Q: My wife and I don't argue often. But when we do, it feels like we actually become enemies. That bothers both of us. We're struggling to get past this; do you have any advice?

Jim: Conflict in marriage can often make you feel like you're pitted against each other when you ought to be working together. It starts with a disagreement and ends with the couple bitterly locked in a "me vs. you" mentality. But it doesn't have to be that way.

The key is to remind yourselves that you're on the same team. When I played sports, my teammates and I may have had our differences, but our "enemy" was the opposing team, not each other. You and your wife won't agree on everything -- no couple does. Pledge to direct your energy toward solving the mutual problems you need to work through. Attack the issue, not each other.

To achieve that in your marriage, talk about the conflict that has driven a wedge between you. Forgive each other for hurtful words or choices and learn how to pursue a common solution. It can take some time to work through those matters. It might even require the help of a counselor. But it's an important step. Unresolved conflict leads to resentment and bitterness, and it's why couples can't get on the same page.

So work on embracing the differences in your relationship and learning to work together as a couple. Make your spouse your teammate, not your adversary. Our staff counselors can help; feel free to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm concerned about how our 8-year-old son reacts when he makes a mistake or struggles in school. Any little thing -- dropping and breaking a glass, or a lower-than-usual grade on a quiz -- gets blown out of proportion in his mind. How can we help him?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: This is a fairly common response at this impressionable age, especially if a child has perfectionist tendencies (or is seeing that modeled by someone else in the household). The key factor is whether your son is interpreting his mistakes and failures as an indicator of his worth. Help him grasp the proper perspective by emphasizing three truths that he needs to hear from you as his parent.

First, failing is an important part of life because it helps a person mature. If your child falls into the trap of thinking, "It's my fault" or "I'm stupid," help him see the situation from another point of view -- as an opportunity to grow. Celebrate his potential for learning. Model the idea that success builds on itself through learning the right ways to do things and practicing them consistently.

Second, failure is a gift to our "future self" (the person we become) because it reminds us there is always room to grow. Kids sometimes get stuck on the message "I always fail." Help them learn to overcome mistakes by focusing on motivation, determination, perseverance and learned skills. These are great traits that can position your child to succeed along the road of life.

Finally, falling short helps us become humble and loving. Pride can be destructive in relationships, while humility opens up the potential for real and selfless love to shine. Emphasize to your son that his worth doesn't depend on being perfect; you love him the same regardless. In turn, by learning to accept himself for who he is, he's learning to love and accept others for who they are rather than by what they do.

With a little guidance and encouragement from you, your child can learn to reframe his mistakes and turn them into opportunities for growth and connection.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our resolution this year is to improve our communication as a (busy) family. Several weeks in, we're doing better about keeping in touch by phone, text and email. But something still seems to be missing.

Jim: Did you know spoken (or written) words account for only 7 percent of communication? The rest is conveyed through our body language, face, eyes and tone of voice. Think about that. When we communicate with our family members primarily through text messages and email, we're losing more than 90 percent of our ability to connect on a meaningful level.

Thriving families share a common trait: They spend time together interacting face-to-face. But many families struggle to have meaningful discussions. If that sounds like your household, you might try some of these ideas to get your family members talking:

First, get the ball rolling with a simple question game around the dinner table. The first player thinks of a person or thing to be and says, "Who am I?" or "What am I?" Then everybody else takes turns asking questions and listening to the responses until someone comes up with the answer.

Second, ask open-ended questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer. For example, "What's been the best part of your week so far?" or, "What made it so good?" Or you could ask, "If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be and why?"

The possibilities are endless, but the point is the same -- to prime the pump and get the waters of personal conversation flowing. Because without that, your connection as a family could easily wither away.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I've been married for about 3 1/2 years. I think my wife and I have a pretty good relationship, although she doesn't always do things the way I'd like. When I try to talk about such things and make suggestions, she seems to close down. Is there a way to help her see my point of view, or am I missing something?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Whether it's the right sweetener for our coffee or keeping our home at a certain temperature, we all want our life to function in a way that suits us. And when something doesn't work the way we like, we usually try to control it. Unfortunately, many people employ a similar strategy in their marriage.

Controlling behavior can often occur because one spouse doesn't feel loved and validated by the other. So they try to control their spouse's actions to ensure they get the relationship they want. But taking charge over a spouse doesn't foster connection and love; it destroys it because control erodes partnership and oneness, the very foundation of the marital relationship.

Here is the hard truth: If you control your spouse, you're in danger of losing your marriage. A spouse who feels controlled will eventually try to escape. That may be through an affair, a divorce, or, at the very least, the spouse may spend all their time with friends or in another part of the house.

The solution is to give up the role of "boss" and to begin cultivating a relationship of warmth and openness. That requires give-and-take, likely including some compromises. It may take the help of a counselor, but when a couple learns healthy ways to connect and become equals, a strong marriage is just over the horizon.

If you need some help getting started and would like to talk to one of our staff counselors, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit our website listed above.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I love my adult son and am very proud of him. But I think he works too much and seems too busy for his own children (my grandkids). What can I do to help this situation?

Jim: This scenario places you in a delicate position as a grandparent. On the one hand, you may feel your child's priorities need some adjustment. On the other, it's important not to use that issue to drive a wedge between your grandchildren and their parent.

For example, you don't want to attend your grandchild's soccer game and say, "It's too bad your dad can't show up for your games. But I'll be here for you." That comment will only set the child and the parent at odds with each other.

Instead, try to be a bridge. Say something like, "I'm sorry your dad couldn't make it today. But I'm thrilled to be here to watch you, so I can tell him all about how well you did." Words like that will help protect their relationship until, hopefully, the parent comes around.

The bottom line is you love your grandkids and your child. As a grandparent with years of life experience and wisdom, you can play a subtle, but important, role in their relationship. If your adult child still has some growing to do as a parent, strive to be a bridge between him and his kids. Over time, the insights you have developed throughout your own life can hopefully benefit all concerned and be a positive influence in drawing them closer together.

We have plenty of help available for parents and grandparents at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our son is just starting school. We expect him to get good grades, but also want him to develop character. How can we encourage him in both areas?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: If asked which is their top priority for their kids -- good grades or good character -- most parents would probably answer "good character" right away. But research shows your child's academic achievement may be more important to you than you think.

In a 2014 study conducted at the Harvard School of Education, 10,000 junior high and high school students were asked whether their grades, their happiness or their character was more important to their parents. Eighty percent of the children said their grades or their happiness was a topic of conversation much more often than their character. That should make any parent stop and think.

These topics are important. But character wins out in the longer perspective of life. And when it comes to the workforce, researchers find emotional intelligence to be a better predictor of job success than academic intelligence.

There's certainly nothing wrong with encouraging your children to bring home a great report card. But will you cheer them on when they reach out to a friend who's lonely, or when they show patience toward a younger sibling? Help them recognize the value of being truthful and the maturity of accepting responsibility for their mistakes. And make sure to notice and celebrate their hard work at school, even if they don't end up with a 4.0 GPA.

As parents, we have incredible influence in our kids' lives. So it's vital to remember that children learn far more by how we act than by what we say. If you applaud them for their academic performance, make sure it's balanced with celebrations and awareness of their character growth as well. Take time to notice when they display respect, compassion, patience and kindness toward others, and they'll be much more likely to prioritize those life qualities and repeat the behavior.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.