Q: Our resolution this year is to improve our communication as a (busy) family. Several weeks in, we're doing better about keeping in touch by phone, text and email. But something still seems to be missing.

Jim: Did you know spoken (or written) words account for only 7 percent of communication? The rest is conveyed through our body language, face, eyes and tone of voice. Think about that. When we communicate with our family members primarily through text messages and email, we're losing more than 90 percent of our ability to connect on a meaningful level.

Thriving families share a common trait: They spend time together interacting face-to-face. But many families struggle to have meaningful discussions. If that sounds like your household, you might try some of these ideas to get your family members talking:

First, get the ball rolling with a simple question game around the dinner table. The first player thinks of a person or thing to be and says, "Who am I?" or "What am I?" Then everybody else takes turns asking questions and listening to the responses until someone comes up with the answer.

Second, ask open-ended questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer. For example, "What's been the best part of your week so far?" or, "What made it so good?" Or you could ask, "If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be and why?"

The possibilities are endless, but the point is the same -- to prime the pump and get the waters of personal conversation flowing. Because without that, your connection as a family could easily wither away.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I've been married for about 3 1/2 years. I think my wife and I have a pretty good relationship, although she doesn't always do things the way I'd like. When I try to talk about such things and make suggestions, she seems to close down. Is there a way to help her see my point of view, or am I missing something?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Whether it's the right sweetener for our coffee or keeping our home at a certain temperature, we all want our life to function in a way that suits us. And when something doesn't work the way we like, we usually try to control it. Unfortunately, many people employ a similar strategy in their marriage.

Controlling behavior can often occur because one spouse doesn't feel loved and validated by the other. So they try to control their spouse's actions to ensure they get the relationship they want. But taking charge over a spouse doesn't foster connection and love; it destroys it because control erodes partnership and oneness, the very foundation of the marital relationship.

Here is the hard truth: If you control your spouse, you're in danger of losing your marriage. A spouse who feels controlled will eventually try to escape. That may be through an affair, a divorce, or, at the very least, the spouse may spend all their time with friends or in another part of the house.

The solution is to give up the role of "boss" and to begin cultivating a relationship of warmth and openness. That requires give-and-take, likely including some compromises. It may take the help of a counselor, but when a couple learns healthy ways to connect and become equals, a strong marriage is just over the horizon.

If you need some help getting started and would like to talk to one of our staff counselors, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit our website listed above.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I love my adult son and am very proud of him. But I think he works too much and seems too busy for his own children (my grandkids). What can I do to help this situation?

Jim: This scenario places you in a delicate position as a grandparent. On the one hand, you may feel your child's priorities need some adjustment. On the other, it's important not to use that issue to drive a wedge between your grandchildren and their parent.

For example, you don't want to attend your grandchild's soccer game and say, "It's too bad your dad can't show up for your games. But I'll be here for you." That comment will only set the child and the parent at odds with each other.

Instead, try to be a bridge. Say something like, "I'm sorry your dad couldn't make it today. But I'm thrilled to be here to watch you, so I can tell him all about how well you did." Words like that will help protect their relationship until, hopefully, the parent comes around.

The bottom line is you love your grandkids and your child. As a grandparent with years of life experience and wisdom, you can play a subtle, but important, role in their relationship. If your adult child still has some growing to do as a parent, strive to be a bridge between him and his kids. Over time, the insights you have developed throughout your own life can hopefully benefit all concerned and be a positive influence in drawing them closer together.

We have plenty of help available for parents and grandparents at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our son is just starting school. We expect him to get good grades, but also want him to develop character. How can we encourage him in both areas?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: If asked which is their top priority for their kids -- good grades or good character -- most parents would probably answer "good character" right away. But research shows your child's academic achievement may be more important to you than you think.

In a 2014 study conducted at the Harvard School of Education, 10,000 junior high and high school students were asked whether their grades, their happiness or their character was more important to their parents. Eighty percent of the children said their grades or their happiness was a topic of conversation much more often than their character. That should make any parent stop and think.

These topics are important. But character wins out in the longer perspective of life. And when it comes to the workforce, researchers find emotional intelligence to be a better predictor of job success than academic intelligence.

There's certainly nothing wrong with encouraging your children to bring home a great report card. But will you cheer them on when they reach out to a friend who's lonely, or when they show patience toward a younger sibling? Help them recognize the value of being truthful and the maturity of accepting responsibility for their mistakes. And make sure to notice and celebrate their hard work at school, even if they don't end up with a 4.0 GPA.

As parents, we have incredible influence in our kids' lives. So it's vital to remember that children learn far more by how we act than by what we say. If you applaud them for their academic performance, make sure it's balanced with celebrations and awareness of their character growth as well. Take time to notice when they display respect, compassion, patience and kindness toward others, and they'll be much more likely to prioritize those life qualities and repeat the behavior.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I've heard some about your organization. I guess helping people with their marriages is a good thing. But wouldn't all that effort be better directed toward something more important, like combating poverty?

Jim: Thanks for asking this. In a limited venue like this column, I'd summarize our perspective with an illustration. The late Southern novelist Pat Conroy described a broken marriage best when he said, "Each divorce is the death of a small civilization." He was absolutely right.

Divorce doesn't just split up a husband and wife or separate kids from their parents. The breakdown of the family is one of the most overlooked reasons for the high poverty rate in America.

I've experienced the reality of that firsthand. My own father abandoned our family when I was just 5 years old. Our world fell apart. We quickly slipped into poverty. My mother was forced to work full-time as a waitress to make ends meet. So not only did I stop seeing my father regularly, but my mom was not home in the afternoons and evenings, and I was off to school in the mornings before she woke up. That was our routine. It's the routine for thousands of other families as well.

Consider some of these factors: Families with children that were not poor before the divorce see their income drop as much as 50 percent afterward. Almost half of the parents with children who go through a divorce drop below the poverty line. In general, children of divorced parents perform more poorly in reading, spelling and math. They also are more likely to repeat a grade and to have higher drop-out rates and lower rates of college graduation. Low education rates perpetuate the cycle of poverty.

It doesn't get reported in the media very often, but if we want to decrease poverty, we need to save marriages. Stable families form the bedrock of any society. That's part of why we do what we do.

Q: My boyfriend and I want to get married eventually, but we've been told that living together for a few years will help us prepare before making things "official." What do you think?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Living together almost seems to have become the new engagement. The problem is that research shows the divorce rates for those who live together before marriage are significantly higher than for those who don't.

Cohabitation is a risky venture because there's no commitment holding the relationship together. It's essentially two people saying to one another, "I'll hang out with you as long as you make me happy." That's a shaky foundation to build a life on. It infuses doubt and mistrust into the very DNA of your relationship from the get-go. In other words, you're sabotaging your marriage before you even walk down the aisle.

I think a lot of young adults are choosing to live together because they're afraid to commit. Maybe their parents divorced, or they've been swayed by negative messages about marriage in the culture. Whatever the reason, I believe these couples want to get married and stay married.

The biggest problem is most don't know how to prepare for marriage properly. They don't realize they can learn how to build a successful relationship. And that's too bad because premarital counseling can make a lifetime of difference.

If you doubt that, consider this: Eighty percent of couples who get quality premarital training stay married. That percentage of success shows that there is a way for couples to make a lasting commitment to one another. We have loads of resources and information available to help your relationship thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com/marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.