Q: I'm estranged from my adult daughter. I definitely wasn't the best father, although I've changed for the better in recent years. But I haven't spoken to her since she was 17; she's 35 now. I'd love for our relationship to be rekindled, but I don't know if I should reach out or wait for her to show interest in me.

Jim: My heart goes out to both of you; I expect that there have been many things over the years that have led to this difficult situation. It's good to know that you, at least, have been able to make some positive improvements.

Most children, no matter how young or old they are, naturally think of their mom and dad as the "grown-ups" in the relationship. So, unless there's some kind of extenuating circumstance, take the lead. Reach out to your daughter and initiate contact. Show your interest in her. A little humility will go a long way.

Just as important, be willing to persevere. You can't give up inviting your daughter into your life at the first sign of adversity. Respect the fact that your history together may not be entirely positive. Allow her some space for doubt or for old wounds that haven't been resolved yet.

And take heart. Son or daughter, 15 or 50 -- deep inside, every child longs to reconcile with his or her father or mother. Some children are always open and ready, while others may be angry or still distrust you in some way. Even if they're motivated to reconnect, it may take a bit of a journey for their hearts to soften. Just keep your heart open and keep taking the lead.

Our staff counselors would be happy to help if you'd like to discuss this matter further. Feel free to call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My girlfriend and I -- both college freshmen -- have been dating about five months. We want to marry within two years, but my parents (who have always been strict and controlling) think we should wait at least until we graduate. What's your take?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Research demonstrates that the first three to six months of a relationship make up the "infatuation" stage. Basically, couples are "in love with being in love," and are unlikely to view their dating partner or the relationship realistically. That's why we usually advise couples to date for at least a year before getting engaged.

Holding off on marriage for a couple of years sounds like a good call. But I'd suggest that for the first half of that period, you continue to date without becoming formally engaged. In other words, take some time to get to know each other on a much deeper level before locking yourselves into a commitment.

Meanwhile, you can greatly increase your chances for marital success if you commit to a structured, reputable premarital counseling program that includes personality testing. The relationship test developed by Prepare/Enrich (couplecheckup.com) has an incredible success rate at predicting which couples will have a happy marriage and which couples will be divorced within a few years.

Finally, consider the wisdom of your parents' advice. They know you better than you may think they do, and probably have good reasons for recommending that you finish school before plunging into marriage. You've apparently got their support, at least in the general sense, so they must agree that the two of you make a good match. That's a hopeful sign.

Your marriage might work out fine if you marry during college, but your chances for success increase if you give your relationship an extra year or two.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My widowed mother is still pretty independent, but I worry about her being vulnerable to scam artists who victimize the elderly. How can I protect her against this kind of abuse?

Jim: We've all heard the despicable horror stories. Help your mom learn to watch out for threats and to recognize common types of fraud:

-- Identity theft. Identifying numbers -- Social Security, credit card, driver's license, telephone, bank account -- can be stolen from a purse or wallet, taken from the mailbox or receipts in the trash, and even obtained over the phone on an invented pretext. If your mom uses a computer, install anti-malware software.

-- Home-maintenance fraud. Beware of prepaid improvements or repair (siding, roofing, driveways, etc.) offered at greatly reduced prices. Once paid, the con artist disappears or uses inferior materials. Ask about affiliations with professional trade associations and consumer agencies. It's best to avoid hiring workers who solicit door-to-door.

-- Telemarketing and mail fraud. Be aware of glossy mail-order ads and smooth-talking appeals over the phone or TV that market unneeded goods and services. Solicitors apply pressure to order immediately using a credit card because the offer is "limited." Beware of requests for checking account numbers.

-- Sweepstakes, gambling and lotteries. Sweepstakes letters lure seniors with promises of "guaranteed prizes." Marketers of gambling and lotteries target the elderly.

-- Health and medical fraud. Simply put, never invest in health-care products or treatments without first consulting with a doctor or pharmacist.

-- Financial fraud. Living trust scams, investment fraud, pyramid schemes, phony "associations" and the "bank examiner scheme" are all commonly aimed at elderly people. Make sure your mom has a comprehensive financial plan for her personal investments, insurance and estate. A reputable financial planner can help her put her affairs in order. Then it should be easy and automatic to say no to all solicitations.

