Q: I've been married for almost two years. My husband and I want to start a family, but we're not sure when. Is it wise to wait until we're better established?

Jim: Choosing when to have children is a very personal decision, and couples wait for a lot of reasons. But many family experts agree that waiting for the "perfect time" may not be the best decision.

I've known couples who elected to finish their education or to get their career and a steady income established before they had kids. I can relate to both of those concerns. My wife, Jean, and I waited until we had earned our college degrees and had good careers underway before we started our family.

So there's something to be said for stability. But many couples seem to be after perfection. They're waiting for the right salary, the new home and for every other detail of life to be perfectly in place.

The reality is there may never be a perfect time. Life will always present challenges of one kind or another. In fact, parenting itself creates inconvenience. Parenting is all about looking outside yourself and acting sacrificially on behalf of another. That means children will always challenge our budget, our time or our confidence as a parent.

But that's certainly not the whole story. Children bring a new dimension of joy and fulfillment to a couple's lives that can't be experienced in any other way. Working through the challenges and joys of parenting draws you together as husband and wife. Watching and helping your little ones grow will quickly become the most satisfying investment you'll ever make.

So I would suggest you take a deep, honest look at why you're waiting to have kids. Once you and your spouse weigh the various factors involved, it wouldn't surprise me if you decide that there's no better time than right now.

For more information on how your family can thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Whenever I try to give my wife constructive feedback about something in our marriage or around our home, she gets irritated and doesn't respond well. Can't I just call it like I see it?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: If there's one thing you can count on, it's that sooner or later your spouse will fail to measure up to your expectations (and vice-versa). When that happens, do you become an encourager or a fault-finder?

According to author Dr. H. Norman Wright, many marriages are sabotaged by what he calls "fault-finders." That's a spouse who acts out of a critical spirit and is quick to point out a partner's shortcomings. Their attitude basically communicates: "I don't accept you for who you are. You're not good enough for me." Ironically, fault-finders dish out criticism, but they take offense when discussions pop up about how they hurt the marriage. It's an unhealthy dynamic that'll throw a couple's relationship into a downward spiral.

Be honest with yourself. If you've been a fault-finder, and you can see the damage it's causing your marriage, why not try another approach? Learn how to become your wife's biggest cheerleader instead. Encourage her and praise her for her good qualities. Highlight your wife's potential, and believe in your marriage for what it can become -- not just what it is right now.

In other words, work at replacing your critical spirit with a positive one. Then, when circumstances arise that require you to face your own faults, you'll be able to deal with them from a place of deep trust and goodwill -- and without the defensive attitude that makes a bad situation worse.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I don't argue often. But when we do, it feels like we actually become enemies. That bothers both of us. We're struggling to get past this; do you have any advice?

Jim: Conflict in marriage can often make you feel like you're pitted against each other when you ought to be working together. It starts with a disagreement and ends with the couple bitterly locked in a "me vs. you" mentality. But it doesn't have to be that way.

The key is to remind yourselves that you're on the same team. When I played sports, my teammates and I may have had our differences, but our "enemy" was the opposing team, not each other. You and your wife won't agree on everything -- no couple does. Pledge to direct your energy toward solving the mutual problems you need to work through. Attack the issue, not each other.

To achieve that in your marriage, talk about the conflict that has driven a wedge between you. Forgive each other for hurtful words or choices and learn how to pursue a common solution. It can take some time to work through those matters. It might even require the help of a counselor. But it's an important step. Unresolved conflict leads to resentment and bitterness, and it's why couples can't get on the same page.

So work on embracing the differences in your relationship and learning to work together as a couple. Make your spouse your teammate, not your adversary. Our staff counselors can help; feel free to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm concerned about how our 8-year-old son reacts when he makes a mistake or struggles in school. Any little thing -- dropping and breaking a glass, or a lower-than-usual grade on a quiz -- gets blown out of proportion in his mind. How can we help him?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: This is a fairly common response at this impressionable age, especially if a child has perfectionist tendencies (or is seeing that modeled by someone else in the household). The key factor is whether your son is interpreting his mistakes and failures as an indicator of his worth. Help him grasp the proper perspective by emphasizing three truths that he needs to hear from you as his parent.

First, failing is an important part of life because it helps a person mature. If your child falls into the trap of thinking, "It's my fault" or "I'm stupid," help him see the situation from another point of view -- as an opportunity to grow. Celebrate his potential for learning. Model the idea that success builds on itself through learning the right ways to do things and practicing them consistently.

Second, failure is a gift to our "future self" (the person we become) because it reminds us there is always room to grow. Kids sometimes get stuck on the message "I always fail." Help them learn to overcome mistakes by focusing on motivation, determination, perseverance and learned skills. These are great traits that can position your child to succeed along the road of life.

Finally, falling short helps us become humble and loving. Pride can be destructive in relationships, while humility opens up the potential for real and selfless love to shine. Emphasize to your son that his worth doesn't depend on being perfect; you love him the same regardless. In turn, by learning to accept himself for who he is, he's learning to love and accept others for who they are rather than by what they do.

With a little guidance and encouragement from you, your child can learn to reframe his mistakes and turn them into opportunities for growth and connection.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our resolution this year is to improve our communication as a (busy) family. Several weeks in, we're doing better about keeping in touch by phone, text and email. But something still seems to be missing.

Jim: Did you know spoken (or written) words account for only 7 percent of communication? The rest is conveyed through our body language, face, eyes and tone of voice. Think about that. When we communicate with our family members primarily through text messages and email, we're losing more than 90 percent of our ability to connect on a meaningful level.

Thriving families share a common trait: They spend time together interacting face-to-face. But many families struggle to have meaningful discussions. If that sounds like your household, you might try some of these ideas to get your family members talking:

First, get the ball rolling with a simple question game around the dinner table. The first player thinks of a person or thing to be and says, "Who am I?" or "What am I?" Then everybody else takes turns asking questions and listening to the responses until someone comes up with the answer.

Second, ask open-ended questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer. For example, "What's been the best part of your week so far?" or, "What made it so good?" Or you could ask, "If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be and why?"

The possibilities are endless, but the point is the same -- to prime the pump and get the waters of personal conversation flowing. Because without that, your connection as a family could easily wither away.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I've been married for about 3 1/2 years. I think my wife and I have a pretty good relationship, although she doesn't always do things the way I'd like. When I try to talk about such things and make suggestions, she seems to close down. Is there a way to help her see my point of view, or am I missing something?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Whether it's the right sweetener for our coffee or keeping our home at a certain temperature, we all want our life to function in a way that suits us. And when something doesn't work the way we like, we usually try to control it. Unfortunately, many people employ a similar strategy in their marriage.

Controlling behavior can often occur because one spouse doesn't feel loved and validated by the other. So they try to control their spouse's actions to ensure they get the relationship they want. But taking charge over a spouse doesn't foster connection and love; it destroys it because control erodes partnership and oneness, the very foundation of the marital relationship.

Here is the hard truth: If you control your spouse, you're in danger of losing your marriage. A spouse who feels controlled will eventually try to escape. That may be through an affair, a divorce, or, at the very least, the spouse may spend all their time with friends or in another part of the house.

The solution is to give up the role of "boss" and to begin cultivating a relationship of warmth and openness. That requires give-and-take, likely including some compromises. It may take the help of a counselor, but when a couple learns healthy ways to connect and become equals, a strong marriage is just over the horizon.

If you need some help getting started and would like to talk to one of our staff counselors, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit our website listed above.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.