. What's one thing we can do to stay close?

Jim: I'll ask this: How often does your family have dinner together? I know it's challenging -- it sure is in our house -- but it's one of the best time investments you can make.

The statistics speak for themselves. The largest federally funded study of American teenagers found a strong link between regular family meals and academic success, psychological health, as well as lower rates of alcohol and drug abuse, early sexual activity and suicide. A 2005 Columbia University study found that teenagers who eat with their families at least five times a week are more likely to get better grades and less likely to have substance abuse problems. A University of Michigan study found that mealtime is the single greatest predictor of better achievement -- more than studying, sports or other school activities. And research conducted at the University of Minnesota found that adolescent girls who ate with their families regularly were at far less risk for anorexia and bulimia than girls who didn't eat with their families.

I could quote studies all day, but I think we all know that it's just common sense. It's a beneficial thing for families to spend time together whenever possible.

Q: Should I be concerned that my son is still sucking his thumb? It's an embarrassing habit in a boy his age (almost 5). I've done everything I can think of to get him to stop, but nothing seems to work.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Research supports the fact that we tend to rely on familiar habits when we're under stress. However, we also have the ability to intentionally create new habits when stressed, so this could be a great opportunity to learn about what's stressful for your 5-year-old and teach him some new ways to handle it.

The difficulty is figuring out what is causing stress in your son's case, because even boredom can cause stress. Some of us can handle a lot of stress and some only a little; everyone has a different threshold.

Provide your child with some alternatives to handling stress. As he embraces other tools you give him, celebrate! For example, every time he chooses a squeeze ball or Play-Doh over his thumb, then you put cotton balls in a jar or tallies on a sheet. When he reaches 10, then maybe it's time to do something fun together, such as a trip to the park. Regardless of what you choose, it needs to be something he sees as a fun celebration, not a reward. You are helping him learn to celebrate the hard work that goes into conquering and managing stress. What a great life skill!

The key is having patience and consistently providing new ways to deal with stress that match your child's interests and temperament. Calmly redirect the behaviors and help your son realize there are many different ways to make him feel better. If he continues to suck his thumb as the months or years progress, you will need to meet with a professional therapist to help assess what is causing him to constantly self-soothe.

Keep in mind that thumb sucking can just be a habit with roots in infancy, and not connected with deeper psychological problems. Many parents get anxious when it continues past babyhood, long after "other people's" children have stopped.

If you'd like to discuss this issue at greater length with our staff counselors, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: One of my friends was recently widowed, and someone in my extended family has been diagnosed with a serious (possibly terminal) illness. I see both of them fairly often and want to encourage them, but I feel awkward.

Jim: It's natural to want to ease a loved one's pain. But we've all stumbled through enough uncomfortable moments to know finding the right words can be tricky.

Still, you can offer something meaningful and truly comforting to a friend or family member who's struggling. To start with, don't try to avoid whatever dark emotion they're feeling. Be willing to enter into it. It's when you're running away from a person's pain that you'll tend to say something trite or insensitive.

Instead, connect with the person by saying, "I'm here for you." Then, stay engaged. You see, there may be moments along the way when everything in their life seems relatively back to normal. That's usually when most people minimize the ongoing crisis their loved one is experiencing. And it's why it's one thing to say you'll be there, but another to actually stay involved for what could still be a long journey ahead.

Another idea is to simply say, "You're in my prayers" (and really pray, of course). There may even be days when it's best to say nothing at all. Just offer a smile and a hug.

Remember, your challenge isn't to find that magic word that will take away someone's pain. Life doesn't work like that. Your role is to connect with them and let your consistent presence show you're with them throughout their time of suffering.

If you'd like to talk to our counselors and discuss these matters, I invite you to call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: When I started graduate school, I decided I wouldn't get romantically involved until my degree was finished. I'm almost done now, but I feel rusty and out of practice dating-wise. I'm not even sure at this point what sort of person to look for; past relationships didn't turn out so well, and I want to avoid similar problems in the future. Any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When it comes to dating, many young adults rely on their feelings instead of thinking things through. And that's why a lot of them end up filled with remorse and regret down the road.

To avoid that outcome in your dating life, remember that the most important quality of any relationship is character. A person may have a charming personality, good looks or intelligence. But if there's no character behind the veneer, you'll find it hard -- if not impossible -- to forge a lasting and meaningful bond.

The way to get to know someone's character is to spend a lot of time together. Before becoming romantically involved with an individual of the opposite sex, you should do the hard work of building an authentic friendship with that person based on points in common. Over time, you'll discover the truth about each other's values and attitudes. That's a crucial step in deciding whether or not you want to take your relationship beyond mere friendship.

Don't misunderstand: The point of an approach like this is not to find someone who's perfect (nobody is). It's to get a sense of who that person truly is. Because in the long run, without good character that person will definitely not be a good dating prospect -- no matter how smart, successful or good- looking he or she may be.

By the way, Focus on the Family has an outreach addressing single life from a faith-based perspective; see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.