For additional information on this topic, I'd encourage you to consult with several helpful organizations: The National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a.org); Caregiver Action Network (caregiveraction.org); and National Center on Elder Abuse (ncea.aoa.gov).

Q: Our daughter is almost 10 years old. I've assumed that "the conversation" about puberty was still a ways off, but now I'm not so sure; she's growing up so fast. What do I need to know?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: There's some debate about why it's happening, but there's no question that puberty is occurring earlier and earlier in girls. For some, it could be as young as 7 or 8. Puberty brings about big changes in a girl's physical development and body image. And that can be scary if she isn't prepared for what's coming. That's why helping your daughter learn what to expect can be crucial to her building a healthy identity.

From a practical standpoint, it's usually best if Mom handles these conversations if possible. She has the personal experience to draw from, and daughters tend to feel more comfortable with another female. This means single dads might want to consider having a trusted family member help out, or perhaps a woman whom your daughter knows and respects.

This conversation takes a bit of preparation. Our organization provides numerous helpful resources at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting, including a free downloadable guide on these issues (focusonthefamily.com/thetalk).

The main thing is to connect with your daughter and reassure her that the coming changes are normal. Be positive and encouraging. And remember, even if your daughter has already entered into puberty, it's not too late to have an open conversation. This is a great opportunity to reinforce that you're there to support and walk with her as she grows into womanhood.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I are more than willing to take care of my aging father, but he's always been a proud man, and we don't want to crush his spirit. How do we protect him against the feeling that he's becoming useless?

Jim: According to researchers, most older people measure their personal worth by how well they meet three goals: 1) dependability; 2) ability to maintain close family ties; and 3) self-sufficiency. Aging folks often don't want to reach out for help, rely on government assistance or have hired help in their homes. They want to do things independently, proving themselves dependable and responsible.

The key to honoring aging loved ones is to understand how to encourage them in these areas. Here are some suggestions:

-- Recognize skills and successes. Honoring your father entails recognizing him not only for who he is, but also for past achievements, abilities and talents.

-- Reminisce. It's important to help an aging loved one capture his personal history and pass it along to children and grandchildren. Preserve his memories and current interactions with kids and grandkids on digital media, in still photos or in memory gift books.

-- Reinvent memories. Celebrate everything! Affirmations of life and love remind elderly people that they are appreciated.

-- Remember old friends -- and make new ones. Friendships help people stay engaged, and are also beneficial in processing loss, depression and feelings of worthlessness. Do everything you can to ensure that your father has access to friends by phone, email, "snail" mail and regular visits.

-- Renew energy with regular exercise. Swimming, walking or other light exercise improves circulation and keeps the endorphins -- those "feel-good hormones" -- flowing through the blood system.

-- Seek opportunities for senior volunteers. Many nonprofit organizations not only provide a place for seniors to volunteer, they also need this assistance to carry out their mission.

-- Encourage latent talents. If appropriate, nudge your dad in the direction of developing a hobby such as painting, drawing, writing, woodworking or learning how to use different computer programs. Probe his interests until you see his eyes light up, then find a way to get him involved.

Q: I've been dating a great guy for a while. I think he would be a good husband, but I'm not sure if he's my "soul mate." Should I move on and keep looking?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Before you decide one way or another, I'd encourage you to consider this: soul mates aren't found, they're formed over time.

Doug Block, a wedding videographer, produced a documentary about couples whose nuptials he'd filmed. He wanted to see how their marriages had fared after a few years. His conclusion was that the Hollywood-fueled notion of the "soul mate" -- the idea that there's one person out there just for you -- is a myth. As he told Time magazine, "A lot of marriage is coming to terms with who is this imperfect person you're living with, and acknowledging that you're not exactly a perfect person either."

No one "clicks" with another effortlessly. We're all flawed people prone to selfish impulses. That's why relationships -- and especially marriage -- can be so challenging at times. It takes hard work to love our spouses through the good and the ugly. So when you encounter differences in your relationship, don't assume your significant other isn't your soul mate. Disagreements should be addressed, but understand we're all prone to selfishness.

It's only by going through that tough process that a couple can create the true intimacy of marriage. So, remember: Soul mates aren't found; they're formed over time through sacrifice and enduring love. When you identify someone with whom you can mutually commit to that dynamic, it just might be "the match."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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